A quick recap. In October, on her 18th birthday, my oldest child left. We came home from church and she was gone. She had told us a few days before she was going, via a letter she wrote us. Come to find out she had hooked up with someone at work-but she refused to tell us who, or even what gender he (we now know) was. She drained her bank account of $4000 she had earned that year for school and a car and went and bought the car she and I had looked at together that she "pretended" not to want. Turns out she secretly had it held by the seller until she left so it could be in her name. Her account was much less than it should have been so we suspect she had been pulling funds before this. It was astonishing how she could "be" one person -happy, chatty and responsible but doing all this on the side all the while.

The web of deception was so huge and the trauma was overwhelming when this all came down. But all kids make mistakes...and do stupid things.....that wasn't so much the issue. The issue has been her total apathy towards us. She isn't angry - she just doesn't care. She doesn't miss us.

When she was 16, this kind of nonsense started. Everyone said "It's a phase...she's just a teenager". The one person she would sometimes confide in was my husband. He misses her horribly . She was his buddy- they'd watch TV together, etc. But it seemed like she left and now she's just "done with all that" in her own mind. As my mom says, it's like "thanks for raising me - goodbye".

She was always homeschooled and I always strove to make "home" a fun and nice place,like my mom did for us. I look back at all the Easter egg hunts, filling Christmas stockings, little surprises I would plan for them, family game nights, teaching her to read, making school projects, ..everyone piling on the bed to make a "house". And I just don't understand.
If she had wanted to move out.....I get that. But why the total apathy?

It's been nine months and she doesn't even miss us. Yes, she will come home for holidays. She brings a present on birthdays but it's totally fake. She refuses to tell us where she lives or who she is living with.
We have tried kindness - my husband has written three times to her to tell her how much he loves her - and will we never be part of her life again? Will she marry this guy and we'll never know? If she has children, we can't be part of their lives? She doesn't answer for the most part.

I'm totally confused and perplexed. I think about this little girl that we spent our days playing with - this little girl who could tell you all about Jesus... and I don't get what happened.

I see photos of her former friends on facebook - doing missions trips and such together , posting family photos, and it cuts me to the core. The other day I took my other three children to the lake with the youth group and her former peers were there- they have all grown into such lovely young ladies - and youth group leaders and I ask "why?" I feel resentful and jealous and I"m ashamed of that. Why did their children turn out okay? One girl even has no Christian influence in her home at all and she's living for the Lord.

Some days I want to know what we did so bad to raise a child not who rebelled, but who just doesn't "care".

My husband wrote her a couple of weeks ago and told her that he misses her - that he is hurt because he remembers all the things they used to do together. He told her this just isn't right. That he wants a relationship with her.
Her response? "I'm happy, I'm healthy and if it were otherwise you would know".
What kind of thing is that to say?
She's working a minimum wage job part time. We can't figure out how she's paying her rent, even with working with this guy who also works at the same place as she. Maybe she's doing something illegal - maybe he is. We don't know.

I always thought when my girls grew up, we would be friends. I see other parents with their daughters and I just don't get it.
Nobody understands it. People we know have prodigals, but she's an emotional prodigal. She doesn't care who she's hurt. She could pretty much take or leave us.

A couple of weeks ago, she wrote and asked to take her siblings for ice cream. I met her at Dairy Queen and dropped them off and they all sat together and chatted. (they are all younger than she is). My mom and I picked them up again 20 minutes later. We made small talk with her and left.
What hurts is she doesn't want to see US. She doesn't care about my husband or me.
I tried to raise my children to esteem others - to cherish family. She wasn't spoiled or sheltered or isolated. I thought she was a fairly happy and responsible child.

I find my mind just totally detaching from her after nine months of this. I can't sit and dwell on the little girl I rocked and stayed up nights with - my shopping buddy - all the things we did as a family. There's no point in staying there.

My husband doesn't talk about her anymore. He has had to detach emotionally - it was affecting him too much.
But how do you deal with the loss of a child who is still there?
I strongly believe in spiritual warfare. I am very angry that my daughter is in the enemy's camp right now. I recently said "he may have stolen my child for now, but I'm going to spend the rest of my days plundering hell with my prayers -- if not for us than for everyone around me - for healing, healing, and whatever the enemy's stolen!" I will never stop praying for her and never stop rebuking the enemy and praying protection.
But it's still hard because the days go on and it seems like she goes further and further away...and you can't make someone care.