You are important to us, to God, and to everyone who knows you - even your ED, except she doesn't realize it right now. As our minister told us,

God never makes junk; each person is created in his special design. Many of us on this site were so consumed for so many years raising these wonderful children God gave us that our world became just that - being a mom. But our children were on loan from God and as adults they have free will. Now that they are adults -- and estranged -- it is time for us to be who God wants us to be.

I am searching for my purpose. If you get a chance, read Rick Warren's latest book "What On Earth Am I Here For?" It is great.

Thank you for your response, I am waiting my time til I get called Home, I hate it here. it isn't my call, I wish I had the guts and belief that it was.

Norske you said it great. We are important and it doesn't matter what our EC say or try to convince us other wise is not true. Gma some EC have anger problems and can be very cruel. Be prepared and receive her with your guard up. Expect the worst and hope for the best when she comes around. Take what she says with a grain of salt. Do not give her control to use you, it's going to take time to reform your trust if it ever comes back. Please don't be down on yourself ? We want to believe there is a chance and we want to accept our ED's back into our lives. It is not your fault that you gave her a chance. If she blew it then shame on her but you are a beautiful deserving Mom and nothing less.

gma6 - I just read your profile. WOW - a fitness instructor. You are a beautiful person and I'm guessing one who has a big heart. Are your other children estranged or just your daughter?

I have a daughter that is 26 months older than the one who has caused such heartache, and she chooses if and when she has any contact with us. Wish I could turn off my heart, it would make all this so much easier. Give God all the glory for being able to teach as many classes as I do. I have a 28 yr old daughter with down syndrome and she lives with us, also a 35 yr old son and things are good except he now believes all roads lead to God ... sigh

GMA6 - I am sure while your 28 year old daughter has some challenges, she is a joy. My husband's cousin has a daughter with downs and she is so sweet. I hope your 35 yr old son also is a blessing. Is he married? Any grandchildren?

I have another son who is so loving and always helpful. When my 2 boys were growing up, the loving son and my husband did sports/scouts so my ES and me were closer because I took him to his acting, modeling, soccer. Maybe that is why I miss him so much.

Each of our children are special in their own ways, we need to remember that.

gma6,
Our ECs continually set us up and we are vulnerable and fall for it because we truly want to trust them and do the godly thing as a loving Christian parent. No matter what ED did, you were attempting to tolerate and reconcile with her and God took account of it. Please don't become a whipping post to yourself and feel like you are worthless and no one cares. That is only Satan whispering these cruel things and making you feel lower than a snake's belly in grass. All of us here love you, care for you, are praying for you, and support you. You've come to the right place and you will make it despite your depression. It's terrible what ED put you through and all of us here have fallen for the same tricks when our ECs didn't genuinely mean it and were deceiving us all along.

Yesterday, I came across a Mother's Day card my ED sent me last year, but the next month she without warning dropped out of sight and I quit hearing from her period until she sent me a Christmas gift and card which was shipped directly from the store. Every holiday occasion with cards or gifts always feels cold and detached because they are only tangible tokens, not what I truly need or want. If ED really loved and cared for me, she'd be in contact with me via phone or email. I'm too old for her to control my emotions she's turned into an upsetting roller coaster ride. Despite her abrupt disappearance last June, I still remembered her 31st birthday later that month with a belated card with money enclosed. Two months later, granddaughter #2 had her 3rd birthday and I sent gifts in the mail. Neither times was I acknowledged and properly thanked! Then last fall, I learned second hand she was expecting baby girl #3 and didn't bother telling me. Then she remembers me with a gift and card at Christmas. What?? Two months later she delivers granddaughter #3 and never bothered phoning or anything. What kind of bizarre treatment is that? She's nothing but a phony that's what. I never attempted to make any contact with her since the baby came and I honestly don't feel guilty about it. I didn't cause the problem, she did! I'm not obligated to do anything for her or her new baby period. I don't trust ED nor will I allow her to keep upsetting me with these ups and downs she's controlling. I've had it. I decided this year to make changes for the better on MY BEHALF! I'm now focused on God and taking care of me after six years of this ongoing abuse. I first blocked her on Facebook as well as my estranged brother and his wife who are altogether in this conspiracy against me. I also have decided no more attempted emails or phone calls and the card and gift giving has officially stopped for her, SIL and my granddaughters. I'm no fool! I'm not wasting my money, time and energy anymore. I need time now for me and I'm taking it. I won't allow her to rule my life on her conditions, so the best thing I did was totally release her back to God to deal with as I cannot change her. She's in His care and until she is ready to repent, change her attitude and heart, want to have a relationship with me, and try to give me love, care, support, and peace as I live out my remaining years of life, I want nothing more to do with her. She is doing nothing but torturing me and I'm taking my life back. It's hands off on everything regarding her. Many of us here truly wonder if we'll ever even see our ECs again before we depart to Heaven. It goes through our minds constantly. Since I made the decisions I have this year, I've become a better healthier person and God is giving me a divine peace like none other for me to cope and move on without her in my life anymore. No, I've not given up, thrown her away and stopped loving and praying for her. How I pray for a miracle to happen, but time has run out on my watch at present and until she gets her act together and comes back to me as the prodigal daughter desiring to love and honor me, my life goes on with or without her.

Lord I lift up my sister in Christ to you right now. gma6 is going through a rough time with her daughter in a manner that is unworthy for a loving parent. She is hurting right now from the turmoil this daughter has caused.
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Lord I pray that you will comfort her and bring peace and calm to her spirit by helping her to adjust to not being together at this time. I pray that you will help them restore their relationship in the future so that their relationship is better and grounded in serving you. In Jesus Mighty name - Amen

gma6...It's good that you are here and sharing with us.
Like many other estranged parents, I have learned to start taking better care of myself, and focus less on the adult child that shows me no respect and love.

I also have two other adult children who deserve an emotionally healthy mother because they still connect with me and have not treated me poorly like their older brother has. They unfortunately have been harboring some negative emotions towards their estranged brother. Seems like I've been trying to protect them as well from the negative impact that this estrangement has caused.

My husband is dealing with this so differently and doesn't show as much stress over this unnatural break in our family. He had a cry..once, and then just promptly got over it! We are wired so differently as women..we tend to hang onto emotions far too long I think. We, as a couple have managed to be stronger together..a united front. Sometimes estrangement from a loved adult child can cause even the strongest couple to break. It's been a miracle from God that we haven't succumbed to blaming one another. My ES has tried to connect with my husband (his Dad)..and did for a short time (behind my back). I decided to let this happen, it was better that there was some moving forward on my ES' part..to reconnect to us. My dear husband then let our ES know that it would be best to include me ..as his mother, and that the next time they met for coffee, I would be told. That's when the final cut off happened.

Then, I'm thinking... it's just me that our ES has problems with?? .Then again, I don't need to believe that lie, because why did ES disconnect with his siblings as well?? God is helping me NOT to blame myself anymore. Just spent too long doing that, and it wasn't healthy for me. I don't blame anyone or anything anymore...it is what it is. Getting into the "blame game" just doesn't work for me.

Satan should be the one to blame..he's out to destroy families, and doing a great job as far as I can see.

Jesus did tell us that in the last days, that there would be family breaks...read what Jesus says in Matthew chapter 10 verses 34 to 39. He said these things would happen.
We are living in the last days...
Praying for everyone here, that He gives us peace and comfort to cope..and stronger faith so that we can share with others just how much He is helping us.
Maddie

gma6, you have gotten some pretty good advice here but please allow me to put my two-cents worth in....

It t is sad when there is a loss of a relationship. I am truly sorry this did not work out for you and your daughter. It is clear that this is causing you much distress and disappointment. I know because this happened to us several years ago. We had a briefer encounter and had such great hopes as a result of it because everything had gone so well. (DIL was not there is the main reason it went so well.) But things change drastically for the worse as soon as our son returned to his state where they lived. It devastated us once more. This estrangement is like a roller-coaster ride at an amusement park - only we are not very amused by it!

As always, it is good to talk through the issues if at all possible. We tried that after we realized that something was just not right after he had returned home. That is when we learned that it was back to status quo. But we knew we had tried as hard as we could to get things moving forward in a positive way. Our conscience was clear.

The Bible says that...."So far as it is possible, we are to be at peace with one another." I would suggest going to your daughter to find out if there is something that you have done to hurt her in some way. (Matthew 18 principle) Let her know that you miss the kind of relationship that you once had. Ask her if there is some way to regain that. If she is unwilling then you need to give her the freedom to make that choice as hard as that is to do for a loving parent.

Relationships go both ways and both people need to work at building the relationship. A relationship is a place to give, if you get nothing in return, you at least were a good parent. Be aware of punishing her for what she can’t (or won't) give in return at the moment, this will only push her farther away.

((((((HUGS)))))) ........and try to have a peaceful Sunday!

gma6 Our ED (21) surfaced for a bried period of time about a year after leaving home. We soon learned that she only wanted money and did not want a genuine relationship with us or the family. Sadly, this happens often with EC.

It has been a wonderful help to come to this place and meet other wonderful moms who were not perfect but certainly are not deserving of this disrespect and dishonoring. Only God can change our EC. We can pray.

God Bless you.