No, I don't think that makes you a bad Christian. I understand how you feel. Unless something were to dramatically change with my ES, which certainly is possible with God's intervention, but unless something happens....I really have no desire to be around my child anymore. And I certainly don't want to be around his wife. I am truly terrified of her and I am scared of him as well. Now if they truly turned their hearts to the Lord, then that would be a different story, because THEY would be new creations. And if that did miraculously happen, then of course I would welcome both of them. And yes I understand about boundaries. You need to protect yourself, both physically and emotionally from the abuse. I could write a book on this. Hugs to you.

Estrangement is very painful and probably more so for the parent (s) because it seems to be much easier for our children to let go of us then us letting go of them. There comes a time we must put them in God's hands, allowing the Holy Spirit to convict, etc as we pray for them. Estrangement is sin.
Matthew 10:14 and Mark 6:11 speaks about when it is time to shake the dirt off your feet.
God can do so much more then we can.... let go and let GOD!

Tripletmom, I am sorry you have gone through this abusive treatment. That is not God's way. You are not wrong. As you said they have sadly been brainwashed. Young people will often go where the going is good and loyalty goes out the window. My ED did that to us when her bf's, at the time, family promised her the grass was greener.

Your sons are very young and very immature. They can come around. They can mature. God can change their hearts. With God All things are possible. Until then, I would just keep them in prayer. If and when you see either one it should be when you know their hearts and motives are right. Then you can welcome them into your life.

You're not a bad Christian. A lot of your background sounds similar to mine. My ex-husband spoke so badly, and so untruthfully about me to our children ( and anyone who would listen,) while he was attempting to brainwash them during the divorce, so they would choose to stay with him, and he could avoid any child support payments.

My youngest was 15 at the time, and she fell hook, line and sinker. He had her convinced that they would have "fun" and by an expensive boat, and have fun with his girlfriend once I was out of the way. It's very sad to be treated that way by your own husband. He is also an unbeliever, and so is my ED who I haven't seen in 6 years.
It was difficult at first, but I now enjoy the peace without her drama in my life. I will always pray for her salvation,
but I don't even recognize the adult she's grown into.

It has only been within these past few years that I learned about Parental Alienation. I finally found a name to what I realized was happening for years. However, I never knew how truly damaging it could be for the child(ren) involved. It has affected every area of my es's life, from school, work, marriage, parenting, friends and so much more.

Years ago, when my son was 15, I did the tough love thing that was popular at that time. I honestly thought my son would eventually come back home but he stayed with his dad. My daughter remained with me. She would come home from weekends with her dad and tell me some of things he had said. I realized, then, that he was solidifying the estrangement with his brain washing or Parental Alienation. We did reconcile for 14 years but, now, are estranged once more. At 43, my es's mind is filled with distortions and lies about his childhood and, of course, me and now, after all these years, they are so real to him that no one can say otherwise, not even his sister.

Recently, a professional in the field of estrangement advised me not to attempt to communicate with my es after his last hateful and "cruel" e-mail and even alluded to the fact that it would be in my own best interest, including my safety. This was a wake-up call for me and a realization of how harmful and powerful Parental Alienation can be.

I agree with those above who commented that only God can change our estranged children's minds and hearts. So that means our job is to pray, pray and keep on praying. He still performs miracles and I have, personally, seen two reconciliations occur.....one after more than 5 years of no contact at all. As Believers, we know there is always "hope".

thank you for sharing... there is always "hope" if we don't lose faith!.. I believe when we come to the point where we know we can't do it on our own, God has us where he wants us to be. I have to believe even when it doesn't appear to be any improvement , God is working it out. In his time, reconciliation will be ours and All the GLORY will be his. God never Fails and He does all things Perfect. Let's hold on and keep praying ....

My Son is 40 soon and has no time for me. He has been very nasty for a long time... He also is influenced by my ex husband who was very abussive to me. I feel as if my Son carried on where my ex left. It is very painful to be on the receiving end of such terrible behaviour. My Son told me he wasn't interested in anything I had to say and to hurry up and die. He would even go to my grave. I brought my Sons up alone, did my best. They are all I have with regards relatives. My other Son is kind to me. It is all so wrong to be in the position when you haven't caused the rift. It is heart breaking. I pray that one day it may be different. the Lord knows everything so I ask him for the answers. Bless you all that are suffering because of your children's lack of love and respect for their parents.

I meant wouldn't go to my grave

You are in shock right now at the brutality of the hatred coming at you. You are being abused, don't listen to those words of hate. Just know you are not alone in your feelings , they are all common to this group. Lots of wisdom, encouragement , and experience expressed in these responses; and love. Hope you are having a better day, and I think eventually the "fantasy world" of your sons will fall apart. It may be a long time, and we don't want that, and that is a struggle.

Thank you for all of your love and support. I feel so much better after having read your thoughts and it confirms for me that what I am doing is right. Unless they return to the Lord, and are repented, I am keeping my boundary up. They are toxic.
It is sad. I was a single mom to my triplets from when they were 2 until they were 8. We were so happy. My ex was always abusive. But when I remarried then he got even worse! He hates my husband and never wanted my kids to accept him. By the time my boys were just shy of 14, they were causing so much trouble in our home and with my husband, that I did the "tough" love thing and let them go stay with their dad . . . but then they never came home. They now are miniatures of my ex. They now continue the abuse like their dad did. My daughter stayed with me and she and I are so close. She hates that her brothers are this way, but there is nothing she can do and it is not her job to fix it. I have told her they are her brothers and if she wants a relationship with them she should, not to worry about me. They don't hate her, just me and my husband.
After my parenting, I have two sons who have turned their backs on God and a daughter who has dedicated her life to Christ. Funny how kids can be raised in the same house and turn out so different.
Hugs to all of you. Thank you again for listening and for your advice. I have been asking God to confirm things for me and I believe He just did.

You are not alone, we know your pain. All any parent can do is their best. Estrangement and parental alienation is the cruelest thing that can happen to a person. On top of that there is the pressure of the judgement and shame that comes with it. Just fight to have a good life I spite of their behavior. It is designed to destroy you ..look to God and those that love you. Here you will find lots of encouragement and support .

With great love,
Betty

We are not meant to take abuse. You don't deserve it. Boundaries are there for our protection.
If we keep accepting that abuse it will continue.I had to reach my bottom to let go and let God.
What has helped me is knowing that God knows the truth. He knows the whole story.Our approval comes from God...There is no condemnation in Christ Jesus. Sending you my hugs and prayers

I'm up and down like a yo-yo. Sometimes I'm in despair, other times I feel totally detached. Detached feels a lot better and more peaceful, but - he's still my son. I miss him, his wife, and their 3 children. Part of my heart has been ripped out. Acceptance is so hard, but more peaceful.

I agree Barby. Acceptance is hard but more peaceful.

barbyzhere its like a bad rollercoaster ride,and it wont stop so we cant get off. And makes me sick to my stomache. If i can get off i dont get back in line. My heart is broke also and i feel for you,and I am sorry.