I get you, soverysad. My well meaning mother called me a few days ago to tell me my son called her on Christmas day. Mom was all bubbly telling me how he "they are doing just great! Kids are growing like weeds!" and she just bubbled and gushed on. The whole time it felt like a knife in my chest and with every word she was just pushing it in deeper. I want him to call me, not her! Yes, I know I sound childish, and yes I am at least happy he called his grandmother, but see, this is the game he/they play. To portray such "normalcy" to others (until they get too close and then they see how crazy they are for themselves). So now when I tell mom what I am going through, she really doubts me, because after all, he can't be all bad since he called her. This is what she is thinking. And I hung up the phone more depressed than ever. I feel your pain.

This happens to me as well. I have been blocked for years from me ED. However, I looked at my own facebook page and I am also smiling. It is usual to show a smile when you get your picture taken. I know that it is not a TRUE reflection of myself as I am constantly in pain. When honest with myself, I don't believe that my ED can be that perfectly happy. How can she be? Somewhere deep within her she knows it isn't right. It isn't even kind. We must be diligent in prayer. It is so hard, I know. It is SO hurtful, but it doesn't mean the reflection is truth.

Social media only shows the high moments... there's no telling how deep and dark the low moments are in other's lives--no one posts those.

How insensitive of people to tell you that, soverysadmom. I'm sorry they're doing that. It just shows, they don't get it. My family made it known to me how "close" they were with my daughter and encouraged her to stay away from us... Interestingly enough, now that she's home, she doesn't seem to contact them nor do they contact her. She was using them in her rebellion towards us, but I'm not sure what their game was--and they are adults...

Truly know the feeling,my dh says son/dil wants to hurt me and they succecced,but i will try not to let them know it.Even my older sister pushes my button i dont know if she knows she is doing it or not.She lives with my other son and his familly and my gc from him they call me by my first name and calls her mom-mom.

soverysad - that kind of thing makes me so upset too. So-and-so saw our ECs and they are doing "great!", or met the significant others and they are "so wonderful". I don't know why people can't think things through better before they say them.
poodle - oh my goodness, we've had the same calls. Thankfully my own mom doesn't do that but MIL and other relatives do. Horrible!

I had to block not only my ED's, but also I felt I had no choice but to block all blood relatives and friends of my ED's. I looked at it the way things used to be like before social media and FB. All of these people didn't have daily access to my life, nor did I have daily access to theirs. Having constant access to everyone's lives through social media is the new normal, especially for those who have grown up with it, but we know it wasn't always like that, that before social media, we enjoyed more privacy and autonomy. Having 24/7 access to others lives, their updates, where they went to eat, the latest movies they've seen, the videos they share and photos, is just not healthy! It makes us stressed, makes us compare our lives with others. I've so much more relaxed since I've removed all of these relatives and friends of relatives from my social media. I don't feel the need to snoop on their lives and they can't snoop into mine because I have them blocked, so they can't even find me on FB. Maybe others will see the benefit to erecting stronger boundaries on social media as I have. My privacy and my autonomy are that important to me.

MG

I think my reply may have strayed from the topic, now that I've read it again. But maybe there's some food for thought in it nonetheless.

mountaingirl56, I agree the whole privacy stuff that comes with FB is a problem. In addition, my local news had a little segment over the holidays stating that people who avoided social media were far happier than those who spent time on it... They added depression rates are higher for social media users due to people comparing their regular daily lives to many of the fake happy pictures people post--fake in the sense that they capture a single moment where everyone looks happy, but we have no clue what was happening before and after the photo was taken...

Sovery, It is so terrible when people do this. I have a few friends that will occasionally see our ED and let me know how good she looked or how sweet she was. One time I actually responded that I did not think treating her parents the way she has is sweet. It was a long time friend too. Others I would respond less to. It cuts like a knife. There is not anything that can prepare you for the pain. We would not ever have done this to our parents. It is not of God. It is of the enemy.

Soverysadmom, I know that feeling... My Son has blocked me on Facebook. Makes it quite clear he is out of my life for good. The rejection is unbearable. Where are we supposed to put the love we have for them? It is like a never ending nightmare. Very hard to deal with.

I have told my family and friends that I do not want them to tell me what they see or read on Facebook. I have a special friend that I trust and I asked her to tell me if there is something that I need to know- that way I feel safe with my decision. It was helped me a great deal to set that boundary for myself. Praying for your heart to feel the comfort of God's peace.

You are not alone and you are spot on , Soverysad, none of this is right! And I am sorry for your pain. It is amazing how alike all of our members experiences are! We've all shared so many of the same calls and comments made to us that cut us to the heart. Thank God for this support group or I would really think it was me. The craziness and the pain (along with the anxiety that it all produces) is just not something that can be explained to anyone who has not had this kind of estrangement happen to them. My Mother in Law is in touch with my ed and gets pictures of my 2 grandchildren. She has been forbidden to give me any information about my ed, but my dh can find things out about our ed's life every now and then. My MIL is the one who says things like " well she talks so sweet to me on the phone" & " I just wish I knew the truth" , boy that is infuriating because my ed is not sweet at all. You don't have to know every detail to know that keeping grandparents from seeing their grandchildren is wrong! Blocking your parents attempts at making contact is wrong! And on and on and on....My ed is cruel and I am getting closer and closer to distancing myself from everyone that approves or doesn't speak against my ed's behavior. I pray for us all.

dmw, It is hard to be close to those that condone the bad behavior of our EC. I agree!