CHRISTIAN PARENTS of ESTRANGED ADULT CHILDREN Community Group
Estrangement makes it difficult to talk about with family, friends, neighbors and church members. Christians are NOT immune to broken families. Talk about your experiences with those who know how you feel and get positive support through your Christian faith...."In these last days difficult times will come, for men will be lovers of self...disobedient to parents,...
To send an email describing how I feel….. I have tried this in the past. ED shows her BF everything I send.
They twist my words and HE responds with something inappropriate intending to hurt me.
To send a card telling her I love her unconditionally…. Telling her I love her falls on deaf ears and only starts battles.
To buy her things….. I don’t want her to think I am trying to buy her love and I don’t want to reward her bad behavior.
To drive eight hours and show up at her doorstep…. We all know this would end badly.
To attempt to control a situation that I can’t…. Clearly we can’t control a missing person.
To feel hopeless….. The situation is far from hopeless. I will lean on the Lord my Savior for strength through this difficult time.
To be angry at her….. because we all know “Holding on to anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else; you are the one who gets burned.”
To dwell in the past….. the past is the past. There is no point to rehashing the “what ifs”
To feel defeated….. For the LORD my God is the one who goes with me to fight for me against my enemies to give me victory (Deut 20:4).
Dear Lord, Sometimes your ways don’t make sense to us but we trust that you know all things and are working on our behalf to give us victory. Please remind us not to rely on our limited flesh but to rely on your limitless, almighty, all-knowing, ever-present Holy Spirit for your victory in our lives for your glory in Jesus name Amen.
They twist my words and HE responds with something inappropriate intending to hurt me.
To send a card telling her I love her unconditionally…. Telling her I love her falls on deaf ears and only starts battles.
To buy her things….. I don’t want her to think I am trying to buy her love and I don’t want to reward her bad behavior.
To drive eight hours and show up at her doorstep…. We all know this would end badly.
To attempt to control a situation that I can’t…. Clearly we can’t control a missing person.
To feel hopeless….. The situation is far from hopeless. I will lean on the Lord my Savior for strength through this difficult time.
To be angry at her….. because we all know “Holding on to anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else; you are the one who gets burned.”
To dwell in the past….. the past is the past. There is no point to rehashing the “what ifs”
To feel defeated….. For the LORD my God is the one who goes with me to fight for me against my enemies to give me victory (Deut 20:4).
Dear Lord, Sometimes your ways don’t make sense to us but we trust that you know all things and are working on our behalf to give us victory. Please remind us not to rely on our limited flesh but to rely on your limitless, almighty, all-knowing, ever-present Holy Spirit for your victory in our lives for your glory in Jesus name Amen.
We too have to resist the urge to do that because SHE WOULD NOT LIKE IT ONE BIT! She would see it as trying to drive a wedge in between him and her and I don't want to risk that.
Even rebellious, disrespectful adult children need to be checked up on. :)
In my case, I know that my son is being emotionally abused however, he would never admit to that. We want so desperately to see him and are genuinely concerned for him. He's been "brainwashed" to believe that he is truly loved by his wife and her family. It's a distorted, selfish type of love that expects him to "cut-off" the people who have loved him before he met them. He's also alienated himself from his 27 year old sister, and 20 year old brother...and my husband. His "issues" are targeted towards "me", his Mom...but truth be told....it goes far beyond what he's able to express to us. My heart is aching for the choice he's had to make...in order to keep the peace with them..(his wife and parents)...they have trampled over "boundaries", and are in constant daily contact...and they get to enjoy our grandson...but have somehow convinced our grown son that we are not worthy to love him...it's all so "crazy making"...we only want to "love"...and we are respectful of boundaries. That's why we are patiently waiting for our son to finally "wake" up and realize what's really happening....God's watching and taking care of our grown son, his baby son, and yes...his wife, and that's what we remind ourselves every day.
Waiting is hard...but we need to trust God..He's the only one that can fix this, and we (my husband & I) know that we can't fix this brokenness. The waiting....the patience needed....so hard.
My ED has also alienated herself from most of her friends and her sister. Basically anyone that had an opinion that differed from hers. One of her so called friends actually told me that she thought my ED had a good plan. Yes, she is crazy too... or maybe just stupid.
I don't know what makes these kids think that their new spouse, bf, gf knows better than their parents. I know my daughter has low self esteem and that is part of the issue. These abusers target people with low self esteem. The warning signs of abusers:
1) Charm - knight in shining armor
2) Isolate their victims - often moving them to remote areas
3) Jealously - used to control their victims
4) Emotional Abuse - the goal is to lower their self esteem
5) Control - now they control every thing they do. Even what clothes they wear.
I know my ES bf has already exhibited 1-3... since I am estranged it is difficult to tell exactly where he is in the scheme of things.
Honestly, why this has happened. I don't know. Only time will tell what God has in mind. I suspect she is learning a life lesson right now.
My DIL is indeed very jealous of us...she has shown this jealousy over the past four years. My prayers are that she would come to a realization that she needs "salvation". Our son has shown signs of having a lower self image than before he married...but for now, we are unable to know "what's going on".
My entire family of origin (parents, siblings) are NOT Christians, and they have encouraged my son to be "rejecting" of my husband & I. He and his wife have been invited to their Christmas, Easter and Birthday celebrations...and my husband & I find out AFTER the fact.. It's troubling to think that I am also dealing with all of that dysfunction..and for reasons we can't explain, our son doe
God is teaching me to let "go" of these toxic family members, because they are abusers...they are not Christians, and they have for many years caused me a lot of emotional pain. It's taken a lot of courage for me to KEEP the faith, but I stand firm in my walk with the Lord. I know that my relationship with God is more important than any other relationship here on earth. Thank the Lord, my husband is a Christian, and we have been relying on God's strength to get us through. Prayers for you and your daughter DS4me...keep your faith strong and never give up praying for your daughter.