Hello. I am so glad I found this group. I do not have the funds to see a therapist and my emotions are ruling my heart. I am crying out to the Lord for wisdom in how to deal with  my 28 year old daughter. She was always needy, the youngest of three, I have two sons who are older and she is my third child and only daughter. I was a single mother for many of those years, and was not as present to her as she needed. She often complained that I did not see what she did for me, she is the type of girl who always had a chip on her shoulder and I seldom was able to get through to her...I often gave up trying due to discouragement. I always struggled to maintain our relationship. But we were also close on other levels. I know I was not the perfect parent. I have been divorced twice. I have been walking with the Lord for over 25 years now, but remarried when the kids were young, he was not very good with the kids and I had to leave him. So she has had her share of trauma. I have always protected her and gave excuses for her. But I also know she is sweet and kind, yet she can be very rough and tough, and has been very volatile. We do not communicate well. But I have always taken my role seriously and loved her well. I have made sacrifices and have always told her I love her, believe in her. But again, we have also batted heads. 

From what I know she never had a life-changing experience, a Holy Spirit conversion so to speak. But she did serve one year as a missionary travelling across Canada...it turned out to be a negative experience for her. She eventually left the church and moved in with a boyfriend who was deeply wounded and divisive. She has a low self esteem, is more on the less educated spectrum, simple and knows it all, opinionated. But she is also very wise, street wise, and sweet, desiring to be loved. But it seems not by me. 

She is no longer as volatile with me, she will text me, but always has an excuse why she cannot visit. She lives in the same town as me since May and has yet to visit. When she was living out of town and would come into town she would not even tell me she was here. Now she lives with my exhusband, whom she used to hate, as he has offered her free room and board and groceries while she settles into a gainfully employed position (she changes jobs often). The same man who wanted nothing to do with the kids, is now stepping up. Late answered prayers I guess. I fight bitterness big time! Its unbelievable. But he is alone now, not having any of his own children, and I guess he is trying to ensure he has family.

I ended up in a small house, outside of town, I do not have much money. I have apologized to her on her 25th birthday for anything I had overlooked or done wrong. She won't even tell me what issues she has against me, she is just indifferent. She also works quite often, but when she has a weekend off she won't visit. I invite her for Sunday dinner, yet she needs to clean her truck or some other excuse. She drove by my house for Thanksgiving to go to the cottage with my ex and did not stop in for a hello even. Its heart breaking!

I want to do what is right, I also want to take her head off for being such a selfish, grrr....I don't want to enable her, but I don't want to lose her and I don't know how to handle this. I pray, I reach out for prayer, but she remains distant. And I get myself all worked up. I know resentment kills a fool, but I don't know how to channel this. She is aware of how I feel. She just gives me excuses. There is a part of me that says I should just let her go and let her come to me...there is a part of me that wants to tell her what a lousy daughter she is...I am so hurt I just want to lash out. I don't know how to deal with this in a mature way, my emotions are all over and I am afraid I am going to make a mistake that will take years to undo. I am adopted and a single woman, so I am aware that I am sensitive to rejection and I try not to put too much of a focus on depending on my children, I am seriously aware of that. I have a good relationship with my sons. 

Anyone with wisdom in how I should proceed, please share.

Thanks so much for taking the time to read my rant! Its hard to summarize and I am up late on a work night trying to find some peace. In the meantime I am thanking the Lord for the gift of motherhood and my daughter, I know the door to Achor will be the gateway to restoration. IN the meantime I am praying I hold it together long enough to not screw things up with heated words. This is so hurtful.