Gordos, so glad you were able to come off of pain meds. Please never think that Jesus is disappointed with you. He loves you too much. That is a lie that the enemy tells us. Genetics play a part. I know they did with our ED being that she is adopted and there were many unknowns. Again, genetics are not your fault. Please be kind to yourself. Our EC have caused us so much stress and stress causes illnesses.

Rest in The Lord. We all need His divine help.

Gordos I whole heartedly agree with Lindajoan. Genetics are just one factor in the kind of person we become and the kind of person we continue to be. Start small to get back on track. Our Lord will help you. Blessings.

Gordos4, I also see a genetic predisposition very strongly in my paternal side for many things. My paternal grandfather and grandmother both had a lot of dysfunction in their family history and in their own lives. This did much damage to my own father who became an alcoholic. I was raised by my maternal grandmother till I was 10, then given back to my parents and abused. I think due to my formative years being loved and cared for a great deal, the abuse from 10-19 did not turn me in the wrong direction, but rather made my resolve to survive and be a better parent the thing that got me through those years. But in spite of my best efforts, our middle child was born troubled...by age 3 setting fires in the middle of the night, then stealing, to breaking and entering at age 11 and by 15 arrested and in jail, at 17 ran away from home and pretty much treats us all like strangers ever since. Our oldest and youngest nothing like the middle, same parents, and therefore no explanation to me of why my middle child so troubled except genetics. I believe he is throw back to my paternal grandmother's family, as they were very troubled like this too.

My father has demonstrated very dysfunctional tendencies all his life in front of the oldest and our youngest child. Besides the alcoholism, he is NPD, controlling, and shuns anyone who does not worship him or anyone he can't control. This is my oldest child to a T except that he claims to be a Christian and does not drink. The youngest idolizes the oldest and enables the NPD. The youngest also shuns and this is reinforced by our DIL and her Pastor Father as he teaches shunning from his pulpit.

After 59 years of being in my family, there is no way anyone could convince me that there is not a genetic predisposition for at least some of us here on this Discussion page.

As I have studied this problem over the years in both secular books, Christian books, and most of all the bible, I have come to the conclusion that it is a combination of brokenness in people from being abused mentally and or physically that comes down in family generations. Meaning that those of us who did not abuse, but come from abused parents, grandparents, or further back, can still be passing on the dysfunction genetically or emotionally through our own brokenness, to our children. Which then gives the evilness/satan a door in to the spirit of the broken person, our children and combined with the moral decline in our world, with the most horrific evil I believe the world has ever seen, we here all now have the end times children the Lord warned us about in 2 Tim 3:2.

This is my own summation of how I lostall3....

I know our ED has inherited genes from the biological parents. They are very strong and brought on very difficult traits as lostall3 shared. We saw some progress throughout the years through the environment in our home but the genes were stronger. Only God can change our EC. He is able.

Both of mine are active alcoholics and I am in recovery but their father isn't and still drinks and smokes pot at almost 50 years old. His father, their grandfather died in 2011 from lung cancer, and while he was in hospice on his deathbed they found his crack pipe on his nightstand at his apt. They have the genes from both parents and families and I never think that is my fault. It is not anyone's fault, they CHOSE to drink and put themselves at risk, knowing all about their history. They are adults and make their own choices and then when they aren't the right ones, they turn around and try to blame US for their mistakes and I refuse to let them place their guilt and shame on ME. I brought them into this world and did my best raising them and now they "repay" me with this disrespect. They will have many regrets the older they get.

I agree with you, texassunshine on all counts.

I dont know where i get my problems,my dad was a christian we went to church sunday morning/night,wednesday night,my mom didnt go once in awhile,they never drank,they both smoked and both died of lungcancer,they had 4 daughters,we lived on farm in country to my knowledge were not depressed we had a happy childhood,but us 4 daughters have problems with our children.We would never have treated our parents thisway and we were always afraid of our parents until the day they died we had respect for them this is why its hard for me to understand what in the world has happened to them.

edr1961, there are truly many paths here in this journey we are all traveling on. Sadly, there are some paths here that make no sence as to the "why or the how" and I know that makes it more difficult to accept when there are no apparent "reasons" why our children treat us so evilly. I agree that it seems hard to understand what has happened to your own EC in light of your own past!! I am so sorry to hear this as you must be so confused! I know I sure would be. In the end, we are all on the same path here as we all have EC, some of us believe we see the reasons, and some of us may never know why this side of Heaven! HUGS!!! Just know our arms are around you always!

thank you lostall3 hugs back at you its so nice to have everyone here

lostall3, thank you, that was a great reply. I am convinced that genetics play a part. I was abused physically, verbally, & sexually when I was growing up. My mother's father raped her when she was a young girl. Her mother left her when she was 8, & my mother left us kids when I was 8, never saw her again. My dad was an mean, verbally abusive alcoholic. I was determined that I would be a better mom to my kids, & I KNOW in my heart that I was. Being of Irish, German & Cherokee Indian descent, I know the alcoholism runs deep & strong in my family. I always warned my kids about their genetic link to booze. Now, my youngest is an alcoholic.
I don't know if you believe in generational sin, but I do. I think we all pay for the sins of our ancestors, as unfair as that seems. My great grandfather committed suicide to get away from his wife. I am still trying to figure out why my dad hated me so much & was so mean. I have my suspicions, but am waiting for God to tell me. I know it will be painful, but I need to know so I can forgive him. He died on Valentines Day of this year, & Im still trying to forgive him.

Gordos4, I too believe in generational sin. I see it clearly in my family, just as you have. Recently, I have tried to study this a bit deeper and read a few Christian author's views on it. I have become convinced that the missing link here is that we leave out in our "temporal" view of things, the spiritual world that exists unseen around us. I am speaking of demons. They are clearly shown to exist in the Bible and Christ spent His ministry casting them out of people. Why do we think that they no longer exist? True we've all been taught we can't be "possessed" by demons once we belong to Christ and I believe this is true myself. But two things to consider....1.we can never know if someone else is truly saved, so possibility that they are demon possessed is possible, 2. some opinions I read were that someone saved can be demonized....due to letting sin rule them. I think we all know Christians who do not have the fruits of the spirit in them and those who once walked with the Lord full of the Spirit, who now do evil things. So if there is evil coming out of a formerly Spirit filled Christian, who's in control of his spirit?

The books I read said that there is a corresponding demon for every spirit, such as the spirit of alcoholism. The demons in these men in ---->>Mat 8:28 And when he was come to the other side into the country of the Gergesenes, there met him two possessed with devils, coming out of the tombs, exceeding fierce, so that no man might pass by that way, did not want to be out of the men's bodies and begged to be put in the swine near by....the books said that demons are disembodied spirits that crave to be in someone's spirits, so they often go from one spirit in the family to another when someone dies...this would explain the generational tendancies for instance of alcohol in some families.

I believe that if this is the case that Estrangement is a demonic spirit, as is rejection, and NPD and all of the things that we here have seen continue down the generational lines of our families. Please don't misunderstand....I am not saying that this is everyone's situation here as I know there are some here who have no idea why this happened to them...have no history of it in their families previous....but for those of us who come from dysfunctional families, from what I have experienced personally and witnessed over my own 59 years, I have seen clear patterns to support this theory of demons being the root cause of what has gotten in to our EC. And it is believed to have come due to their "choice" to do evil instead of good.

Just food for thought ladies...what do you think?