CHRISTIAN PARENTS of ESTRANGED ADULT CHILDREN Community Group
Estrangement makes it difficult to talk about with family, friends, neighbors and church members. Christians are NOT immune to broken families. Talk about your experiences with those who know how you feel and get positive support through your Christian faith...."In these last days difficult times will come, for men will be lovers of self...disobedient to parents,...
Getting even isn't about us retaliating against our EC. It isn't about going tit for tat with them because they've done hurtful things to us. It is about keeping score by tabulating what they did and measuring what we will do so that they can't '"one up" us. It isn't even about making a list of all the wrongs they've done so we can use that as a metric for how we will behave towards them.
Getting even means making things even when it comes to responsibility for the relationship or the lack thereof with our EC. If we are taking on ALL of the responsibility for the estranged relationship and for trying to fix it - it isn't even. If we are taking on MORE then we should in trying to re-establish a relationship with our EC, than we haven't "gotten even".
It is balanced and evened out when we have done OUR part in dealing with the estrangement in a healthy and loving way. We "get even" when we take on our TRUE responsibilities for our relationship issues with our EC. And the scales are truly even when our EC takes responsibilty for THEIR part in the estrangement.
Tonight, I will rest peacefully knowing that I have taken care of MY responsibilities in dealing with the estrangement and I will do the most beneficial thing for my EC by letting my EC take on his or her responsibility for the estrangement. I will make my requests known to God in prayer and trust him to balance the scales.
Getting even means making things even when it comes to responsibility for the relationship or the lack thereof with our EC. If we are taking on ALL of the responsibility for the estranged relationship and for trying to fix it - it isn't even. If we are taking on MORE then we should in trying to re-establish a relationship with our EC, than we haven't "gotten even".
It is balanced and evened out when we have done OUR part in dealing with the estrangement in a healthy and loving way. We "get even" when we take on our TRUE responsibilities for our relationship issues with our EC. And the scales are truly even when our EC takes responsibilty for THEIR part in the estrangement.
Tonight, I will rest peacefully knowing that I have taken care of MY responsibilities in dealing with the estrangement and I will do the most beneficial thing for my EC by letting my EC take on his or her responsibility for the estrangement. I will make my requests known to God in prayer and trust him to balance the scales.
Psalms 120:7. ..."I am for peace, though, when I speak, they are for war."
That's how Jesus lived! He sought to make a difference in the lives of others. His goal wasn't getting even, getting what was rightfully his, or even winning the arguments. His focus was to interact with people redemptively and to leave them more blessed than where he found them.
Romans 12:17-18..."Do not repay anyone evil for evil. Be careful to do what is right in the eyes of everybody. If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone."
~ Peace is sometimes not a possible reality because it takes two.
~ You can not control the other half of the equation
~ But, you can do the part that depends on you.
~ Your part is always possible
I love that.. my part is always possible. Thanks for handing me a powerful truth in the midst of a time in my life that is full of temptation to get even.
I've been struggling to understand what more can/could I be doing to bring peace in my family. So far, DH & I are the ONLY ones striving to bring our family back together.
We've sought/paid for counseling with ED, tried the inviting them to our home route, spoken of healing our family through the mutual love we share for our grandchildren/their children, and still no progress.
I'm beginning to accept the fact that our EO also have a responsibility in healing our family of which they haven't demonstrated any desire to do so. Of course, we do understand it's ALL ABOUT THEM! LOL!
I've even been struggling with how to pray for them/us....thankfully I know the Holy Spirit in intervening when I don't know/have the right words to say.
I guess I'm beginning to accept I've done everything in my power and now it truly is up to God to heal and bring peace.
I know my biggest weakness in this situation is my lack of patience. As each day ticks by my grandchildren are growing older without feeling my love for them. And I"m not okay with that. Therein lies my struggle.
(((hugs)))) we're in the same boat...floating away from our grandchildren, instead of towards them.