Excellent post, chocolate. It made me ponder how I deal with reminders and a chronic hole in my heart. Not that anyone or anything can replace our EC but I try to think of a blessing in my life. My mind also goes to someone I know in my life going through a deep trial and in need of prayer. The scripture, although only possible with God's help is is to remember that "with God ALL things are possible."

It has taken me a long time to be able to sit down and look at old photos of family adventures, graduations, and other memories of the past, but I recently went through hundreds and hundreds of photos in order to toss some and keep those that I thought our grandkids might like in order to know about his life with their grandparents that DO love him and that we do exist. Some of them were very hard to get through and so I would put them aside for a while and then go back. At times I found myself smiling at reliving the event and that was a good thing.

For you, I think it is something that we all have gone through and, in the early days of estrangement, it is more difficult. I think you have done what a lot of us have done - put them away for a while. I did that and it did help. As for her favorite color? Make it seem less important by telling yourself that she probably has a new favorite color by now - probably black!

I also had to put away photos, both old and new. Out of sight helps keep out of mind for at least some of the time.

"We must be willing to let go of the life we have planned, so as to accept the life that is waiting for us."

Joseph Campbell

I don't know how long your estrangement has been going on, but it seems to get a little easier as times goes on. I've had about 2.5 years of estrangement and took down all pictures early on and have only been able to look at baby pictures thus far. Even when my ED was in the same room more than once while my sister was dying last year, I couldn't even bear to look at her as she is an unrepentant shell of the child I once knew. It was too much. I've found that leaving town dulls the reminders and I'm doing one step beyond that, I'm leaving the country soon. Lately, I've been convicted about my other faithful children and how unfair it is to spend so much time grieving my ED. I've decided to start remembering them instead of her each time a trigger reminds me of her. I've also started encouraging and supporting a friend who has endured 20 years of rejection. I hope it helps a little...we all know how our minds can think about our EC's all day long some days.

I understand what you mean. I agree with others that it gets easier. The early days are just hard!! I threw away a perfectly good coffee maker because it's the one es used to make coffee from every day. I bought another coffee maker the same week (or day maybe!!) LOL. I used to have the hardest time in the produce area of the grocery store. Our es loves plums. The plums seemed to mock me and follow me around the produce area!! I know there were TONS more of reminders-these are just the ones I could remember. Now I'm able to look at the plums and smile. It's almost as if it's a sweet memory I have a little boy I used to know very well. I'm more able to think of the memories as just that-sweet memories-not reminders. But, that takes a LOT of time. Be patient with yourself!

"Be Still and Know That I am God" ps 46:10 it helps me every time. I have been using this for over a year now and my heart is peaceful. God is in control of this ugly situation - not me. That being said it took me over 2 years to reach this after many, many tears, much anger; many questions and failed attempts at "fixing" this to no avail. Turning it over to the Lord (easier said than done) has been freeing. I finally accepted I can cannot change their hearts only God can.

I never did remove my daughters pictures even though at times it made me very sad. I just was not able to remove them because as much as I wanted to, they are my daughters and I will always love them. Now when I look at their pictures it is the positive, joyful times we shared that are in my thoughts. My estrangement has been 3 1/2 years and yes it does get easier to accept this is my life for now. I do not attempt to contact them anymore and accept when or if they are ready the will contact me. Sometimes space and silence in these situations is the best. Whatever they are having to work through will be done in their own time and way.

You are in my prayers.

It is written; Be anxious for nothing. Thats what I think of when I think of my estranged daughter. I think dont be waiiting for her to reconnect. Just move on with my life . If God wants it to happen he will make it happen. Its been 13 years . Time to let go of the past.

Thank you all for the helpful tips and suggestions. Everyone of them struck a cord with me.
lindajoan - think about the blessings in my life - I also often use the backwards thinking "it could always be worse". Indeed, with God all things are possible.
Gueslmom - it gets easier with time, and also putting things away is fine. I've very much sterilized our apartment. We had soo many knick nack reminders too. Funny thing - I'm the one who wears mostly black!! That figures, right?! I've gotten rid of several items of clothing in the "other" color. Maybe they have moved on though, I'll keep that in mind.
Canadianmoth - "out of sight out of mind" exactly. Results in a little peace of mind.
DoverFox - I love that quote. I need to look ahead to what God has for me next. I know my life still has meaning and purpose for Him, I just need to get there.
rosearch - we left town too. Moved almost 2,000 miles away. It has helped a lot. Unfortunately the digital age doesn't want to give me a break. We dream of moving a bit further still and will when we can. I've known others who have moved out of the country for similar reason. I'll bet you'll have a wonderful new adventure! So happy for you to be able to do that.
ByHim4Him - the coffee maker - perfect example! I have gotten rid of several kitchen things for the same reason! The kitchen stuff you use and are confronted by it so often. It was just too much. Can't enjoy a cup of tea (or coffee) without feeling bad! No good! And the plum! Oh my goodness! Ours is apples, and pretty much all fruit. I used to have nightmares when they were younger about running out of fruit and having to go to the grocery store in the middle of the night to buy more! Living with kids from an orphanage makes food issues huge. I'm glad you can look at them fondly again.
mcj3321 - "Be still and know that I am God" simple but deep. I'll try to recite that a lot. I am a natural "fixer" too. Just can't watch things go "unfixed" without huge anxiety on my part. I imagine some day I'll put the photos back but for now it is such a huge relief. I only took down a few at first but eventually stored them all. I have been getting better the past few weeks and I think that has helped. But I can see it feeling more sad too. Whatever works in these situations, right?! Not a path I ever anticipated. Bo-coups $ on all those professional photos. I still assume they will be family heirlooms in the future.

Thanks again all. So nice just knowing I'm not alone. Blessings to you all this weekend esp. You are treasured and greatly loved by the Lord.

Oh, just saw yours Weepingwillow after I posted. "Be anxious for nothing". That is a good one. 13 years, that is a long road. God bless you.