CHRISTIAN PARENTS of ESTRANGED ADULT CHILDREN Community Group

Estrangement makes it difficult to talk about with family, friends, neighbors and church members. Christians are NOT immune to broken families. Talk about your experiences with those who know how you feel and get positive support through your Christian faith...."In these last days difficult times will come, for men will be lovers of self...disobedient to parents,...

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butterfleye 08/04/2015

I really struggle over how to answer someone concerning how many children I have because then they ask ABOUT them (where they are, what they're doing, any grandchildren...). It's really just small talk to THEM but a big deal for me. I have seven children and three of them are estranged. One of them has had a child but at present, it is my only grandchild. If I say i have a grandchild, the natural follow-up question is how often I see him. Ugh!

Perhaps if I just keep it short like "I have seven children, they are scattered all over the US so I don't see them very often." and then turn it around immediately and ask "How about you?"

How do you all handle it when you are asked about your adult children by strangers or new acquaintances?

ruthsandraschilling 08/04/2015

I dread anyone asking me how my sons are. My youngest never invited me to his wedding and I felt humiliated when people said I enjoyed his wedding. Brought them up alone ... My ex remarried and his new wife was invited ... Not his birth Mother. It is beyond my understanding. Now another wedding will be coming up soon. He never wants to see me again... Hurt! Is an understatement.

agrandmothersheart 08/04/2015

When asked about my son and grandchildren I generally say I don't see them as often as I'd like and leave it at that. Most people don't ask further questions.

butterfleye 08/04/2015

I am so sorry for you, Ruth. I hope you are finding a way to be good to yourself despite all this.
And great suggestion, agrandmothersheart!

lindajoan 08/04/2015

I like your idea butterfleye. I would give the total # of children and pass the conversation back. I really do not believe you owe strangers or acquaintances a detailed explanation. Most people are more interested in themselves.

It used to bother me more when people who knew me well and knew that our ED had left home would ask if we had heard from her. People who have not gone through the same heartache can not understand.

Sommersmom 08/04/2015

It's become much easier for me in the last year, since my ED and SIL moved to another state. I tell people that unfortunately, she's a troubled young lady, who lives across the country, and I don't see her.

butterfleye 08/04/2015

Yes, lindajoan, I sooo know what you mean about people who are privy to the family status and ask such things. They are usually asking in a thinly veiled manner of condemnation towards you.

And Sommersmom, I like your answer as it politely lets the asker know that it is a painful subject when you add that she is a "troubled young lady". I can imagine it would make the asker feel a bit uncomfortable and cause them to turn the conversation.

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