CHRISTIAN PARENTS of ESTRANGED ADULT CHILDREN Community Group
Estrangement makes it difficult to talk about with family, friends, neighbors and church members. Christians are NOT immune to broken families. Talk about your experiences with those who know how you feel and get positive support through your Christian faith...."In these last days difficult times will come, for men will be lovers of self...disobedient to parents,...
The Prodigal Lawyer Mar 19, 2015
I want to encourage all of you out there who are hurting from the estrangement they feel from their own children (or parents). I am 50 and was once estranged from my parents for decades. I can share all the gruesome details but I no longer play the victim. I am grateful that the Lord revealed to me, although it took decades, that my parents did the best they knew how - That they were ill equipped to parent in a mature and healthy way. Once I had the revelation that I had a duty to honor my parents - without exception, my desire to love them has increased with each day. God is healing our hurts and putting our family back in order. My parents divorced when I was three and I did not know my father or his family until my 20s. My mother has battled with many "issues" that prevented her from being a nurturing parent. Now that I see clearly - I realize that both my parents lacked effective parenting skills from their parents. I now see it as a continuous REPEATING cycle. I will pray for all who have shared their hearts on this board and I want to encourage you to BELEIVE that your family will be healed and whole so that you begin acting in a way that will support that belief. Don't continue to wear the "victim" coat. Instead, walk in your power and authority to claim the promises that you will be an honored parent. My revelation came from reading the Bible and finally understanding that as a child I am to honor my parents. And if I am to honor them, I can't continue to blame theme for their mistakes, neglect, wrong choices, self-centeredness - and whatever other excuses I gave for having a hardened heart against them. My prayer for you is that you get help to heal and that you make a decision that YOU WIN! That you will have a loving and caring relationship with your children (or parents) and the Lord will teach you how to do just that. I also pray that you examine your relationship with your own parents. Is it possible that your child learned from you how to disassociate? That was my "AHA".....I have three daughters and was concerned about what our relationship would be like once they were adults and then the Lord spoke to me gently and lovingly....and said - "they will be just like you and they will love you just like you have taught them through the way you show love to your parents and your brother (who had been in prison....another story)" WOW! RIGHT BETWEEN THE EYES!....Anyway, don't believe what others tell you about it being hopeless and that your kids don't deserve your effort. And more importantly, don't you ever believe that your kids won't honor you. I am living proof that with God all things are possible. My relationship with my family is growing and becoming more secure (not perfect). I grieve the loss of all the years we spent apart and I spent being ashamed. But every day we lost was worth it if my family's example will encourage you to not waste any more time. You can never tell your child/parent that you love them enough. You can never show your child/parent that you love them too much. I pray that when you make the effort, you are doing so for their benefit and not for your own. That your effort is to help them heal and be whole - and not for what you want to gain. Help them to get to a place where they learn to honor you. Get there as fast you can. Blessings!
Read more: http://www.empoweringparents.com/blog/communication/estranged-from-adult-child-parent-child-estrangement/#ixzz3Ynu4KfQK
I want to encourage all of you out there who are hurting from the estrangement they feel from their own children (or parents). I am 50 and was once estranged from my parents for decades. I can share all the gruesome details but I no longer play the victim. I am grateful that the Lord revealed to me, although it took decades, that my parents did the best they knew how - That they were ill equipped to parent in a mature and healthy way. Once I had the revelation that I had a duty to honor my parents - without exception, my desire to love them has increased with each day. God is healing our hurts and putting our family back in order. My parents divorced when I was three and I did not know my father or his family until my 20s. My mother has battled with many "issues" that prevented her from being a nurturing parent. Now that I see clearly - I realize that both my parents lacked effective parenting skills from their parents. I now see it as a continuous REPEATING cycle. I will pray for all who have shared their hearts on this board and I want to encourage you to BELEIVE that your family will be healed and whole so that you begin acting in a way that will support that belief. Don't continue to wear the "victim" coat. Instead, walk in your power and authority to claim the promises that you will be an honored parent. My revelation came from reading the Bible and finally understanding that as a child I am to honor my parents. And if I am to honor them, I can't continue to blame theme for their mistakes, neglect, wrong choices, self-centeredness - and whatever other excuses I gave for having a hardened heart against them. My prayer for you is that you get help to heal and that you make a decision that YOU WIN! That you will have a loving and caring relationship with your children (or parents) and the Lord will teach you how to do just that. I also pray that you examine your relationship with your own parents. Is it possible that your child learned from you how to disassociate? That was my "AHA".....I have three daughters and was concerned about what our relationship would be like once they were adults and then the Lord spoke to me gently and lovingly....and said - "they will be just like you and they will love you just like you have taught them through the way you show love to your parents and your brother (who had been in prison....another story)" WOW! RIGHT BETWEEN THE EYES!....Anyway, don't believe what others tell you about it being hopeless and that your kids don't deserve your effort. And more importantly, don't you ever believe that your kids won't honor you. I am living proof that with God all things are possible. My relationship with my family is growing and becoming more secure (not perfect). I grieve the loss of all the years we spent apart and I spent being ashamed. But every day we lost was worth it if my family's example will encourage you to not waste any more time. You can never tell your child/parent that you love them enough. You can never show your child/parent that you love them too much. I pray that when you make the effort, you are doing so for their benefit and not for your own. That your effort is to help them heal and be whole - and not for what you want to gain. Help them to get to a place where they learn to honor you. Get there as fast you can. Blessings!
Read more: http://www.empoweringparents.com/blog/communication/estranged-from-adult-child-parent-child-estrangement/#ixzz3Ynu4KfQK
lindajoan
This is an encouraging testimony. It showed me how much EC are missing out on,also. May God work in the hearts of each EC represented here.
DeeplySaddened
What do you do when your EC tells you to no longer contact them?
gordos4
Deeply, then don't contact them. That is their decision. My ES wanted to move home again at 30 & I told him NO! Then he said "Then you will never see or speak to me again, & whatever happens to me is on your head". Its all part of their mind games & playing with our motherly emotions. I had had enough of his verbal abuse, I wasn't going to let him move in so I could hear it daily. My nerves couldn't take it. The ball is in their court, & there is nothing we can do except pray.
savedbyhim45
People have different opinions deeply saddened, some say send a card or message once in awhile, others say no - to move on. I texted my ES on Easter with no response. I will probably do the same on his birthday. I think if the EC has said don't contact me then I probably would honor their request. Focus on your life and happiness. You deserve a good life and need to focus on that. My older son has pretended that I don't exist, so I mourned and picked myself up off the ground , and let it go. God will take care of the EC, you no longer have to worry about them. I do not chase anyone who does not put the effort into having a relationship with me. It is way too draining and will destroy you. In the long run, hopefully a light bulb will go off as the above estranged daughter stated.
mike2020
With the silence of each day, I wonder what would I say if my daughter called me. There days that I would be excited and other days I find myself not caring. The things my daughter has put me through causes me to regret she was ever born.
givingupcontrol
Yes, my skin gets thicker and thicker through the years of hurt and pain inflicted by my daughter. We are not totally estranged anymore, but our relationship will never be what I had hoped for, and what my mother and I have. She just goes to her own beat- creates her own set of "values"- and is extremely selfish at her core. I heard a wonderful sermon not long ago about dealing with trials and the pastor said to "control the controllables" in your life. I'm trying to invest in the people who God has placed in my life and do things that I enjoy. Would give anything for her to come around one day, but I'm not wasting any more of my life waiting for it.
Mara77
Thank you for taking the time to share you journey and your testimony...so beautiful and inspiring!! it is hard to give up on the dreams we hold in our hearts of what we expected our relationship with our children would be and you comment to walk in that promise has given me new fuel. God bless you!
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