This sounds like a typical case of a manipulative, controlling relationship. I am sure that you have been through it over and over in your mind, probably cried, ranted, raved, prayed, etc........

The very best suggestion that I can give to you and your sister is probably going to be very difficult for you at first, but in time, it will become easier.........

Focus on yourselves---meaning no matter what, be good to yourself every single day and DO NOT, I repeat DO NOT beat yourself up anymore.

Get busy with your life---I know that this might sound selfish, but it is definitely the best medicine in a situation such as you are going through.

Pray every day, all day, all the time---Pour your heart and your thoughts out to GOD. He created you, your sister, your son, your DIL and your GD---HE has a great plan for YOUR life because HE is the one that designed it and knows it from beginning to end, and I am sure that HE is already working all of this out for YOU as I type. HE is the only constant, 100%, never changing, never forgetting---HE IS THE GREAT I AM.

All you have to do is PRAY, ASK, RECEIVE, BELIEVE! This might sound difficult because you are hurting so much right now, but GOD does not cause EVIL, and you can BELIEVE that. FIGHT THE GOOD FIGHT and stay strong.

ALWAYS REMEMBER THAT YOU ARE WONDERFULLY MADE! ALL YOU HAVE TO DO IS BELIEVE IT!

Life your precious son, his wife and grand-daughter up and GIVE IT TO GOD. What better person to place their care in and what better person to ask for suggestions.

Resource: Myself because I am a BELIEVER!

No matter how you are feeling, know that GOD is present. Just tell HIM as many times as you NEED to, whatever you need to, even if you repeat yourself 100 times, GOD delights in the fact that you NEED HIM.

Pray, Ask, Recieve, Believe!

May God bless you and your family to pieces because I KNOW THAT HE WILL. I just ASKED HIM too.

xoxoxoxoxo
mamabear21

unbelievable - my husband and I are living the same. Our DIL told my son when they got married that he had to choose between his family or her. Obviously he chose her. He sent me an email saying he never wanted to hear from me via email, phone, birthday card, etc. Nothing. He wrote "I want no contact with you until I decide I want it." (All about him - the "I", not caring what anyone else wants) We are sure our DIL wrote the email because it wasn't the style of words our loving son would have used.

I feel your pain. I prayed all the time, cried all the time; I was a mess. I send gifts occasionally to them but no response. I sent our ES an email 6 mos. ago telling him we were retiring and moving to the lake and would love to put all of this behind us and reconnect; again, nothing.

Coming here to this site saved me. Read the topic "Detachment" (I think there are 2). That helped me realize I could detach from the loss of my son without closing the door.

I pray daily that God will just squeeze my ES and DIL so hard that he will squeeze the hate out of them and replace it with love and forgiveness.

I only wish I knew why these young women feel so compelled to pull their husbands away from their families. They must be very insecure.

Hi Unbelieveable,

I think the fact that he speaks to you (even though the relationship is a bit hollow at the moment) shows he does not truly want it to be that way, or feels confused, torn, and may someday come to his senses, although I would not hold my breath.

And even so, it may be harming you, dragging you down because if you are like most of us, nothing is ever done correctly in the view of the EC in their self-centered universe, and if anything changes it will be when they realize how childish they have been.

Anyone who would give that ultimatum to their spouse has some issues, (unless there are some very valid reasons and we all know what those are). I don't think any marriage where something like that is demanded will ever survive. (Maybe I am being melodramatic, but if it were me I would make sure that I documented the conversation (or your sister did) in case there are ever any custody issues for your son). No family court judge would look upon that kind of thing as reasonable.

For parents, I think the advice above about detachment is very helpful, that is kind of where I am at for self-preservations sake. I have finally come to the end of my rope. I know that I was a good mother and even though I have my failings as a human being, I did nothing to deserve the behavior that I receive. Personally I believe therapy has something to do with where the DIL's attitude is coming from, and EK's attitudes in general. Recently someone posted an article by Dennis Prager on the other site, regarding this issue and I know it rang true to me.

My thoughts are with you. Hope you find peace.

Thank you everyone. It just seems the hurt never stops and it keeps on going. I feel for our son but he is making his choices. We have never believed that anyone should live like this especially an innocent child. Again thank you.

I can feel your pain and I know the horror of the situation you face. However, your son has told you the circumstances surrounding his wife and child. Your DIL has some personality disorder to threaten your son with her own estrangement...taking not only herself away from him but his little girl.

This is really scary and I can assure you he is suffering and trying to find a way to placate his wife. So can you imagine what other demands his wife may have?

I can only say that he knows you are there; and I would not be surprised when he is finally done with his wife's treats and mistreatment, that he doesn't reach out to you both.

But you have absolutely NO Control. And you must turn it over to the Lord or you will find yourself on the cuspid of dispair.

My ED and her husband had an incredible rift with his family...the whole family and they did it publically via facebook. It was both incredibly embarrassing and humiliating. And these two were both 32 at the time and knew better. In any case my ED decided she would never see her MIL again or have her to her house!

Her husband worked for the family business and therefore, he was with his parents daily. He was very much influenced by his wife, my ED. And ultimately after the birth of their first child, who is now 2 years old, he quit his job and moved...the baby was 2 months old and my ED had had a c section. I had gone down for the delivery and stayed a total of 10 days helping with everything.

My ED's MIL came over and stayed 2 days after I left to take care of my ED and GS. Then she did not come by the house or see the baby for 3 weeks because of all the angst going around.

So my ED couldn't have been uglier or meaner...I told her she was wrong and was not acting like a Christian toward his parents.... They demanded that my SIL's brother and sister not come to the hospital when the baby was born. In fact they did not see the little baby boy until my SIL took him to his parents house for a visit. My ED would not allow them to the house.

After they moved to TN...my SIL's parents came up from FL to visit with their GS. My ED refused to have them to the house and refused to see them. Then they came up again to TN to see their GS and the same thing happened again. I lived in TN and I found out where they were staying and I took a bottle of wine from the Smoky Mtn vinyard and a vase of beautiful flowers and included a card telling them how wonderful they were to their little GS...and how lucky he was to have them in his life. I spoke of how important family was and that he needed them to be part of his life.

Well what would happen is, my SIL would take the baby to their hotel for them to see him. Their visits lasted about 2-3 days. In both cases in TN, they were not allowed to the house and my ED refused to see them or talk with them.

Then my ED and her husband suddenly decided to leave TN after less than a year and move to Idaho. They were in Idaho for about 6 weeks when they then moved to Montana!

Funny thing is I said I would never do what his parents did...stay in a hotel and see the GS...well that is exactly what I did in mid July when I learned that they were moving. I had not seen my GS since that March when I dislocated my shoulder and my daughter had called my sister in GA to come instead of taking care of me! I was abandoned by my daughter when I needed her..the really only time I can think of in my entire life. I was always there for her ...always after 3 surgeries and having a baby! I was there taking care of her. She could not help me after everything that I had done for her and for my SIL and GS. She abandoned me. That was incredibly harsh for me to accept, but I did. I had always thought that she would be there if I ever really needed her. But she wasn't and she isn't and I accept it. IT is what it is.

Anyway long story short, I spent the day with her and my GS and it was great for me...my ED was disengaged pretty much...short answers, no conversation..but we did have breakfast, and lunch and dinner together and took my GS to Wonderworks. For me it was a great day...but at the end after she took my GS home and was driving me back to my hotel, she wanted to get into it AGAIN. She wanted to go back to the ugly things her husband had said to me...that led to me leaving. I told her that I would not go back over all of the ugly stuff. She wanted to rant and scream. It was horrid and I asked her to just let me out at the hotel. I told her that I loved her, her husband and my GS, but that I would not tolerate any verbal abuse...name calling, vulgar language and accusations against my character. I just would not, period.

And I have not seen her since July 2012. They moved to Idaho and 6 weeks later moved to Montana.

She had a surprise when she became pregnant in August 2012! She had a baby girl on May 4, 2013.

However, his parents flew to Montana in October 2012 to see their GS ...and again, my ED refused to have them to the house, and hour out from where her in-laws were staying. My SIL took the little GS to the town and stayed the weekend at the hotel with his parents so they could visit with him. My ED refused to see them or have them to the house.

I was in contact with her when she reached out to me...but she blew me off in Feb 2013 when I talked about building bridges between them and his family...She told me forgiveness and kindness could go to hell..and told me she did not want my touch feelly stuff and that she didn't want to have me around her or the children and not to contact her...etc. So I just continued to send packages for my GS and little GD who was to be born in May 2013. I made beautiful blankets, bought beautiful baby clothes...had little hats monogramed and little outfits....and she did not acknowledge any of the packages. I knew they were delivered because I could track them.

Right before my GD was born, I sent a 30 LB package that had things for the new baby and I included gifts for her ...for her birthday and for the hospital....a silver locket engraved with her initials that she could put two little pictures in, a gown and robe for the hospital, a wonderful and cozy blanket for the hospital, some lingerie, some a cofy outfit for after the baby was born, and body cream....things I knew she could use. She said nothing to me about them or any of the things I had sent.

Then she went into labor 5 days earlier than her scheduled c-section. It turns out that my SIL asked his mother to come and help them with the little GS when my ED had the baby girl. They asked her to come! I know this because I just spoke with her two days ago.

So she got into the city where my ED was having the baby on the Monday after she had the baby on Saturday night. And she went to the hospital after arriving and saw my ED after 2 years and met the new GD...and then my SIL took her and my GS back to the house ...and hour out of town. She, the MIL stayed at my ED's house! and took care of the little GS and animals...she was there for 1.5 days until my ED came home!

And his MIL told me my ED couldn't have been any kinder or nicer. That she did not want anyone doing anything for her. That she was a very strong willed woman and strong in strength too...and did way to much. But that she, the MIL had a wonderful visit.

I told her that I was estranged from my ED. And my ED's MIL told me that she had gotten the blankets I made for the new GD and showed them to her...and said they were made out of love by me for the new baby. The MIL told me she was very happy and proud of all the baby things I made for the new baby.

So his MIL stayed for 7 days and spent time with them and enjoyed the beautiful new baby and the little GS. She had gone alone because she did not know what to expect.

I told her that I was appalled that my daughter had been so rude in the past and that I had encouraged her to show repect and consideration toward both her, the MIL and his family. That they had loved my SIL very much before she came on the scene and they still did.

Basically WE don't kow what happened!

But we both agree that they love each other and they seemed to become intolerant when they got together against both their families. They just found fault and fault with all of us.

However, she and I would rather see them married and happy with two beautiful children even if they kicked their mothers to the curb ....as painful as that can be.

But we have hope...and after her visit up in Montana...my ED sent me a lovely thank you note with a warm and loving message about appreciation ...she sent me a Happy Mother's Day greeting,..she sent me a Happy Birthday greeting...and she sent me a video of the new baby and some other pictures. And she told me that she would send me the website to see and order pictures that were being made of both children.

So there is hope and there are prayers and I am happy for now.