CHRISTIAN PARENTS of ESTRANGED ADULT CHILDREN Community Group

Estrangement makes it difficult to talk about with family, friends, neighbors and church members. Christians are NOT immune to broken families. Talk about your experiences with those who know how you feel and get positive support through your Christian faith...."In these last days difficult times will come, for men will be lovers of self...disobedient to parents,...

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Feeling blue

sadinmaine
sadinmaine
I think I am starting to come to terms with the fact that I will not see my ES again. At least that is how it looks to me. It's been at least 2 years maybe longer since we have spoke. I have sent cards, tried to call and sent many texts but all of my attempts go unanswered. The pain will always be there and I am not sure if that will ever go away.

I think I get very blue seeing friends and their children and their close relationships and it makes me long for the same. I know it's wrong to be jealous but I do long for that same thing.

I have some contact with my DD but it seems very distant. Lately it is feeling even more so. I am afraid to tell her I long for more from her because she has been known to "go off the deep end" so to speak. I am trying to be thankful for what little relationship I have with her and the fact that I can seem my grandchildren.

Thanks for listening
lindajoan
lindajoan
This is so difficult. We want things to be so different with our EC but only God can change them. Sometimes it takes them hitting rock bottom or going through something difficult, themselves, to make them change. God works in His way.

I am quite sure that I would not say too much to an adult child. The important thing is that you are able to see your gc. We can pray that your daughter will come to this realization on her own. Do you agree?
edr1961
edr1961
Its hard to accept the way things are,and the feeling is unbearable at times i guess we have to leave things uo to God.And your not alone just want you to know myprayers are with you.
gordos4
gordos4
I know what you mean about being jealous. When I see pictures on FB of families smiling together, I get a pang of envy in my gut. I think "she must have been a better mother than me". Then I remember that all is not as it seems at face value, a lot of the time. They have problems I know nothing about, no family is happy all the time. But the fact that they are WITH their kids is enough to make me a little jealous.
lindajoan
lindajoan
That is natural. I attended my friend's daughter's wedding yesterday. Happy for them. Sad for DH and I. In the other hand, I know how much this family has gone through in other ways. Everyone has a cross to bear or will. This is where I must trust God always.
sadinmaine
sadinmaine
Thank you all for your support. Lindajoan I do agree that seeing the grandchildren is important. That is why I hold my tongue on so many occasions. Times are really changing I can certainly see that.

I have been trying to leave it all at the feet of Jesus. When I think I have it seems to come back and haunt me again. So very hard to deal with total rejection from my ES. Doesn't help that I think I contributed in it with getting a divorce.

Thank you Edr1961 for your prayers which are so appreciated!

And Gordos4 that jealous pang is awful, I get that so very much. I remember when I thought I was infertile and couldn't have children. I was the same way seeing babies. Then by the grace of God I became pregnant with my ES. I was so delighted! Would of never expected what it has turned out to be today.

Hugs to all!
deleted_user
deleted_user
I don't know how not to feel the pain of having an estranged son and daughter in law. It goes against all my values, I never thought in a million years I would be estranged from one of my children. Although, we had challenges, and I have made mistakes, I have also tried to apologize for the mistakes I've made, and tried to own them. To no avail. For me, it is just a deep pain, that will sometimes go away for a time, but then something will happen, or the holiday season is here, and the pain just slams back in full force. I am trying so hard to trust God with this situation, and realize there is nothing I can do, but I have never been a person who just sat back and been passive, I always try to fix things. Being a mother means wanting contact, and wanting to help and protect your child, no matter how old they are, and I don't know that it is possible to turn that off or stop feeling that way. At least, I have not found a way. The pain of having an estranged child is a very unique hurt, that for me anyway, it just digs away at me all the time, I haven't figured out how to cope with the pain. If you care about the child who has rejected you, how do you ever leave behind the pain? I am so sorry for your loss and your pain.
valerieia
valerieia
It is normal to feel like that it is called being human. We ourselves may have been envied when we were not estranged... at that time we never dreamt estrangement was on the cards for us. I have found relief by offering all up to God.
savedbyhim45
savedbyhim45
This is a painful process but we can make it through with Gods help. Feeling sad and angry are normal responses, especially around the holidays. Imagine how Jesus felt she he was totally abandoned by everyone he knew. No one stood by him and he was alone. The Lord knows how much you hurt, pray to him to console you and focus on taking care of yourself during this time.
deleted_user
deleted_user
Thank you for your helpful replies. It is important to remember to take care of myself. It helps that people remind me. And you are right, Jesus faced his darkest hour alone.