CHRISTIAN PARENTS of ESTRANGED ADULT CHILDREN Community Group

Estrangement makes it difficult to talk about with family, friends, neighbors and church members. Christians are NOT immune to broken families. Talk about your experiences with those who know how you feel and get positive support through your Christian faith...."In these last days difficult times will come, for men will be lovers of self...disobedient to parents,...

561 Members

3,756 Posts

0 Online

whyonlychild 10/27/2014

Our ES made it very clear to our 3rd party friend that he wants no holidays with us and absolutely will never take anything from us and that includes the Will. They live in a nice 2 story townhouse with common areas. Was trying to think of something that they would all enjoy. Looked into like a ping-pong table with 12 different tops but realized the games were for 2 only. a gift certificate won't work and I would rather it be something sent or delivered to their house. The kids ages are 14, 12, 9 and ES - then other 2 younger ones with GF are 6 and 3. I sure would appreciate any and all input on this one. It can be quite expensive since it would be for all of them. Then when they come here, I want to have just a couple of small presents for each of them so I try to stay out of further problems with ES.

Thank you so much for any ideas. Prayers and hugs

RetiredHeather 10/27/2014

this has to be very exciting for you and hubby, and most of all for the grandkids. If they're like most young people, their parents probably bought them ipads, ipods, tvs, computers, or they share. What I've done with my little grands when they sleep over (not enough, never enough!), is give them each Visa cards and take them to Walmart.. which has everything they could ever want... and believe me, there's always something.

Maybe for the wrapped gifts at Christmas you can ask each one for a list of what their siblings would like. And again, every child always has that one thing that no one thought of.

I'm so happy for you and hubby... your Christmas is going to be just wonderful!

whyonlychild 10/27/2014

Great ideas Heather but perhaps my biggest question is a gift for all of them including ES. Then the Visa Cards plus a wrapped presents at our house.

RetiredHeather 10/27/2014

I was thinking your son didn't want a gift. But if he's good with it, it would be fun to plot and plan with the grands as you see them... you know how they love to be in on surprises for their parents. It's all very exciting!

lindajoan 10/27/2014

I apologize, but I thought your ES said no gifts. I must have read it wrong. Please share.

texassunshine9406 10/27/2014

I guess I read it wrong too-It says NO holidays or Gifts or even the will??

AllKheirlyn5 10/27/2014

I am confused too...no gifts...no holidays per a third party ?????

Is he coming to your house for christmas? I must have missed something so I dont know how to reply sorry

AllK

whyonlychild 10/28/2014

I see what you are telling me. It is his decisions not to ever take anything from us. We will probably have the GC one day during their Christmas break. (Third party is a very good friend of both his and ours who has helped us a lot and the reason we now are able to occasionally see GC) It's ok to give the GC gifts since we have celebrated 2 birthdays with GC. We take each one out on their B'day for special celebration and gifts. He isn't forbidding that just that he doesn't want anything ever from us. It's just a spiteful, hurtful way of again hurting us. I guess I should do as he says and just get a couple small things for each child. We had such a nice Christmas last year and I guess I am just trying to find a way to do something.

RetiredHeather 10/28/2014

Many of us, even when not estranged, don't get to take our grands out by ourselves, so you're blessed beyond words. Your son has his way, and at least he's communicating what he wants or doesn't want. Once the grands are in your possession, you'll all have a great time, and no stress, just fun and a time to make wonderful memories. Stay as you are, you've doing great xo

lindajoan 10/28/2014

That is wonderful that you can enjoy the gc. It is best to abide be your ES's rules on gifts to Him. God can soften his heart in His timing.

EJMA 10/28/2014

I agree that you should honor your ES wishes. Don't go overboard with gifts for the GC, either. Look for some wonderful books, maybe? Things that will touch them, but not overwhelm your ES.

IT really is such a blessing that you get to spend time with the GC. Just know that you need to do so on your ES terms, because he can yank those privileges anytime he likes. Enjoy, praise God for the time with the GC and keep it simple.

Alana2 10/28/2014

Definitely not walking with the Lord has a lot to do with it for many of them, barbell.

I agree with EJMA. You don't want to overwhelm him. He has issues.

valerieia 10/28/2014

I am wondering if the gifts may be returned and if that may make you more sad over the holidays. I feel nervous because I don't know if EC is firm about not wanting anything including the Will. Also this info was via a 3rd party who could have interpreted the information inaccurately. Maybe try with smaller gifts and nice cards or a bank cheque (a personal cheque can cause you anxiety checking if it is drawn). Maybe send via registered post so you know if it is received or rejected. Only God can change hearts so ask him to take charge of the issue and trust him. God bless you and all of us estranged parents.

Join the Conversation