I wanted to simply say "thank you" to this group for sharing your stories and for the support and encouragement that I see here. I have been a long-time "lurker" but decided recently to join this group. I honestly do not have much time to actively participate in many discussions, but I assure you that I do read many and have received so much from all of you who "get this" and are able to put into words so many of my feelings and emotions.
Our now 24year old ED had attended a large evangelical Christian college (and grew up in a supportive Christian home), went to church, attended a Christian high school, etc...). We found out (2 1/2 years ago now), a few weeks before what would have been her graduation, that she'd failed or received D's in most of her classes her senior year and would not be graduating. She also informed us that she would be moving in with her bf (9 yrs her senior and someone we were not aware of). Amazingly, we were able to keep it together as she told us this information, and to this day have not had angry words with her. She had a story of how she'd met him through a college friend. We later found out that she had been actively online dating with many men for almost a year, and this man was someone she'd met online. For the first few months, she'd text us and even called a couple of times (though the calls were only because she needed something). Gradually, she discontinued all contact although we continue to text her as well as offer from time to time to visit her (she is only 3 hrs from us). We have put in writing to her that she is always welcome to live at home with free room and board if she'd like to finish her education (we paid for all four years of her college that she has never completed, but wanted to give her the opportunity to "fix" her mistake), and we have let her know that we would come and get her anytime night or day, if she needed us to do that. We know she is working, has purchased a house with this man, has not finished her degree, and is very stretched financially. We had assumed that this man was her boyfriend, but we have found out that she continues to online date. Whether the man she's living with is aware of this, we have no idea. People live so differently these days and apparently some "couples" have open relationships. In any regard, our fear that she was being controlled and manipulated by this older man with whom she is living has been put to rest knowing that she's still dating. The downside, however, is that she is still out there in this very dangerous online dating world.
She's disconnected not only from us (her parents), but from all of her former friends and all extended family. Many of you know what this means: she's missed all family events over the past 2 1/2 years such as her only sibling's college graduation, all holidays, grandparent's milestone birthday, etc... It definitely seems as if she's running from something. We just don't know what that is, and she is not willing to share. I can't tell you how many people have told us that we should,"Go up there and get her." Well, she's an adult, and last I knew, it's still illegal to kidnap anyone.
I cling to God's Word that He is my comfort and strength, and we pray that God will hold her tenderly and reconcile her to Him and to us someday. It is just so very difficult as all of you know. I find that the sadness is always there lurking right behind the smile I may have on my face. Yet, we have to continue to live our lives. I do pray for all of us that we will someday find peace.