CHRISTIAN PARENTS of ESTRANGED ADULT CHILDREN Community Group

Estrangement makes it difficult to talk about with family, friends, neighbors and church members. Christians are NOT immune to broken families. Talk about your experiences with those who know how you feel and get positive support through your Christian faith...."In these last days difficult times will come, for men will be lovers of self...disobedient to parents,...

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poodlegirl61 03/20/2015

We are still planning on going up to see the new grand baby on April 4, and I am almost having anxiety attacks over it. My stomach is tied up in knots and I wake up in cold sweats. And please understand, I want to be honest here, it is not from excitement. It is dread. I have not seen my son since January 2014 when he took the money from me for the fake divorce. Of course you all know by now he took the money, went back to her, the whole nine yards. I have not seen him since, and he will not speak to me, either. He will text my husband VERY occasional, short texts. He knows we are coming up there, and he told my husband that "we better accept Lindsay, because they are family", blah blah. He refuses to acknowledge what he did, and he expects us to just pretend the past 6 years never happened. We just cannot do that. I can forgive anything, but I cannot forget, and I am scared of her. Actually I am a little scared of him, too, if you want to be perfectly honest. I don't know how I am supposed to act. If I try to act friendly, he will see that as "fake". (he already said he hates me because I am so fake) So I can't act friendly. But if I don't act friendly, then I am "mean and non accepting". I don't want to go at all, but if we don't go, he says we are "horrible despicable human beings who turned their back on their grandchildren". He has used those exact words. But the thought of seeing them is making me sick to my stomach. As long as they are up there, in another state, I can pray for them, but I don't have to actually SEE them. Now most grandmothers would be chomping at the bit to see them, but I feel nothing but panic. I have other grandchildren here in the town I live, and I feel completely different about them. But these two... my husband feels the same way. I think down deep he wonders if they are really even my sons? This last one especially was conceived during the time they were separated and she ran off to Houston. So who knows? I do know it isn't their fault and they are precious innocents but I can't help how I feel. Please pray for me. I am a basket case right now.

Sommersmom 03/20/2015

poodlegirl, I'm so sorry for what your going through. I really understand. The last time I saw my GC, my ED dropped them off and never got out of the car. Actually, it was a blessing for me, since I really don't like who she's become, and it's easier for me to not have to deal with her complacent feelings toward me. I know my GC are confused, and they're the innocent bystanders to their parents insanity.

Maybe your ES and wife will let you take your GC out for the day, to the park, shoppes, the mall, without them?
Then you can relax and enjoy their company without the judgemental eyes of their parents.

It will be difficult, I will pray for you and your husband to stay strong throughout, and lean on The Lord for comfort.

gordos4 03/20/2015

poodlegirl, I don't blame you ONE bit for dreading it. After the last 2 days with my sons, I don't want to see or speak to either of them for 2 months. You have every right to feel exactly the way you do, and there is NOTHING wrong with you. If I had you on FB, I would send you a page that explains the whole "if you're nice, you're phony" theory, its hogwash. I can tell you to take care of yourself, but that is something I am working on myself right now. When do our lives become our own? Why do we allow our adult children to abuse us like this? Because we are moms. I too, am a basket case today, so we are 2 peas in a pod. :-)

sallyannlass 03/20/2015

First there is nothing wrong with you. You want to see the GC. You may want to take photos of them and hold them. That is all that is expected of you. You can be as loving and caring as you want with your GC. That's not fake. Keep your head down when it comes to their parents but have an open heart to your grands. You can do this. Let the past go unless they bring it up. What's past is best not raised by you. And go treat yourself to a new outfit etc. Its a big day. You are going to see your family.
Not all of us on this site are so fortunate. Blessings

lindajoan 03/20/2015

The Lord has led you to make the trip and He will go with you. You will not be alone. Pray for peace within and for peace with each person you will be with. We will remember to pray. Please give us an update.

dwytnjme 03/20/2015

I know it's very hard to even express all of the turmoil we feel inside over these relationships. As Christians, we want to do the right thing and we know that we are going to have these trials in this life. We want to extend grace, but at the same time--I'm learning there is a time to separate. In Ecclesiastes, Solomon wrote that there is a time to embrace and a time to refrain from embracing. Jesus said that following Him would cause division in our closest relationships. I suffered a great deal before realizing that God wanted me to guard my heart. He didn't want me to continually be a doormat. Only you can decide for yourself what you can and cannot take, but I don't believe you have to expose yourself to verbal and emotional abuse. Please get the book, Boundaries by Henry Cloud & John Townsend. It is so helpful!!

lindajoan 03/20/2015

Excellent book!

agrandmothersheart 03/21/2015

There is nothing wrong with you... I totally get it! These relationships cause us a great deal of stress, anxiety, and confusion. I've been in much the same state over the past week. It seems to come in waves.... some weeks, or even months are good, then it all comes back.

poodlegirl61 03/21/2015

Thank you everyone for your words of wisdom. You have no idea how much comfort you bring to me. Funny to think how this group of strangers can comfort me when my own family can't begin to understand. You are my sisters in this hell we call estrangement, and I thank God for each of you. I am feeling better this morning. My husband and I talked at length about it, and he has a very good plan, which is to take our time going up there (it is a 4.5 hour trip) and have FUN FOR US along the way. There are many fun antique markets along the way and quaint places to stop and see. We will take our precious poodle with us, which is always a great comfort and calming source. When we get there, we will go to their place and not stay long. I am taking two little Easter baskets to give, which of course they are too young, but I will take them anyway. If it goes well, then wonderful. But we are not kidding ourselves or expecting too much. We only plan to stay a VERY short time, then we will head to the comfort of my husband's family vacation home on the lake, which is an hour south of there. In other words, we plan to make a big loop, with them at the top of the loop, then head back south. And that home is a sanctuary, where we can relax and soothe our souls. I will keep everyone posted on what happens. This is to take place April 4.

agrandmothersheart 03/21/2015

Perfect plan! I hope you have a wonderful trip!

Alana2 03/21/2015

That sounds like a great plan, poodlegirl! And a good state if mind to go into it with.

lindajoan 03/21/2015

It sounds like the Lord has given you His Shalom. Praise God.

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