Hope things go well for you. For me the things which are happening to cause our situation just don't make sense - they are not understandable. I've been told that DIL is more than likely a sociopath and the things she does or causes she doesn't see because she has no conscience or compassion and lives in her own world where she causes all this drama and doesn't realize it's her. I have continually tried to fix things but I can't fix her - I can only pray for her and our ES is so weak. Again, I hope things go well for you as far as your ED goes.

I am not to be forgiven....I got my reply, hubby had said he felt like knocking her out and I didn't know about that til today. We had a huge fight. He would never ever hit her, he was verbalizing, but I was disgusted when I found out. So because of all this, it is over. You know what I don't want to be tested anymore. Why did God give me this child when He knew there would be pain like this.....I am nothing but useless dirt .... I thought I was down before but this is the end of the road.

It sounds like there are issuses between ED and your husband. Did he actually threaten to hit her? I can understand fear and since you're together there's association. Things aren't done even though it seems like it is. Husband should apologize and you can say you didn't know anything about it and you're available whenever she's ready. Hurt takes time to heal. At least your ED is telling you what's wrong. Leave it in God's hands to fully work out. Let God take care of you. Hugs

We have decided to divorce.

I am so sorry gma6 for the pain you are experiencing. God does not make mistakes, you are not dirt, you are loved and special in God's eyes. Please take comfort in the truth of that when family lets you down.

Gma, my friend! My heart aches for you soooo.

But please, BREATHE!
First, emotions are running very hot in your life right now, but you know God is right there with you and will not leave you. He has his loving arms enfolding you right now!!
We have all, on this site, learned that we can live through things we thought we couldn't.
Take really good care of yourself right now, eat, walk, sleep. Exercise, go to work, grow a garden.
I got this advice from you- you gave it to me a while back.

Don't make any permanent decisions right now.

Just lean into the Lord and let Him love on you right now.
And keep coming to us, we all know too well the agony of the first part of the estrangement, which is what I imagine you are feeling all over again now, and the agony of on-going estrangement, which can wear us all down so.

It's time to start fighting back- not against your child but against the real enemy-Satan. Pray like a mad woman. I will stand with you before the throne on behalf of your family- I'm sure many will join us. Satan will not win. But you must rest and take care of yourself because the battle may be a long one.

Please, slow down, it's a long process.

In our 16 month estrangement with our ED, I have found out how much the enemy (satan) wants to destroy. He has destroyed our relationship with our EC (for now) but that is not enough for him. He wants to destroyour health, our marriages, and our testimonies. It is a spiritual battle. We need to give it to the Lord so the enemy does not win.

gma6 My DH is a gentle Christian man and believe me there were times that our ED frustrated him to no end. We all say and do things we do not mean. I know our ED has and I am sure we can each speak that our EC have. Please do not make any decisions now (they say not to when you are tired, sick, or under stress). Saying a prayer for you.

gma6 I am so sorry you are feeling so bad, but I do understand.. somedays there is no one (but god) that can take my pain away... Do something nice for yourself, you really deserve this.. you are not dirt, you are loved and you were a good mother!! None of us deserve this treatment.. I hope and pray for better days for you!!

thank you for all your support. My husband is gentle and he has never every raised a hand to hurt me or his daughters. He wrote and apologized, no response. The response I did get was one to make me feel like I let my grandchildren down for not sleeping over, * they had gotten up 3 nights in a row at 3 am),her life is hard. Her new boyfriend that she got and then kicked hubby out,who moved in a week later (but she is putting her kids first! really?), I didn't do enough, I was only good enough if I was doing and shutting up. She is entitled, we are here at the drop of a hat continually. I cannot sleep, she is probably sleeping like a baby, no conscience . Thank you for all your support, this has been one of the roughest days, much harder the second go around. I do know one thing, if she ever was in my life again, I would never ever trust her.

I would try marriage counseling first.

God doesn't make junk and therefore you are not dirt! Stop beating yourself up and please attempt marital counseling if both of you are willing and it's possible. The enemy is really dividing and breaking up your home. Reach out and get help before much worse happens. Praying for you...

Your life sounds very similar to mine gma6. I am new here, but I had to trust God, look up my promises and know that He loves your grandchildren more than you can imagine. Pray over them everyday, look up promises that covers them with a hedge of protection. You will drive yourself crazy with fear and worry and not accomplish anything but heartache. You are in a spiritual war. If you can in your heart and mind let them go into Gods hands and trust him. You will have rest...Also ask the Lord to protect your grandchildren from her sinful life. Let go and let God.

In reviewing my old emails, I ran across the last email I sent to my son and DIL. Now over the last 5 years I have tried, via emails, birthday cards, phone messages, to first apologize for any wrong they felt I did, asking for their forgiveness and starting over, how much I love my ES and want to get to know my DIL, etc. So last fall when we retired I sent this final email. No response.

So when someone wrote about "detaching" from her EC for now, I decided that is what I am also going to do and I feel wonderful. God hears my prayers every day, but I feel he is also giving me strength to move forward and enjoy life until the day I can hug my son again.

This is what I wrote: I do not have an email address for you [DIL], so have sent this to [ES] at work to share with you.

[ES and DIL] – Dad and I wanted to let you know that we have retired as of Sept. 28. We have sold the house and moved to our lake home. We hope that one day we will all be able to get beyond past mistakes and make room in our hearts for forgiveness. We continue to miss you and to love you.

As a parent you can understand that our love for our children never goes away. We are hoping that before your dad and I are gone, we will be able to reconnect and share some time getting to know your family.

NO RESPONSE from them.

All estranged adult children are very stubborn and self-centered, not even caring or bothering to try to repair relationships. We either are at the bottom of their lists or are not even on them period. What a heartbreak that demonstrates they simply do not care! Be assured God is taking note of EVERYTHING ECs are doing to us and is being recorded if that helps bring any comfort to us from the Lord. Our hands are tied as we wait patiently in prayer. Our human attempts to salvage and save relationships are failures, not because of us, but because the enemy controls ECs hearts and lives. Only when we surrender our children totally to God and let Him have them back to deal with do we receive some kind of comfort. We actually don't know what is going on behind the scenes with our ECs and how God is dealing with all of them individually, only that we can trust Him with them. That's all we can do as parents.

Your post abandonedor.... reminds me to remember that all our children are on loan from God; they do belong to Him and I have prayed and given my ES back to God, for only He can turn his heart around.