CHRISTIAN PARENTS of ESTRANGED ADULT CHILDREN Community Group
Estrangement makes it difficult to talk about with family, friends, neighbors and church members. Christians are NOT immune to broken families. Talk about your experiences with those who know how you feel and get positive support through your Christian faith...."In these last days difficult times will come, for men will be lovers of self...disobedient to parents,...
I am wondering if this has also happened to anyone else: both of my sons are now estranged (one had been off and on, but was tenuously reconnected for about one year after his daughter's birth and is now back to not acknowledging any communication, birthday gifts for his daughter, etc.). I just visited my parents this past weekend, and they had photos of my sister-in-law with both of my sons. My parents also let me know how my sons call them, and have their daughters (I have never even been allowed to see my older son's 2 daughters) talk to them on the phone. My parents know this is a painful topic to me, but my dad seemed to enjoy "rubbing it in" (somewhat his personality to gloat when things are painful to me) about my sons and their communication with him, but not with me. My brother and his wife also communicate with them. I am thankful that they are relating to my extended family, but also find it incredibly painful that no one will stand up and encourage them to do what is right, and to also communicate with their mother! I too have a knot in my chest (or at least that's what it feels like) thinking about this mess. I am grateful for having found a new church where we can worship and be encouraged. I just hope I have the emotional energy to invest in some new relationships, as sometimes it seems this "mess" sucks the life out of me, and leaves nagging doubts that maybe I am just not a loveable person (or my children would love me). I know Jesus loves me, and has forgiven me for all my sins and imperfections.
Has this happened with anyone else on this site, where others in your family have "taken sides" against you with your children?
Thanks again for all the encouragement from everyone on this site!
Has this happened with anyone else on this site, where others in your family have "taken sides" against you with your children?
Thanks again for all the encouragement from everyone on this site!
What can you do about it? I think the real question is - "would you want them to not see your family?" To me, as painful as it is for you to have to endure, I would not want to force them to choose sides and you do seem to realize that when you say; " I am thankful that they are relating to my extended family..."
What you CAN do is let your parents know just how much it hurts you when they talk to you the way they do. After that, each time they do it, speak up and say; "That was hurtful, and I would appreciate it if you did not do it again, thank you." Set some boundaries for yourself. It is ok to do. Being a Christian does not mean that you have to subject yourself to rude and mean comments - even from your parents.
Yes, they should stand up for what is right if they know what the situation is and know that you are truly the victim. However, you can only ask them to do that and explain how much that also hurts you, but you can't force them to do it or make them feel as though they should not be seeing your parents.
I am happy to see that you have found a new church and I hope that you will be able to find someone who can relate to you and your situation also. When the right time comes, and you feel led to do so, let people know of your situation. You will be amazed to find out that there are others that may be sitting right beside you that are in the same situation as you are in and be able to comfort and encourage one another.
Pray for all of them and ask God to reveal Himself to them in a lifechanging way so that you can all be a family again and that there is peace amongst you all.
Hugs hon, I know this hurts - rejection always does. The shortest verse in the Bible is "Jesus wept." He wept because He knew that the greatest gift of all mankind was going to be rejected by the very people He had come to save. It brings things into perspective for me when things get too painful for me - if I remember to think about this at that time. Hopefully, someone here will remember it for me and remind me of it when I need it! LOL Huggs again.
Yes, we too have experienced a similar situation with other family members contacting our two ES, with everyone concluding we are wrong; we are horrible because we don't grovel and beg so we could see our grands.
The world is in the 'end times' as described in scripture; this fact has soothed our souls, here are a few scriptures:
"Be sober, be vigilant; because your adversary the devil, as a roaring lion, walketh about, seeking whom he may devour:" 1Peter 5:8
"And the brother shall deliver up the brother to death, and the father the child: and the children shall rise up against [their] parents, and cause them to be put to death." Matthew 10:21
"This know also, that in the last days perilous times shall come. For men shall be lovers of their own selves, covetous, boasters, proud, blasphemers, disobedient to parents, unthankful, unholy, Without natural affection, trucebreakers, false accusers, incontinent, fierce, despisers of those that are good, Traitors, heady, highminded, lovers of pleasures more than lovers of God; Having a form of godliness, but denying the power thereof: from such turn away. For of this sort are they which creep into houses, and lead captive silly women laden with sins, led away with divers lusts, Ever learning, and never able to come to the knowledge of the truth." 2Timothy 3:1-7
We've suffered without our kids [7 grands too] for 3 years. Working on a reconciliation since June, iffy at best. So you are not alone.
May the Lord richly bless you as you serve Him.
CM2
I also agree with ChristianMom and believe Matthew 10:21. We are actually living out Bible prophesy. But I know God is with us thru all of this and He will not let us flounder during these difficult times. He will even provide opportunities and fill the voids in our lives if we allow Him. Like you, we are also attending a new church and I feel God has provided this new loving family. We need to keep looking UP to HIM! He is our Hope and Deliverer. My prayers and blessings to you...