The last few days here in Nebraska have been very snowy & cold. The wind chill is -20. As I sit in my warm house, I am wondering if my ES is warm. I went to scoop snow earlier & as I opened the door to go out, I had a fleeting hope that my son would be there, wanting to be invited in...wishful thinking. I think of him being on the streets, freezing cold, no food, etc..My youngest says my ES is still in Nebraska, so wherever he is, it's cold outside. My youngest also expressed disappointment with me for what he calls "giving up" on his brother. I told him for my own sanity, I had to let ES go, but that I pray for him & think of him every day. He seemed to accept that, but said he wishes he knew exactly where his brother was, he would help him. I explained to him that his brother has to want to truly change & WANT the help, & needs to stop blaming me for everything wrong in his life. It hurts that my youngest feels this way. I hope he doesn't grow to resent me. I feel like my heart is dying a little every day, & I pray to God to not let it die completely.