Maria, If we stop trying to control the uncontrolable and let go of obsessing about things we can't change we are given the freedom to change the things we CAN change.

Blessings to you,

So true GuelsMom and we then we can also have the gift of serenity.

Todays message that Dr.Charles Stanley gave was on us trying to control our destiny. If we would just allow
the Lord to work things through without us always trying to make it right, we would receive the greater
blessing. We have missed out on many blessings because we just can't wait. Why is it taking the Lord
sOOO long to bring our EC back to us. It's all in the giving and in the waiting and then the blessings will
come. He said even when you can't see anything happening God is at work. Don't be fooled! Our God is in total control!

Maria, I could use a little prayer like that. Remember me!

There comes a time when you won't even worry about the outcome. You may think about it once in a while, but, eventually it starts to lessen. God helps us with that as well. Relieving the obsessive thoughts. I use to think about it all the time but not anymore.

When I took a break from the sites I thought about it less.

God is Good,
Pearl

From what I read, most new people that come through the door, come through obsessing and excessively trying to take control of the situation that they find slipping away from them little by little. It is panic and fear that is in control because we can't see our invisible God doing anything to plug the hole in the dam that is about to break in front of our very eyes. Loved ones are seen to be slipping away hour by hour and nothing that is said or done seems to change it - in fact everything that is done to fix it seems to have the opposite effect, so the answer seems to be WORK HARDER! I know this was me in full gear in the beginning and I don't think I was much different than others.

I fully believe that our estrangement only got wider as a result of my obsessing over it. If I had simply turned it over in the beginning I can't help but believe our estrangement would be over now. Had I talked to God before I opened my mouth and "listened to the voice within" I would not have sent those excessive emails, begged so much or cried so many tears.

Hindsight is always 20/20! :-(

I also wish I had turned it over to God sooner because all my chasing after them has made them run away from me.

I think each of us is exactly where we need to be in this process, our EC included. It takes time to detach from the behaviors of others, time to accept painful choices others have made, time to realize that we can't do anything to fix it, time to be able to turn them over to God.

After three years of calling and getting no answer, one day ED answered. We talked for a few minutes and I begged her not to do this. I told ED that we love her as she loves her own child. I haven't tried to connect again since then. Another 2 years have gone by.
I did let go and let God. I am no different than anybody else who has their cross to bare.

This past spring, we received Father's & Mother's Day cards, AND I got a birthday card and gift!!
With that, my emotions have been stirred up again.

Maria...I'll use your prayer too. Thank you.

Amen Maria.

Moriah, well put. You put into words what I did in the beginning too. I obsessed and tried taking control to change the situation, then when that didn't work I tried harder only to fail. After letting God take control I am able to handle the estrangement much better. Don't get me wrong, I still have bad days but they are fewer and easier to handle. Now to continue to remember this....

Well, as usual, I'm a little different! In the beginning (it's been 9 months of estrangement), I did not reach out to ED in real life, but I was CONSTANTLY trying to learn more about her living situation through FB and the internet - i.e., sleuthing. So I was obsessing about her, but not really contacting her much, although we have had some phone contacts and occasions when I extended invitations that she either wiggled out of or just declined. Especially in the beginning, she had a lot of anger towards me plus excitement about the new LOVE of her life. Maria, I also don't mentally go to towards the "outcome" too often because I really have mostly lost hope for any meaningful relationship. In reality, we never had one since I was the only one who felt love and commitment in our adoptive "family". I didn't realize my ED had her own game plan all along and probably just viewed me as her temporary warden.

Slowly, I am obsessing less and leaving things in God's hands. Honestly, I don't think I've changed enough to even attempt to have a relationship with ED. I still think I would revert back to lectures, criticisms of her life choices and lifestyle, etc. God and I have a lot of work to do on me still so I am sure He knows what He is doing. I am starting to actively work on improving my lifestyle...with baby steps. I joined a gym, BUT haven't set foot in it yet !! LOL I joined a Church small group and did go to a meeting last Friday. I'm trying to get better acquainted with my own family (nephews 3 & 8).

Sometimes I find that whole chunks of time have gone by (I'm talking a couple hours) when I have not thought of ED and whenever that happens I'm thankful and hopeful. Next month, she should be delivering a baby girl. I am really not wanting to meet the baby since it will only add to my heartbreak as long as the estrangement is in place. ED has also reconnected with her entire birth family - so I hope they have changed enough to be a positive or at least neutral influence on ED. (Trying not to be so harsh in my judgements of them...I still have a log in my own eye!)

Thank you for a thought-provoking post and for allowing me to share. God bless us all and keep us focused on Him and His plan...not our own!