Dear Sitto. Good to hear from you, but sorry to hear how upset you are. Your mother instinct to be there for your daughter now that she will soon become a mother herself..yes, so heartbreaking that you are being denied the chance to support her "up close" right now. Just remember that the highest calling for you right now is to keep her on the top of your prayer list..to plead to God on her behalf. We will never know just how important this type of prayer for our wayward adult children truly is, until eternity. Never stop praying for her dear Sitto. Pray specifically also for your unborn grandchild. I had to do this for my grandson. I was denied any attempts on my part to be a support to my daughter-in-law while she was pregnant. I wasn't even invited to any of the two baby showers they gave before my grandson was born, also denied being allowed to host a baby shower in my home..they just plain refused. My ES just told me "don't bother, she wouldn't come anyway"..so hurtful, because it's everything in you to want to "give" as a mother and becoming a "gramma" should be a time of rejoicing..not a sad time. I understand your pain.
Leave it in Jesus hands dear Sitto. He will help you right now. Try to avoid any internet activity that will only break your heart. God will help you right now. I know, He keeps helping to mend my broken heart. God understands our estrangement so perfectly, because He has a world of children who have rejected Him and gone their own way...so He really understands. Hang in there!
(((hugs))) Maddie

Hi Sitto! Can't the Internet be both a blessing and a curse???? I kind of see it that way anyway. Like anything else, it can bring people together and it can just as easily rip your heart out just as quickly too. I used to look forward to my DIL sending those mountains of beautiful pics of her, her son, our son and then our first grandchild. She is an awesome photographer, (professional quality) and always had the camera glued to her hand. She used to post them on her blog that she had. I could see them because it was public, not private. Then everything changed and all the photo's were gone from our view. Only her family and friends can see them now on her facebook or wherever else she posts them, we don't know. But, occasionally I do plug in their names to see what pops up. Why? Like you there is a void that says something is missing. Something is out of the ordinary. I'm supposed to know when things are happy, when things are sad, when events take place, (like my GD's first day of school yesterday) and my grandsons first words, or his first steps. I know nothing of those things so I grasp for anything occasionally. Yet, I am both saddened if I find out the smallest detail (like my step-grandson running in a kids marathon at school) or even when I find nothing new. I need to fill that void but I can't. It hurts because it is another reminder of what isn't, but should be.

Time. There is a saying that "time heals all wounds." Don't believe it. Time will help you to live better with what God has allowed to happen in your life and mine, but time will never erase the pain completely. You can still love, live and laugh a little more as time passes on if you let it.

Hello Sitto
Believe me I feel your pain. I will keep you in my prayers and please know that I have done similar things as you just to get a glimpse of what is going on in my ED and her family's life. My son in law is a pastor of a very large church and has a beautiful website which I visit occasionally just to see if maybe there is a picture of one of my grandchildren or my daughter. When there is I am sad because I miss them so much and if there is not I am sad because I don't know what I can do to see them anymore. My oldest granddaughter, 16, has a facebook page and I was her friend but now I don't have access to her page anymore because her parents have taken me off as her friend. Why? I do not know. Now I just go on now and then in hopes of seeing a picture of her or her siblings by some chance. When she turned 16 in July it hurt so badly that I could not call her and wish her a happy 16th. I did send her a card and wrote a note in it and hope that she received it and does not think I have forgotten her. I was there when she was born and have loved her all of her life as well as her sister and brothers. Yes, it hurts and it is very hard but I will continue to trust God's will and pray that someday my daughter will realize what she is doing she is not only doing to me but to her children by keeping them away from their grandmother who loves them so much. Stay strong and close to God. Pray continually for the strength and peace that He can and will supply. That's all we have right now, but it is more than enough! Please feel free to read my story sometime and let me know if you need a shoulder. We will and we have to get through this TOGETHER!! God bless you!

Sitto, is there any chance of getting your ED to some Christian counseling? Or, even better take her down to the local shelter for women who have been abused. Maybe a conversation with a few of them would open her eyes?

Thanks for the support and prayers but I haven't spoken to our ED since my husband told her to leave our home 3 months ago. She had been lying to us for months assuring us that she was no longer seeing her boyfriend, after she had been arrested for assaulting him! She became pregnant during the time she had been telling us she was no longer with him. My husband just got so disgusted with her behavior and lies that when he found out she was pregnant he lost it and told her leave and not come back. I tried to text her a few times after that but my messages went unanswered. Now I just keep praying but I so want to at least say "hi" and make sure she's okay.

Sitto, just a quick question, is/was she on drugs?

Our ED has never been on drugs. She was being treated by a psychiatrist for depression and anxiety disorder an was also seeing a therapist, but just for a short time. She was on an anti-depressant and anti anxiety meds because she was having panic attacks. The only drug issue she ever had was smoking the fake marijuana with some friends earlier this year. She got very sick and wound up in the emergency room having a bad panic attack from smoking it. She was drinking too that night but as soon as she found out she was pregnant, she stopped taking her prescribed meds.

Sitto, I can see how much this is upsetting you and I can understand it from a parents point of view. Not knowing much about what brought this on I can only read between the lines and guess that your ED resented being told whom she could see and not see. Wanting to see this guy only pushed her back to the wall and, to her, lying was the only way to do it. Not right at all, but to her point of view, she was a 25-year-old adult who had that right - even if the parents did not approve of him. Parents have a tendency to want to protect their children, but the adult children want to make their own decisions and make their own mistakes. It is a tough time for parents to go through.

Lying, by anyone, is a sin. It is a learned behavior. People learn at an early age that they can avoid confrontation by lying. One way to not set up conditions in advance that create situations that induce lying, is to make "The Rules of the House" appropriate for the age of the child. A 25 year old child needs to make their own decisions about who they see, but the parents need to encourage good choice, not force them to make good choices - or else.

No, she SHOULD NOT have been seeing a boyfriend that is abusive, but she needed counseling to understand what happens to women who are subject to abusive people. Forbidding her to see him only made her fight and scratch like a cat caught in an enclosed bag. What was the motive for assaulting her boyfriend anyway? That sounds a little strange that a female is the perpetrator of an assault - unless she was drunk or on drugs.

How did you and DH find out she was pregnant? Did she come to both of you with it? If so, I think it would have been more beneficial to her welfare long-term to have been supportive of her not making the choice of abortion, which would have been the easy way out, but she did not choose the easy way out for that - which she could have.

Right now I would suggest you speak to your husband since he was the one that asked her to leave. Perhaps get him some counseling. Do you both attend a local church? If so, ask to talk to you pastor about this.

I know you really want to talk to your ED and perhaps if you do talk to your pastor, you could all meet together and work things out that way. If you know where she lives, you could go there and ask to go for a cup of coffee to talk things over.

Its not easy to let our adult children suffer the natural consequences of their choices, but that is the only way they learn. Your daughter will learn the hard way. Stay off the internet and stay in church - pray and keep the faith.

We did not forbid our ED from seeing her boyfriend. She TOLD us she was done with him so we took her word for it and trusted what she said. She would go out and tell us she was sleeping over one of her friends houses and all those times she was with him. Our ED has a very bad temper which resulted in her and the boyfriend having a fight. It ended with our ED braking his car window and both of their arrests. She never told us she was pregnant, I kept asking her if there was anything wrong and when I kiddingly said, "you're not pregnant, are you?" She replied I think so. I was devastated, shocked, sad and very upset. She didn't tell my husband because she wanted to wait until she went to court on the arrest charge however, when we found out she was seeing the boyfriend again, my husband and I were quite upset. At that point I told my ED to tell her father and she said she wasn't ready to do so . I was so upset at the whole situation and felt that I was not being honest with my husband so I told him. He was quite upset and called her and told her he wanted to speak with her immediately and she refused to come home. She returned home a few days later and said she was too old for family meetings. My husband was so upset at her attitude that he told her to leave. Our ED is 25 and could have prevented this pregnancy but it was her decision to get pregnant . My heart aches for my husband because I know how hurt he is over this whole thing.

Sitto, thank you for filling in the details. I can understand how you are both hurt and disappointed. Perhaps through this your ED will get some help for her anger.