CHRISTIAN PARENTS of ESTRANGED ADULT CHILDREN Community Group
Estrangement makes it difficult to talk about with family, friends, neighbors and church members. Christians are NOT immune to broken families. Talk about your experiences with those who know how you feel and get positive support through your Christian faith...."In these last days difficult times will come, for men will be lovers of self...disobedient to parents,...
I appreciate everyone's perspectives in this group, and it has meant a great deal to me over the last couple of yrs to know this forum is here. I haven't written in a while, but wanted to ask if anyone has had the same experience that I have. I have 2 adult married sons, and 4 grandchildren, 3 of whom I have not been allowed to meet. I visited my mother this past weekend, and there were 2 new pictures of one of granddaughters in my mother's dress (a dress that my mother was wearing herself in an oil painting made of her at 8 years). I had not been given copies of these photos of a granddaughter that I have never been allowed to meet. My sons both live in CA, my mother lives in NC, and I live in GA. My sons have brought their children to visit my parents numerous times, but have said it was "too far" to travel to visit me in GA with my grandchildren. There were also an elaborate birthday card to my mother with the "we love you" from my DIL, and a framed typed thank you letter from DIL about the privilege of allowing my granddaughter to be photographed wearing her grandmother's dress. My mother and my brother and family all know about the pain and distress of the complete alienation of one ES and DIL, and the partial (mostly) alienation of my ohter ES and DIL; however, they all flaunt their relationships with both of my ES and DIL and the grandchildren I so seldom see. My one ES has emailed on 2 consecutive weekends asking if I wanted to Skype and 2 see my new grandbaby via Skype. I responded yes, please just call me, last weekend; he called one time and asked if I could Skype "Now for about 10 minutes." Unfortunately I was at the grocery store, and could not get home immediately to be available. He said they would try later in the weekend but never did. This past Saturday he asked if I could Skype "later today" but never did because they were "too busy." Then yesterday (Sunday) he emailed to see if I wanted to Skype "later today", and I responded please just call, and that I would love to Skype. Needless to say, he never called or tried to Skype. He has done this so many times that I would rather he not even bother now. I sort of felt hopeful all weekend that I might soon be able to see and talk with my son and his family, and then nothing. He does not respond to phone calls, and if I ask to Skype, it is "not a good time."
I am a little fed up, and feeling like it would be "easier" to "divorce" my whole family rather than get the salt rubbed in the wounds constantly! Does anyone experience this kind of stuff?
I am a little fed up, and feeling like it would be "easier" to "divorce" my whole family rather than get the salt rubbed in the wounds constantly! Does anyone experience this kind of stuff?
Yes..I asked my own mother for a "copy" of the photos of my grandson..all sitting in an album on her coffeetable. She said "No..they are MY pictures!" How cruel, as she knows full well about our oldest son estranging himself and not even giving us a photo of our beloved grandson..who I only saw last when he was 7 months old . This past week has been especially difficult because my grandson turned two years old last Thursday, and we weren't even given any Christmas 2012 photos of him..and no Easter photos, nor any clue to how he is now that he is two years old. My mother has all of these photos, and they connect with her, and she is just as cruel, not letting me know how they are doing, nor sharing any photos. I am completely devastated by her enabling this behavior with our ES.
So sorry about your story..it sounds so familiar. Yes..this extended family getting into the estrangement party is happening to me..and to others also. It really is so sad. This isn't what families that love each other should be doing..but it's happening to me, and I don't feel the "love" from my mother anymore..just cruel rejection..that's pretty much it. I pray for her soul..she is not in a good relationship with God, and that's where she needs to focus on right now.
You aren't alone dear friend.
(((hugs)))
Maddie
Needless to say I don't look forward to this Mother;s Day. Sadly it is travesty for me.
I'm sorry for the pain you are undergoing. All I can say is other dysfunctional families are having to deal with that kind of selfish behavior also.
I am so sorry for family members hurting you and keeping you torn up emotionally! I certainly can relate to others receiving photos and sharing eventful memories together while being totally left out, like you no longer exist. They are all just so hateful and inconsiderate and will be held responsible some day for their cruel mistreatment. Two years ago, I shipped my ED my little red & green plaid dress with white trim I wore in kindergarten and had my school picture taken in. When my daughter attended her first day of kindergarten, she wore the very same dress. So now it's become a tradition to pass it on for the third generation to wear to school at least once and have their photo taken wearing it. So Grammy, ED and the oldest of three granddaughters have worn it now, but I'm really wondering if ED will keep it going with the other two because of our estrangement. I sometimes wonder if she's trashed it. It's a hurtful feeling since I'm very sentimental. I don't like it when other family members participate in family gatherings and later we find out and are deeply wounded. It's like they all are taking turns twisting the existing knife in our back! I realize some prefer staying neutral and going along with the majority of the others while not once considering our feelings and the deep void in our hearts. Shame on them for keeping things from us and being so secretive. Your mother was being self-centered and cruel in her own way without even recognizing it. You really stop and wonder what our value and importance was originally to our family members from the beginning of our lives for them to mistreat us and give us no support now. I hope and pray there will be another opportunity for Skype with your GC, but don't get your hopes up only for them to wound you again. It's just not worth it.
Today was my oldest granddaughter's 7th birthday, but it was a typical day for me. I've sent cards and gifts in the past and never was acknowledged or properly thanked, so I'm no fool to keep up something I enjoy. I love buying things for my granddaughters, but not at the expense of my emotional and physical health. I don't think if they ever saw me on the street they'd even recognize me. I've been buried.
It is torture, it is cruelty, it is rejection and ostracization. All of the things that our Dear Lord Jesus Christ experienced. Remember this, remember how sick and sinful these actions are and how against the teachings of Christ. These people are lost. But be kind to unkind people, they need it the MOST. Kill them with kindness. It is just Satan using them as weapons against you. In the end they will be judged and if not in this life they will live to feel the SHAMEFULLNESS and DISGRACE of THEIR actions.
Hold your head high, and walk away with your dignity and God's Love. You deserve RESPECT and if they can't give it to you then they don't deserve your company.
Hugs AMoM
As difficult as it is, it's in your best interest, both mentally and emotionally, to stop allowing them to hold these things over your head. Pick your head up, hold it high and walk away.
The key word is Respect. I often ask myself, " Why do people who spend so much time setting up and playing these hurtful games, demand My respect - when their very acts are a demonstration of their lack of respect towards me?"
Respect yourself and stop allowing them draw you into their sick, pathetic and hurtful games.
When or If they choose to treat you with truth and respect - Then and only then allow them to Show you that they have.
Not a one of us here, in this group, coined the phrase " Actions speak louder than words" - yet we see it all the time.