Very sorry to hear of the actions of your ES. It is hard to understand how our EC do what they do. We know we deserve better than that. So does Jesus. It must make Him sad since His plan was that we be honored by our children. We pray one day our EC will see the truth. Please know how valuable you are to God. You are valuable to us too.

soverysadmom, I hope you will reach out to forgottenmom, Norske1, and lindajoan (who has already posted above), and share your thoughts and feelings. This is not right. This should not be happening to us. And yet the Lord allows our children to come unto Him in their own way. In the old days you could knock some sense into the heads of these kids, but that really didn't help. God teaches that He is "the way, the truth, and the life." The children will come according to God's plan and in His time. I am thankful that you "go on only because of the Lord." Yes, He is the way and our eternal faith in Him will deliver us. Pray for your son even as you must love him from afar. Keep the faith, and your son will be delivered according to God's will. --EJ

soverysadmom......After reading your post, I just don't have the right words to express my feelings about how you were treated so disrespectfully. I have to admit that it would take me a long time to get past something this deplorable. It reminds me of the taunting that Jesus has to endure on the cross and yet he looked up to the Father and said, "Father, forgive them for they know not what they do." Jesus could do that as they were mocking him - the very Jesus that came to save them from eternal damnation! Oh, to be more like Jesus and forgive so quickly and so easily. Perhaps before my time is up, I'll get a little better at it.

soverysadmom - your step kids didn't think, or maybe they did, about how it would hurt you. I guess my advise would be to not let your true feelings be known to them. If they bring up again that your ES visited them and not you, I would respond with something like "that's nice that you got to see him; DH and I were just so busy we probably couldn't have fit in a visit anyway; maybe another time" and change the subject.

What I have found with the younger generation of today is that they love to throw darts - whether they are estranged or not. Some of the things I hear adult children say to their parents is so hurtful. I know places like facebook and twitter give them an opportunity to throw darts so easily. My advice would be to not show any emotion.

Guelsmom, yes. O, to be like Jesus. To ask that they be forgiven even as they mock us. Maybe they will have hell to pay for their actions - but we don't even want that, really. We just want them to appreciate the sacrifices we have made for them, and if not that, then at least not seek to hurt us. Norske, I think your approach is a necessary one. The young people seem only to respect macho indifference. If you act as Jesus did, they would only mock us more and pour salt in the wounds. We must also have the patience of Job.

5 Ye have lived in pleasure on the earth, and been wanton; ye have nourished your hearts, as in a day of slaughter.

6 Ye have condemned and killed the just; and he doth not resist you.

7 Be patient therefore, brethren, unto the coming of the Lord. Behold, the husbandman waiteth for the precious fruit of the earth, and hath long patience for it, until he receive the early and latter rain.
James, Chapter 5:
8 Be ye also patient; stablish your hearts: for the coming of the Lord draweth nigh.

9 Grudge not one against another, brethren, lest ye be condemned: behold, the judge standeth before the door.

10 Take, my brethren, the prophets, who have spoken in the name of the Lord, for an example of suffering affliction, and of patience.

11 Behold, we count them happy which endure. Ye have heard of the patience of Job, and have seen the end of the Lord; that the Lord is very pitiful, and of tender mercy.

12 But above all things, my brethren, swear not, neither by heaven, neither by the earth, neither by any other oath: but let your yea be yea; and your nay, nay; lest ye fall into condemnation.

13 Is any among you afflicted? let him pray. Is any merry? let him sing psalms.

14 Is any sick among you? let him call for the elders of the church; and let them pray over him, anointing him with oil in the name of the Lord:

15 And the prayer of faith shall save the sick, and the Lord shall raise him up; and if he have committed sins, they shall be forgiven him.

16 Confess your faults one to another, and pray one for another, that ye may be healed. The effectual fervent prayer of a righteous man availeth much.

17 Elias was a man subject to like passions as we are, and he prayed earnestly that it might not rain: and it rained not on the earth by the space of three years and six months.

18 And he prayed again, and the heaven gave rain, and the earth brought forth her fruit.

19 Brethren, if any of you do err from the truth, and one convert him;

20 Let him know, that he which converteth the sinner from the error of his way shall save a soul from death, and shall hide a multitude of sins.

How old was this step child?

Thanks for the caring and prayers. I'm so glad I have this website to express my feelings. It has helped since people don't understand.

Hi lindajoan, they are actually my son's half-siblings. My husband had custody of them when we married 23 years ago. They are 35, 36, and 39. The two girls have taken every opportunity to treat us like dirt, except when they want something. I'm sure they had a big ole time talking about how bad we are. And they are all involved in church, which is really the sad part. I just don't understand it.

No excuses at that age. I was going to blame it on immaturity if they were younger. Please don't let their rudeness define you on any way. You are in the right on God's eyes.

It is certainly a blessing to have this place of support and understanding.

What is sad about women of that age is that they are unlikely to change unless they come to Jesus. By mid-30s, the die is pretty much cast in terms of morals, values, and personality. How petty they sound. Can your husband influence them? The next time they "want something," let them know that you refuse to be treated this way any longer. As I have said in other posts, no one wins a medal for accepting abuse year after year. You don't deserve this - plain and simple. Our very best wishes to you. --EJ

Sad thing is my husband goes running whenever they want something, no matter how bad they treat him, just so he can get a glimpe of the grandkids. Thanks to everyone and prayers for you also.

Well I agree that the lines of communication should be kept open as much as possible, but there has to be a limit.

Everyone reacts differently for different reasons Sovery. I know the pull of seeing a gc is great but if DH keeps running I don't think there is much incentive for them to change their ways. So sorry you must go through this.

I think one of the hardest realities is when we don't rate number one with anyone. Our children don't put us first, some spouses don't put us first and our own parents don't put us first.

Thank God that He is our biggest fan and will never leave us or forsake us.

We should be first after God to our spouse. Family should be a high priority to our children. Parents after spouse of course. The Bible is clear. This world has come far from God's way. Yes it is sad to us and to God.

The best part is that we are each His favorite. He proved it.