CHRISTIAN PARENTS of ESTRANGED ADULT CHILDREN Community Group
Estrangement makes it difficult to talk about with family, friends, neighbors and church members. Christians are NOT immune to broken families. Talk about your experiences with those who know how you feel and get positive support through your Christian faith...."In these last days difficult times will come, for men will be lovers of self...disobedient to parents,...
So hubby is home from hospital, ED doesn't talk to him, drops kids off for what I said would be a visit for a couple of hours, she left them for 6. Hubby is not well. I address her on her stressing her dad out and she said she can't forgive him for what he said when he was angry at her and her new boyfriend doesn't like him because of it. The new boyfriend she had move in a week after she met him. I told her I forgave her for calling me a cu.. last year and she said oh is that how it is.... I can't remind her...and there are a lot of other things she said to us. So...I told her not to text me anymore if she is going to be like that. I have reached that fork in the road where I am done, the door will not open again. We think hubby had a silent heart attack when she pulled this stuff before. Well I am not willing to lose him for her crap any longer. I don't think it is an unchristian thing I am doing. I think it is helping us to stay strong without compromising our health. I will not let her do this to him any longer. She is a horrible individual.
But you are right; you need to concentrate on you and your husband. Detach from your ED for awhile. Believe me, it will feel good. I feel liberated since I decided to "detach". It doesn't mean forever; it means for right now.
Stay strong and stand with God.
the world (satan) takes over their hearts and minds....it is so horrible to watch....my son is a totally changed person from one year ago....and I never in a million years would have thought it would happen to us
She walked away from her birth mother when she was 14 and made sure my son walked away from us as well. They are always in my prayers but since I made a decision to detach, it is so much easier and I think I am more fun to be around.
I was able to spend the afternoon with 2 of my GDs today. We had lunch and when it was time to pay the bill the oldest took the check and money from her pocket to pay the bill. I told her I appreciated her and her sister, but please let me pay. They insisted no it was something they wanted to do for me. I left the tip. Then later we were at my home talking and the oldest said "Gramma some kids at school could not understand why I would want to spend the day with my Gramma cause their Grandparents just sit and watch the birds." Sydney responded "not my Gramma she is fun and we love being with her." These granddaughters are 13 and 17 and they continue to love being with Gramma. We had a wonderful afternoon. I will say if it wasn't for their Dad insisting they be allowed to see me it would not happen. My son-in-law is so supportive of me and totally disagrees and disapproves of my daughters behavior towards me. He has told them family is very important.
So while I am detaching myself from my daughters this does not apply to my grandchildren. I will call my other two GDs that live here and hope we can get together. My youngest GC lives in VA and is only 8 so all of my attempts to talk with her have not materialized. My grandson is now living with my youngest daughter and family in VA and even though he is 20 there is very little communication from him. I pray for all of them everyday. God is working on this ugly situation in His way and time.
Like the rest of you I never thought in a million years this would be happening and I know if their Dad was alive he would be very upset with them.
I saw the post on detachment but didn't read it as it was very long and I was dealing with migraines. I am trying to wrap my brain around the entire concept of "detaching" from my son. I don't know if I have it in me to do this. But as I haven't read it, I wont decide yet. I will pray about it and see what it says.
It isn't important that we all always agree on things here. It is important that we treat each other with love and kindness at all times. That should always be our intent, no matter what.
Later on, when I was about 18 years old, my mom and I were having an argument (on a scale of 1-10 it was about a 3 in intensity). She then said she was having heart pains and that if she died it would have been my fault. (She never went to the hospital.)
Then at around 30 years old, my mom and I were sitting in church one day and she told me, just before the sermon started, that my Sis-in-law had told her something I had said (distorted of course). I kept telling her that I never said it. She then got very upset, said "I'm not lying" and then started crying right there in church. Then she got up and sniffled her way down the isle and was on her way home. I got up to go outside with her as everyone was watching this embarrassing scene take place. Next day, my mom goes to the hospital with a mild heart attack and then to a nursing home to recover. Guess who caused it? Not only that but she proceeded to tell the pastor that I had caused it. I was so humiliated and almost stopped going to that church.
But you know what? My mom was obese. She weighed over 300 pounds most of her life and she had many health issues. But, nothing was ever her fault. Even being obese was my dad's fault because he liked to go for ice cream.
I refuse to be held to others superstitions today. False guilt imposed upon any human being can be devastating - especially if it is coming from a parent.
gma, silent heart attacks don't come with time dated stamps on them or with a label that says who and why it was caused. To attach that silent heart attack to your daughter's behavior without absolute certainty is only going to further cement the estrangement for sure. Without a doubt, traumas do cause health problems and I am not denying the possibility that it was caused by the stress of estrangement. However, my point is that without proof don't you think it would have been better to have not jumped to a possible false conclusion?
Even if stress causes heart attacks, the individual themselves have an obligation to learn how to deal with stress so that it does not cause health problems. Anxiety is caused by people not learning to let go and let God. It is aided by trying to resolve these life-issues that are beyond our control all by ourselves. Stress is not seeking the wisdom from God to know what we can change in others and what we cannot change. Frustration and the lack of trusting in God is really the root of our own health problems as well as our own choices in eating habits - as was with my mother.
CM
Luke 6:45 says "Thoughts contrary to the Word make mischief in your heart.Out of the abundance of the heart the mouth speaks".
Proverbs 4:23 Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it.
The heart in the Bible means "mind."
Again, sorry if you were offended, it was intended as a word of caution.
CM