CHRISTIAN PARENTS of ESTRANGED ADULT CHILDREN Community Group
Estrangement makes it difficult to talk about with family, friends, neighbors and church members. Christians are NOT immune to broken families. Talk about your experiences with those who know how you feel and get positive support through your Christian faith...."In these last days difficult times will come, for men will be lovers of self...disobedient to parents,...
I don't know if anyone else out there is experiencing this, but our ES's only communication with us is sending me a couple emails only (going on 4 months of estrangement) with links on them -- no comment at all from ES -- just the links. Husband and I go to the links and it's always people (who are not professionals in mental health) talking about the narcissist in their life and teaching that the victims really should go no contact for their own mental health. So, hubby and I basically took personal inventories. I apologized for not listening more to my son via text. My husband found where my son had commented to one of the narcissistic websites, felt so bad by what he read, took a day off of work and wrote each word from the bottom of his heart to apologize to our ES via email (husband has sleepless nights worrying ES might be suicidal as he has had bouts with suicidal thoughts in the past). Husband even called me at work to ask me where the dictionary was so he would not mess up on the spelling. ES's response - he sent me another email with links to someone's video speaking on "how to leave a narcissist when you're married to one," etc. My son had accepted Christ into his life when he was about 7 ys. old. Went to church with me and his sister for a several years. Then pulled away from God ys. ago and is a proud athiest. All I know is without Christ in my life, helping me, shaping me, I turn back into this selfish human being. Miserable, angry, unloving and uncaring. Kind of where our ES is. In my son's blog that we read, ES said the (death metal) music saved his life. I see the enemy at work in so many ways in ES's life. It will take a miracle from God to turn ES around, but that's what He does, right? He does miracles still. If it doesn't happen, though, I will keep walking forward with Christ, praying for ES and husband to know Christ as I go. I love this group and thank you to those who have replied to my posts. So true Katesmom95 and lindajoan, my husband & have become closer through this valley in our lives and the 23rd Psalm is so wonderful to me. I change the words to be addressing me specifically in my head only, which really ministers right to my heart (don't know if others have tried this with certain scriptures). I am definitely a sheep and God thankfully is my one and only most incredible Shepherd. Maggie
After my daughter left, I took an inventory of myself, too. I can see where I went wrong in life, what I did do, what I didn't do, what I should have done, etc... I apologized, I wrote letter after letter that went unread and unanswered... Cried, struggled to get out of bed, avoided people, fought depression, etc... Bottom line, I didn't do what she was lying about. She was running away, lost, rebellious towards God and her parents.... God used the time to grow me, but our children's journey's aren't always a reflection of us. Look at Adam... was it God's fault that Adam rebelled?
I love that you add your name into Scripture. After all, it is God's love story to you. I taught my daughter to remember when deciding on a spouse to insert his name into 1 Corinthians and see if she can say it is true or not, and if he doesn't really fit those words, then he is not the spouse for her... for example, instead of saying, "Love is patient..." say, "Paul is patient..." Hopefully next time around she will follow this advice, LOL.
I hear the word "narcissism" a lot these days. Perhaps your son is justifying his own disobedience in dishonoring his parents by using the term against you?? I'm beginning to think it's the catchall word for "lost"... Used by the "lost" as much as it is used to describe the "lost." I love the Got Questions site--searched narcissism there and found this.
Question: "What does the Bible say about narcissism?"
Answer: Narcissism is the term used in psychology to describe a preoccupation with self. It is a Greek term taken from the name of the mythological Narcissus, who fell in love with his own image and was doomed to die because he would not turn away from it. A narcissist is a person who displays a high level of selfishness, vanity, and pride. He sees everything from a “how does this affect me?” perspective. Empathy is impossible for the narcissist because his only perspective is the one centered on self. In psychology, narcissism is seen as a broad spectrum of conditions ranging from normal to pathological.
The Bible says that we are born sinful since the fall (Romans 5:12). This means that we are born with only sinful tendencies and no ability to be “good” or righteous on our own. What we call “human nature” the Bible calls “the flesh” (Galatians 5:19-21). Part of our sin nature is a total focus on self. This focus, also called “egocentrism,” is how babies see and experience the world. Narcissism is like egocentrism in that the adult still relates to the world like an infant, a perspective that impedes personal growth and relationships.
Psychological theories about narcissism suggest that the narcissistic person uses defense mechanisms to idealize self so that he does not have to face his own mistakes (sin) or flaws (fallen state). The diagnosis of narcissistic personality disorder outlines the behavior patterns of a narcissistic person as being haughty, non-empathetic, manipulative, and envious; he also possesses a sense of entitlement and grandiosity. From a biblical perspective, it is clear that these heart conditions are due to pride, which is sin (Proverbs 16:18). The Bible tells us to “look not only to your own interests, but also to the interests of others” (Philippians 2:4). The narcissist routinely disobeys this command.
Pride is a reason people do not feel they need a savior or forgiveness. Pride tells them they are “good” people or have a “good” heart. Pride also blinds people to their own personal responsibility and accountability for sin. Narcissism (pride) masks sin, whereas the gospel reveals the truth that leads to remorse for sin. Narcissistic traits can be dangerous because, at their worst, they will lead a person to destroy others to satisfy the lust of the flesh (2 Timothy 3:2-8).
The Bible addresses the issues related to narcissism as part of our sinful natural self (Romans 7:5). We are slaves to the flesh until we place our faith in Jesus, who sets the captives free (Romans 7:14-25; John 8:34-36). Believers are then slaves to righteousness as the Holy Spirit begins the transforming work of sanctification in their lives. However, believers must surrender to the Lord and humble themselves in order to have God’s perspective rather than a selfish one (Mark 8:34). The process of sanctification is turning away from self (narcissism) and turning toward Jesus.
All people are narcissists until they either learn how to cover it and get along in the world or until they recognize their own flesh and repent of their sin. The Lord helps people to grow out of narcissism when they receive Jesus as their savior (Romans 3:19-26). The believer is empowered to begin loving others as himself (Mark 12:31).
http://www.gotquestions.org/narcissism.html
Praying for you Maggie.
Pray for him. His choice of music scares me. There's a metal band called something like Clown Posse that's evil. I knew a student who was into it and believed they were real. He showed me their pictures on the internet and told me what the songs said. It's definitly demons.