I'm not on FB, but have 2 different thoughts. 1st since my ED has dumped all of her family there's no one to give me info. which really causes a lot of fears and worries. At least you're getting info.
2nd it depends how they're handleing it. I've heard ED has kept a superficial relationship on FB with 1 friend that I have a little contact with. It bothers me that it seems she doesn't want to be involved in helping us reconcile even though our 2 families used to be really close. I still pray though that this friend and her father will reach out and give ED Christian advice. I don't want her to unfriend her because she's the only Christian friend she may have.

Kathysau, this fb thing really gets to me too. Our EC have friended all of our friends and relatives and vice versa. We see our "friends" liking and commenting positively on things that they know bother us (EC at bars drinking, with misc. girls, inappropriate photos, etc.). We have found out who are "real" friends are this way - which turns out not to be many. We do not have one single friend in all of this who has ever contacted us to tell us that they saw the EC were doing something inappropriate and thought we should know because they were worried. Nobody. Our ED "unfriended" us months ago with absolutely no provocation from us whatsoever. She is on fb with all of my "friends" and still nobody has ever told me what she is up to. My MIL said the same thing "why don't you ask your friends to unfriend your EC?" Because, honestly, they wouldn't and then they would just gossip about how we should have not asked them. It is very messed up in my opinion. Never before in history could you so easily humiliate your parents in front of all of their friends and family on a daily basis. I wouldn't have dreamt of being on such a level with my parent's friends at our EC ages or even our age. I don't know what to tell you other than it is a real burden and something that makes all of this even more difficult. I put a Bible verse for my fb cover photo. I think it sends a message about what I think fb should be for for Christians (Phil 4:8). Maybe there is a verse you could use? It isn't a solution but it makes me feel slightly better about feeling the need to be on fb. I've often thought of using 2 Timothy 3:1-5. I've also seriously considered getting off of fb. It seems like it just adds to the stress. Someday I probably will. Praying the Lord will give you wisdom in this.

Estranged relationships are fouled up relationships. Facebook too easily leads to additional feelings hurt, increasing anger, or feelings of being betrayed (or all three!).

What is the biblical way of handling disputes between two people? Matthew 18:15 makes it clear that one must go to the person he/she is unhappy with and get it worked out. All too often, however, people dump their anger and unhappiness on Facebook for everyone to see. Even veiled references that are not very veiled, are out there for everyone to see as two family members slug it out on Facebook.

It is how one uses Facebook that matters. Whether it be Facebook or any other form, I don't think it is right to either solicit or expect friends or family members to take sides in a dispute simply because of their relationship with either side. Why? Because, unless they are mediators for the purpose of bringing peace, they are being asked to make judgments of issues that they may not know the whole story about and therefore could only make thinks worse for both sides.

Gossip is a sin and I have to remember that God is on Facebook too. Yes, He is, because our Lord is everywhere and sees all that we say, do, and post. Christians using Facebook should use it well, wisely, and for good purposes, instead of letting it become a stumbling block to themselves or to others.

There is nothing Godly about publicly hashing out differences instead of following the mandate of Scripture.

Just my opinion.

I am not on FB. Estrangement is not the reason. I just never needed to have it. Our ED is and reports that have come to me is that family and former friends have been dumped. Other friends tell me that their friendship requests have been denied. Some friends sincerely thought they could help bring ED closer to The Lord and family. To me that would be the only reason your friend should communicate with
ED.

I agree for friends and relatives to keep a normal everyday relationship with an EC is wrong. It shows they are condoning the behavior (betrayal to parents)of the EC. People can care and pray but along with that if there is contact they should speak truth. Sure fire way they would then be blocked.

I have also had to deal with this sort of thing, but at the end of the day, we cannot control other people. People have their own lives and for the most part they don't care to get involved in the difficult situations of others. I was actually told last Thanksgiving by my sister that "most of the family" would prefer I not be at dinner so that my children can attend. Eventually we all need to realize that we just need to keep out chins up, continue on with our own lives, and not worry about what others thing. We know the truth and that is what matters.

"think" not "thing"

CanadianMother: I absolutely agree with your assessment about other family and friends. We are only able to control ourselves. It is I believe not helpful in situations as complex as estrangement to expect other family and friends to take sides. They are free to make their own choices even if those choices seem as betrayal, which I do not believe are betrayals. these situations need to be resolved through prayer and between only those involved.

I deleted my facebook account quite a while ago because of the heartache it brought to me reading about family events to which I was not invited and other things that were going on in their lives. It just was not worth the pain.

Yes, I had to remove certain people for the same reason. I don't really need to see my grandchildren, whom I cannot see, with others. It's like putting salt on my own wound. Why do that to myself?

How would I feel if that happened to me?

Well, first of all, I don't think that Facebook is a good place for estranged parents because it's a platform for all kinds of hurts for people who already have our emotions all tied up in knots to start with. It's like walking into walking into a pit full of rattlesnakes expecting not to get bit. Just my personal opinion of course.

I'm not on Facebook but if I were I can understand where you would feel like your relatives and friends who remain as "friends" with your EC might make you feel like you were being abandoned. But, even though I might "feel" that I am being abandoned does not mean that it is a "fact." I think it would also make me feel a bit jealous that they were able to communicate with my child in a friendly manner whereas I was not given that privilege also. But then jealously is something I would have to deal with because coveting is not of the Lord. However, I don't think it would get to the level of upsetting me if they remained on good terms with friends and family unless it became clear that they moved from taking a neutral position to a negative position against me in some manner.

After all, it is their family too and I do not want to be the one that increases a divide between families unless it gets to the point of clearly being deliberately slanderous by those friends and family who know the facts of the situation and are simply taking sides to be a part of the in-group. But as long as they are remaining neutral, then I think it can be a benefit to you that they observe her disrespectful in comparison to your Christlike behavior.