It is hard to accept when our adult children separate from us for whatever reasons and for however long. What has helped me is to accept that my adult child now has a life of his own. Its really up to him if wants to include me in his life. Most of us as parents find this unbelievable that the children we raised and cared for would not want to have us in their lives - at least not now. The bible tells us that children should obey and honor their parents and I personally think that holds true even into their adulthood. But the bottom line for me is that I cannot force my adult child to do anything, not even to have a relationship with me.

So I am with you in that the best things we can choose to do is pray for them, pray for ourselves and live the best life we can - with or without them. I pray each day to trust that God is taking care of it in a way that will turn out best for all concerned.

Yemats....Thank you for trusting us enough to bring the pain that you must be feeling as I read it in your post. Everyone here shares in your pain and are able to comfort one another through the up and coming holidays. But, for those of us who only have one child and that child has chosen to become estranged from us for whatever reason, these holidays are especially difficult to get through for sure. I know, I have only one child too.
For us, the first few years were unbearable and so you don't have to tell me just how much you are hurting - I've been there. I can only tell you that the first year is definitely the hardest to get through. Hopefully, by God's Grace, this will be the only one you will have to endure alone.

It is sad that, for those of us who still love our EK's in spite of their behavior, we still find it so hard to comprehend how our children can so quickly walk away from parents who brought them into the world, who nurtured them, who cared for them and tried to instill values in them that they would bring with them into adulthood, would turn against us without a blink of an eye and without looking back.

Yemats, I can only tell you that it sounds to me like you were a very caring and loving parent to your son. People who have been truly loved just do not walk away with a cold heart forever. I truly believe that. Yes, we might have to step aside for a period of time while the deal with whatever has taken them away from us but we can trust in our loving God and Savior Jesus Christ to sustain us through these hard times. He has promised us that He will never leave us nor forsake us. Our most cherished earthly possessions will let us down at some point in time even amongst the best of the best parents, but Jesus never will. It is the only thing in life that is an absolute certainty when it comes to human beings and their dependability and their sense of right and wrong treatment of their parents goes.

Try as best you can to find something to do with your husband that you have both wanted to do for a long time. Cook his favorite meal or go for a ride. Look for someone else, maybe a church member, who might be alone too. You can always invite someone else that might be lonely too. Someone earlier said they were going to make sandwiches and give them out to the homeless. There are many things that you can come up with to help ease the pain. When all else fails, jump on line. I'll probably be online too. For the first few years we did not cook a big dinner. Now we do. They did not rob me of my joy and gratefulness to our God for all that He has done for us for very long!!!

God Bless,
We're in this together!

yemats...It is so sad to read your post because I know the pain you feel. We all did on those first holidays that we have to go through in a manner like we had never envisioned we would have to.

I remember when I got married we always went either to my DH's house or my parents house. Things have changed so much since then. Family doesn't seem to have the same unity that it did 40 years ago.

May God fill you with peace during this time.

I do think you have a good perspective though. We can only pray for their happiness. It is hard to hate someone you are praying for.

I too can only imagine what it was like for Mary to watch her son being crucified!! She had the only perfectly behaved son any woman ever had and yet she watched people hate him.

You are so right about a mother's pain being universal, timeless and ageless. I don't think the sin of Eve caused as much physical pain in childbearing as it does heartache for us who suffer from the pain of estrangement.

MariaStevie: I agree that adult children should honor their parents even into adulthood. I did with my parents. I felt that they gave me the most precious gift of life, and I was lucky enough to have loving, giving parents. You are right, that our children all have lives of their own...as it should be....but not answer the phone? It is not like I call all the time and harass him. I am glad for him that he has a great life, it just hurts that it doesn't include me. His wife's family "bows" to her elders as a sign of respect, but that only applies to her parents, I suppose.

GuelsMom: It is comforting to me to know that there is someone out there who understands how I feel about my only child being estranged. He was my whole world for all those years. My heart is broken and won't heal. Thank you for your comforting words that Jesus will not forsake us. Your words brought tears to my eyes...tears of joy...hope that He will see me through this. You are so strong, and I cannot thank you enough for your response....just what I needed to hear today.

MoriahsSong: I think in time it will be easier to deal with the separation of my son at the holidays. You all have such good suggestions of what to do instead. I know what you mean about how family relations have changed over the years. Every Christmas my family was together. Now there is no family to get together. I have always looked forward to lovingly decorating the Christmas tree with all of my son's homemade ornaments through all the years. If he doesn't call this year, it will be the last year I will be able to bear to put those ornaments on the tree. I will change it up next year and decorate the tree another way.

To All: I don't like to post and make people sad with what I am going through. I am in my "real" life known for being very optimistic at home and at work. It is hard for me to bare my soul to anyone in my "real" life because they would judge me. I thank God for finding this site, and all of you....you really do help me, reading your thoughts...thanks for listening...