I think if we inspire our children to honor us, it lessens the need to require it. Everyone is attracted to joy and parents who radiate true joy will make it easier for their children to honor them. The biggest thing we do to inspire honor is being full of joy, quick to forgive, patient and fun-loving. When I speak with grace, give soft answers and show reverence to my husband, our kids still at home are inspired to honor me.

One day, I believe our ED will honor us again and deeply regret all that she has done the past few years. That is my hope and prayer. Her honor will once again come from her heart as it did before the estrangement and I will be overwhelmed by the goodness of my Saviour to restore to me what the locusts have eaten.

I found a very interesting article on the subject here: http://www.bibletools.org/index.cfm/fuseaction/Library.sr/CT/RA/k/164/A-Matter-of-Honor.htm

Hugs,
- Blue

One of the important virtues in life is loyalty. I believe I failed my ED and son about loyalty to their Mom. Just like Bluemoonlight, her children are able to honor her when she honors them and her husband. This was not always my case.

In order to honor someone, they need to show they are a person of honor as well. If the child is confused by the parents choices or behaviors, it is difficult for the child to honor and be loyal to that person. Now what I have recognized is that I did not honor my own parents for many years. My father was extremely abusive, hitting us all the time, making fun of us, putting us down, etc...as a child I came to the realization that my Father was a bully as he hit with his fist, women and children. It took me a long time to even consider a relationship. I believe my experiences may have spilled over to my kids. Even though I loved them and didn't do the same things that my Father did to me, I believe my own unresolved issues with my parents was a "silent cancer" of bitterness and distance which permeated in the home and onto my children unbeknownest to me. Not until I allowed God to soften my heart towards my abusers.

Loyalty is very important. Many of my siblings' children are extremely loyal to their parents even if my siblings were not the greatest parents. And I do not GET THAT! And believe me, some were horrible. But the kids still love them, come over for dinner and BBQ's and always celebrates special events. I see this with all of my siblings except me. So frustrating!

I think this was a good post as it made me think about my own honor and loyalty to my parents. Which I do have now, but it took a long time. I'm glad I got past the negative feelings towards them.

Pearl

Thanks for your thoughts Blue and Pearl. I agree that its important to uphold our position of honor with our children, but I think we need to be careful about not feeling that we have to earn their honor. The honor is because we are their parents and God commands us to honor our parents. That doesn't mean we misuse our place of honor by using it against our children. Pearl, I've seen it time and time again where horrible parents are honored by their children. We do deserve honor.

Honor, respect were just things we grew up knowing were right and expected. I thought we instilled the same values in our son. I'm so confused about this estrangement and how it could happen. It seems whenour ES came home from the Navy he made terrible choices especially about the women in his life. We thought he loved and honored us as we love and respect him as his own person. This girlfriend has no respect or honor for anyone. She is the important one so we are out. I just wonder how we could be so wrong about our ES. He never gave us any trouble and seemed to honor our values in life. Both my husband and I treated all of our parents with loyalty and respect. We treat each other with respect as we also treated our son with respect. I don't feel like I have the answers except he is doing the exact opposite to what he was taught and shown.

If my daughter cared about me and was honoring me she would not allow unkind words to be left between us. If someone loves you then they should want to make you happy. That means your feelings would matter, your needs, they'd want to hear about your life history, your future plans, your traditions, etc. and they would be willing to compromise so that you are happy. Also, they would ensure that their spouse and children treat you with respect.