CHRISTIAN PARENTS of ESTRANGED ADULT CHILDREN Community Group

Estrangement makes it difficult to talk about with family, friends, neighbors and church members. Christians are NOT immune to broken families. Talk about your experiences with those who know how you feel and get positive support through your Christian faith...."In these last days difficult times will come, for men will be lovers of self...disobedient to parents,...

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chocolatecat 03/12/2015

Sitting here for days knowing a bomb is going to drop into my life at any moment now. Twin ES bdays are today. Ordered them both nice but simple gifts that were delivered yesterday with a simple "happy bday, we love you". One ES won't even notice if we don't call today, we never hear from him. The other ES has been beating down every door to get to us. He wants something from us that we are not willing to give at this point. He's using other people's phones daily to call home and office and text. Any conversation with him is going to be a giant blow out and I'm so tired of those. He has always been like this, totally relentless when he wants something. It is exhausting and our experience is that there is no reasoning with him. I don't know why this time would be different and I'm afraid to answer and find out. I rarely fall asleep before sunrise as it is. DH and I just started going to the gym in our building again, very long overdue and we are just starting to look after our own health again. I know a big blow out with ES will ruin all our energy and momentum. This ES doesn't care at all that what he does brings us so much stress. He just wants what he wants and is going to beat us down until he gets it.
Would really covet your prayers for wisdom for us especially today. Thank you all.

SearchingAlways 03/12/2015

So sorry to read that you are having to go through all of this! How heartbreaking!
Praying for you... for God to give you peace and strength and wisdom in dealing with this situation!

gordos4 03/12/2015

I know how it feels, waiting for another bombshell to hit you, or waiting for the other shoe to drop. With prayer, it is getting better. Your nerves get raw after awhile & you are constantly on edge & nervous. Every little sound makes me jump, but I've always been a nervous person. Every time to phone rings, my heart jumps. We worry about our EC a lot more than they worry about us. They know what this does to us, they just don't care. They are punishing us for not being their doormats anymore.

poodlegirl61 03/12/2015

I, too, am a very nervous, anxious person. I also have always been the type who doesn't like confrontation and all of this is just unreal and surreal to me. And of course as I have said before, nobody in my extended family or friends understands at all. They just think it is a simple fix, and if we would "just accept his wife" everything would be rosy. But they don't understand the mental problems and the manipulations. And plus the fact I am terrified of her. So I completely understand where you are coming from. I know your insides are tied up in knots over it. It is good that you are going to the gym with your husband. My husband won't go (really he doesn't have time with his job) but I go and I know it is good for me. As I have said before, you are a child of God, too, and you matter. Hang in there. Hugs!

lindajoan 03/12/2015

Chocolate, Praying. I think you did a lovely thing in sending birthday rememberances no matter what their response was. I know your one ES does not take no for an answer. I think he needs to hear the word no clearly. You deserve peace. God has called us to have His Shalom and your ES should not rob you of it. Agreed?

chocolatecat 03/12/2015

Thank you all. Days like these are just overwhelming. The guilt, the sadness, the anger, the lost dreams, pretty much every dream lost so far. I hate being in the position of not knowing if I should call or text my own children on their birthdays! The night isn't over yet in my time zone but so far nothing has blown up. Now the guilt is setting in. Will this bday live in their history books as the first one their mom didn't phone? Or are they aloof? One I think is aloof and the other will hold a grudge, like, another reason I'm a horrible mother.
My nerves are shot too. I just realized that I returned to nail biting, like a teenager. I haven't had the ringer on on the phone in months. I haven't had a cell phone in nearly a year. Only one friend and my parents have my email. I hope this is all temporary but it has been nearly a year now.
I would love to have a simple life somehow. I feel totally allergic to confrontation anymore. I never liked it but I did what needed to but done but now I'm totally avoiding it. I just had too much the past year. Hopefully this will all smooth over somehow.
Thanks again for understanding and being here for me.

lindajoan 03/13/2015

We are here for you. You are not alone. Estrangement threw me into a nervous habit also. You remembered their birthdays. That was enough. You are a good mother. As a friend of mine said to me in the past few years since the estrangement,"Make prayer your project". I was trying too hard to fix things. I could not. The Lord wants us to have His peace. The enemy wants us to be anxious and fearful.

Shalom to all here my dear friends. Praying for us all.

chocolatecat 03/13/2015

Thanks lindajoan. The day passed with nothing at all from either ES, or us, other than the gifts we sent. That was a relief, although I spent the day on pins and needles. I still know that we have a confrontation coming up with one ES because, knowing him, he just isn't going to stop. Thankfully it didn't happen on their birthday. I'm not in the least bit superstitious but today being Friday the 13th would be a much more appropriate day for family drama, not that I want it at all. So badly hoping and praying that whenever we do talk to him something in his attitude and priorities will have matured.

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