Your feelings are so understandable edr. I had several clothing items, and gifts still at my home after my ED vanished with my GC. I kept those items for a few years praying I'd see my GC again. After I realized the clothing would no longer fit them, and they probably had outgrown the type of toys still waiting for them, I donated them to a struggling mom in my place of work. It was actually very cathartic. I think that was the beginning of my healing. It felt good to move past the guilty feeling I had about my GC not receiving things I purchased for them.

I pray everyday that somehow, someway, God will put in their hearts that I love them. That keeps me going.

I think a couple of things are happening to you right now ... Number one, you are grieving and that in itself is quite a shock to your system. Secondly, every brain connection in you is wired to do what you do ... love them, involve them, respond and reach out in a certain way. Estrangement interrupts all of those 'normal' processes ... it's often abrupt, like a death of sorts.

I remember when my mother died, I would still pick up the phone and being to dial her number as I had done for years and years ... it was hard wired in my brain. It took probably a year, at least before I didn't catch myself before I'd pick up that phone.

It's the same with estrangement and loving your grandkids. The things that just come naturally, that are hard wired ... our love for them, is just abruptly disconnected on the other end ....

What you are experiencing is a 'normal' reaction to an 'abnormal' situation of estrangement. It is what it is .... you cannot force the other side to reconcile, to speak to you, to respond or to allow you access to those grandkids.

I remember very well when I gave away the toys I had in the house for the grandkids and this little table and chairs all painted in primary colors .... it's heartbreaking and you will grieve over it ....

But, edr ... if they absolutely refuse and forbid you to contact them, then you have done all you can do .... Only you know where that final line is with your EC's ... whether they expect you to keep reaching out to them ... I am just a little leary myself because when we went to check on our daughter ... not being told there was any problem ... she called the police on us and threatened a restraining order.

I have read many stories on DS where EC's will and do use the law to keep their own parents away from them and the grandkids ... that's is why I tend to be cautious and take them at their word when they say NO CONTACT... but you are the only one in the situation who really knows how much you can push it ...

If you think you could just send them the Christmas gifts thru the mail, perhaps they would accept it that way ... but bottom line, if they don't want to reconcile, the reality is that you will grieve it and have to find a way to move on. I'm sorry, it is a very hard thing, but we know Jesus and He will give you the grace you need to get through whatever may come. WARM HUGS hon ... I know how you feel.

You guys are wonderful,our son came by on christmas eve and picked all my gs gifts and there gifts up,these are gifts that my sister gave to our gs,we didnt even get to see him open anything they wouldnt even let us wish him a merry Christmas i know the wound is still raw, I keep going over the way our son spoke to us.and the thought of how they have made us look like a fool,and talked about us.I need to pray, for them and us

I believe your son knows how much you and DH love your gs. He should have no doubt. You are wonderful grandparents. It seems to be a mean game that EC use by withholding these innocent children. I hope and pray that this will turn around soon. God bless you and DH.

Lead by example.... By giving in to our ec and their selfish ways, may be selfishness on OUR part. It is very heartbreaking not being a part of our gc lives. Unless a understanding can be made for regular visitations, I feel we may be doing more harm to our gc . Do you really want your gc to think this is normal for g.parents to have to beg or put up with the abuse in order to have visitation? They soon will use these techniques in their own lives to get what they want since they see how well it worked with their parents. I would rather explain later the real reason I chose not to fight over them. Could this be a possible reason for so much bullying in the schools today?
Maybe I am wrong, just another way of thinking.
I understand about the presents that have not been given..... I have a room full of them, christimas, birthday, and even baby shower gifts( not invited). Not seeing my gc is very hard to deal with. I love them dearly.

I don't really have anything to add except I agree with all of you ladies...
The grieving is so painful, and so unfair that innocent grandchildren are being used as pawns.

as Faith mentions, these grandchildren will notice what they're parents are doing.
Sadly, the chances of them (your grandchildren) growing up and doing the same estrangement game to their parents (your children) are high. How sad a day for them, when they realize the depths of pain they caused their parents(you) and they will grieve like we have.
Praying...

Lord give these children of ours eyes to see, ears hear, and hearts to understand...

Hugs to you edr and all of you hurting grandmas...

Thank you to everyone,and I am not going to call my son. I called his job about week and half ago he was not happy with me calling,you can tell I wanted to know if they were going to let us see our gs,he was very rude and he said no not for a long while s o I told him "then you let me know when." So now I can stop looking out the window,but I will tell you I know it may sound silly but it makes me feel better I emailed my grandson a letter,and I made copies so our son,/ dil know I have asked for him and I talk to my grandson. Like he is the one reading it,I let my gs how much we love and think,talk of him often.So our son/ dil may delete it but I am sure they read it.so I don't know how long this will last it maybe forever but I hope our gs doesn't forget us I am so sad,thank you all for your support