Proverbs 19:11
11 Good sense makes a man restrain his anger, and it is his glory to overlook a transgression or an offense.

Oh yes, I get what you are saying ...
For me, it takes practice and I think it is the real 'work' of estrangement for us parents. The constant letting go of the offenses ... even deciding ahead of time that we will not be offended by their disrespect or silence toward us. Bottom line, our EC's are adults now and responsible for themselves. Yes, their bad behavior hurts us deeply ... but we must let their behavior between them and God. We want better for them because we know the consequences of sin ... and this is sin, plain and simple .....

The roots of bitterness can sit in very quickly ... for me, the 'work' has been to forgive over and over and over and decide that His Word is true and that it is in my best interest to not take offense .... Their behavior really in the bigger picture has little to do with us. They will answer to God for their behavior and we will answer to God for ours.

Focusing on my own shortcomings, making sure I have asked for forgiveness for my unforgivness toward my ED has been a biggie .... but I so want to obey Him ... that as I grow ... (and I have a long way to go) ... the easier it gets to let go of what my ED has done and continues to do in regard to us ... and in doing that it leaves no room for the cancer of bittnerness to grow in me.

Forgiveness is a command so we do it. As far as bitterness we can hate the sin and we should. Estrangement by offspring to parents is sin. Bitterness is not good for us and our Lord would not want it to be in our lives. It is very sad what our children have done. They have also lost so much. How foolish.

Inspite of the hurt I do not have a problem with forgiveness. It's the only way .. Otherwise bitterness has a hold on us. Trouble is our children are not thinking the way we do as Christians .... Result.. No communication as they do not see the wrong they are doing in the way they act towards us. Trouble is what an example to their own children. It's so wrong. No love one another as I have loved you. Love is the greatest Commandment. Also to forgive seventy times seven. We know these things...but do our children understand. I don't think they do.

Myself, I forgive for selfish reasons. Refuse to become an angry, bitter, hateful old lady. I look at old ladies like that and they are just so ugly. I want to radiate peace, calm, and serenity. That cannot happen if I harbour anger and bitterness in my heart. So, I read my Bible and ask God to give me that peace I so crave.

The last thing I want is for my ES, and his supporters, to look at me and say that I'm nothing but a sad, bitter, old ugly lady. I'm way too stubborn for that!

Quietmama - like you, I have another child who is loving. He also didn't want to talk about ES and while I missed ES so much, I thanked God for the son that loved me and loved spending time with me. Now that ES is "sort of" back in my life, I try to take my sister's advice to be thankful for whatever you get, big or little.

Spend time loving on your son and grandchild. And keep your ED and her spouse in your prayers.

I have had to cut off all communication with my estranged child due to constant verbal and emotional abuse. Some days i do well...some i wake up with a sense of something being very wrong before i remember and those days are not good. I also have had to forgive ex, who contributes to all this . Its hard when God gives us a mothers heart but we are supposed to act loving while it seems like our child is dead, but she is still out there somewhere walking around......She too is a Christian...i know that drugs cloud a mind and reasoning....i'm just venting, it helps me to write and thank you all for responding. Blessings in Him!

Quietmama - the only thing that has kept my heart from being consumed with bitterness is prayer against this very thing. I've been (and I know I'm not alone in this) been betrayed and have known abuse from so many in my family that were suppose to love and protect me, as far back to when I was a small child. I've seen what bitterness does to people and it's not pretty - the one person I'm thinking of, a sibling, has been so bitter and miserable for so long that it would only take an act of God to remove the delusion that she lives under. The same goes with an estranged adult child. Neither of them are Christians and absolutely loathe me for my faith. It's horrible to see the bondage they are in - it really is, because I really feel if they would just let Jesus into their lives, they would be set free. To me, it is their inability to admit their wrongs (they are ALWAYS right and NEVER apologize) for the harm they do to others and that is pride. I've been been praying that The Lord keep my heart from bitterness for a long time and for the most part, He has, but sometimes I do feel very angry at the damage they have done, but then I pray about that and then my feelings turn to sorrow for them because it has to be miserable for them to live in that prison that they do and then I pray again for their eyes to be opened to the Lord and that they will be saved.

If I keep in mind that they are lost and need our compassion (that does not mean we must submit ourselves to their abuse) more than anything else, our prayers for them will keep us from bitterness - to remember this has helped me so much.

thank you Mountaingirl.....I got to a place where i rarely prayed about her.......i am now praying again, really honest prayers with God about how I feel and asking for His mercy and for Him to turn her heart......sometimes I am so tired. thanks again.

Quiet mama, I too am praying for my ES. It is so hard to accept that they no longer love or need us. I have forgiven him but it does not take my pain away. Keep praying that is all any of us can really do

I am unable to talk about my AS to my other Son.. That doesn't help me at all. I said yo him you gave a wife to talk things over with and to share. I sit alone.