Hi there soverysad....It sounds to me like he is distancing himself because he wants to do things that he knows you would not approve of. It is probably his way of avoiding confrontation and any criticism of his behavior. I know myself that when I was around his age, I did the same thing...most likely not to the same degree though since girls back then did not behave the way they do today. Still, I avoided my moms lectures by staying over friends house overnight and we would then go into Boston as a group and take the last train home later. Was that right? No, it was not but I don't think that girls are any different in the sense that they are "pulling away" and trying to be an adult just as the "moms" are trying to hold on as long as they can.

I also know that my son did the same thing. It is a VERY stressful time for parents but I think it is a "natural process" that we all go through. I think that it is more difficult for parents today than it was even for my son. My son will be 40 next year......(yeow!!) and I think that even 20 years makes a big difference because the times are changing SO MUCH faster than it was then.

Hang in there! It's a roller coaster ride but keep praying that someday he will decide that the ride is over and it's time to get off and grow up.

Sov, I held back on answering your post, I was reaching for the right words. GuelsMom said it beautifully.

I can only add that son's do not want to seem like a "mama's boy", in my opinion, try not to fret too much, hard as it may be.

I do believe he will be in your life.

Thank you for your kind responses. I don't contact him often as not to scare him away. I guess it is true he is distancing himself since he is getting married. She don't want us at the wedding and he knows I'm hurt about not being invited. He's afraid we'll ask to come. Prayers.

Sovery... do you know for sure your son's gf doesn't want you at the wedding? When my son's gf called and demanded more money from us for the wedding than her family would give them started our estrangement. My son just wanted us to hand over whatever she wanted to keep the peace. We didn't and that added to the estrangement. We are not sorry for not giving the money because we knew if it wasn't the money, it would be something down the road.

I wonder how these girls can love our sons so much and hate us so much when we gave birth to them and raised them and they are part of us. Strange.

Stay distant and pray.

Dear soverysadmom,
I'm so sorry for your pain.

There does come a time when we need to let go and just pray that they come back. Sometimes they do, and sometimes they don't. Just as Miriam left Moses in the reeds, we need to at some point in time just let our children go and trust God to look after them. It is amazing what He can do.

It's hard! I know!

I'll be thinking of you and praying for your through my day.

God bless you, soverysadmom.

Sovery, It really does sound like the gf is not encouraging family contact. Our ED's fiancé (sad word) is the same way. God is in control. I am praying against the relationship she is in. It is wrong on many levels. It is sad when we see these changes in our EC. We must ask The Lord to lift our hearts to Him each day. God bless you.

So sorry for you....We do all share the exact same pain when it comes to missing our children. At times it can bring me to tears in a second even when I least expect it.

Let him go make his mistakes, let him grow up while you get some peace and tranquility in your life. This way isn't working because these kids get their minds made up that we are their problem and we don't know anything. Let him go find out that he is is problem. It'll all work out in the end. And tell him that you will be praying for him!

All I can say is that I'm glad it's making us strong because, Ladies; that's what we need to be. Sensitivity is a curse and we gotta get out of it somehow.

Speaking of tone, my son, the last times that we did talk and for a long time, started to talk to me in a tone that was like that of a stranger. As if I were a business client or something.
His mistreatment of me, disrespect of me, disregard for me, bullying of me, betrayal of me, for so very long, finally culminating in my complete erasure, has deadened my heart towards him. I feel now, as if I almost no longer even love him. And I'm not sure that I could ever again trust him enough to love him.
I have a bleeding heart that is almost audible. It is a high pitch, blood curdling squeal of silence. The kind that comes in waves. And you gasp for air as you cry in a sorrow that is unmatched by any sorrow that you have ever known.
It IS matricide. A very slow, very cruel, murder.
Did you ever see the Godfather 3? The scene, Al Pacino's finest as far as I am concerned, when his daughter is shot dead in front of him - He falls to the ground, his mouth wide open and he is trying to scream but nothing comes out, at least not at first. And he screams in silence, probably for at least 30 seconds - 30 seconds is a long time at times, and then it finally comes to him. The pain is released in his scream and that scream, while he does not die there, is his death.

evry1telsme My heart goes out to you. That is so sad but true. I truly know what you mean. I can feel a coldness when a do get an occasional response to my email. I look around and see other families eating out and enjoying their grown children and grandchildren and know this won't be me, at least not until God changes his heart and his gf. It is a slow, painful death definitely. It is torture. I have told my es he is killing me slowly but he has no compassion.

sovery...... as you mention, I think one of the hardest is when out at a mall or a restaurant and see families all together enjoying each other's company. We have some friends in our church who every Sunday their adult children come with their little ones, all the little ones running up to grandma and grandpa and hugging them, all sitting and praying together - I am so happy for them, but it does make me sad my DH and I can't enjoy the same.