Norske....I am so sorry that this happened to you. I can see the sadness coming through your post. Today you are not your usual self and so you need a big (((((((((HUG))))))))).

I'm sure your friend meant well and had not intentions of making you sad or jealous. She was a proud grandparent and wanted to share her joy with you - without thinking of how it would impact you. I also have been guilty of saying or doing something without realizing that the person I am talking is either going through or has been through the very thing that had come out of my mouth. Hours later I find myself beating myself over the head saying and saying.."How could you say that! What were you THINKING when you did that???

Just keep in mind that your son, my son and all of us have free will to choose our mates. If we do not choose Christian mates we have to suffer the consequences of our own choices. I did not when I got married and I too suffered greatly because of it. But, by the Grace of God, my DH did turn to Christ and our marriage did get much better because of it. (But he still will not do lawn trimming edges like he is supposed to! LOL)

It took 15 years for our lives to begin to change for the better; give them time for God to work through their lives too. Keep praying and be a good example while you pray for comfort to get you through these days ahead.

Hi Norske1 I had a similar experience this week. I am involved in a ministry, and the director, a wonderful kind man, was so excited to bring out his pictures of his first grandchild. He told stories about him and how much people say he looks like him. People who do this have absolutely no clue how it is tearing you apart inside. You sit there and smile your fake smile and laugh your fake laugh while everyone oohs and aahs about the cute baby.

Frankly, I've had so much "baby pain" in my life that at this point when I see a baby, a lot of the time I just think, "Oh, another baby, look round and chubby, how amazing. Who cares. Even alligators love their babies and don't eat them. It's just a response of nature so that the species will go on." I am tired of grandbabies, I am tired of hearing about other people's children. But that is not their fault. They are leading normal lives. My life is the one that is impaired. My son is the one who has divorced me. My grandbaby is fine and has no idea who I am. And I am left alone on the cross, with the world saying, "If you were a child of God, you would come down from that cross! You would have your son and your grandchild with you like I do." They may not say that, but after a while of "feeling your pain," they want you to get over it, so they can show their babies pictures without feeling guilty. That is something I have to deal with. That is not their fault, it's just the way people are.

Ours is a lonely cross. We bear the sins that our children refuse to forgive us of. We were too concerned, we said too much, we didn't say enough, we judged them, we judged their girlfriends

I think I submitted that before I finished it. .......girlfriends. If we hadn't been the parent we were, their lives would have been different, and they wouldn't have done the things that we told them not to do, but we didn't tell them the correct way. I don't know what my son wants except to leave him alone to do what he wants to do and keep my nose out of his life. If I died, I think he would be relieved. That is a pretty hard pill to take. It is so hard not to feel angry and want to tell someone off.

I keep reading this stuff that says I have to take the blame before my son and say that he is the injured party. How is that so? I didn't tell him to go off and impregnate his girlfriend. I'm not the person who constantly rebelled against his parents and took the side of people that wouldn't even talk to me about my own grandson's birth. I'm not the one who is currently living with another girlfriend without being married. I don't have to defend the ways of the Lord. They didn't originate with me. They originated with God.

I give him cupcakes and he doesn't even thank me. I try accept his current girlfriend as if she is his wife and I can feel that he is alienating her against me. All this does is build anger that I constantly have to bring to the Lord.

Excuse me for venting quite a bit. Thank you all for being here and understanding. I did another cupcake run last night to be upbeat about my son and his girlfriend's first anniversary of being together. All I wanted was, "Thanks Mom." But it seems they are getting more distant from me, rather than closer. And what am I doing that is hurting them? Some day they will need someone to be there for them, and I will be gone. Some day their own children will disown them, and they will know what they put me through. Oh well, it will make them grow up.

I do hold out hope for those of you with grandchildren. I think that there is a chance that when the grandchildren are of age, they may seek you out to have their own relationship with you. When they see that you are loving and kind, it will be on their parents (your ECs) to explain why they denied them a relationship with you (even if you've passed on).

To be honest, I can't hold out that hope for my own ED. Her "partner" got sterilized, so he won't be having any more children (he has a son from one of his marriages). Meanwhile, my ED's "biological clock" is ticking away while she's wasting what could be the best years of her life with this man old enough to be her father.

I don't know if my ED will ever realize what it's like to be a parent and just how hard parenting can be. She won't know the rejection of a child (although, I would not wish that on her).

I think there is hope for you ladies--I really do. It won't come soon enough, but it's better than having no hope at all.

Norske I know that was very difficult. I do believe that close friends should be a little more sensitive and you handled it in a very good way.

Tikva God willing, because of your ES's age which is very young for a boy that there could be maturity as he gets older. Even though they may be doing good in their careers does not mean that they are emotionally mature (speaking as a mother of 3 sons 20s and up). I, also, think your ES may be affected by a Godly mother. He know what you stand for and that you are a Christian. That speaks volumes to those who are not following God's way. We don't have to say a word. They know.

What affects me without those around me realizing it is when I see a mother and 20 something daughter having a good relationship. I work in school with a lot of 20 something teachers and they speak highly of their parents. Also, for example, I am attending a wedding of my friend's 26 year old daughter, tomorrow. My DH will see the bride being escorted by her Dad down the aisle. We may never know that. We are all affected in a different way. It is sad.

We do not understand God's plan but we trust Him.