CHRISTIAN PARENTS of ESTRANGED ADULT CHILDREN Community Group

Estrangement makes it difficult to talk about with family, friends, neighbors and church members. Christians are NOT immune to broken families. Talk about your experiences with those who know how you feel and get positive support through your Christian faith...."In these last days difficult times will come, for men will be lovers of self...disobedient to parents,...

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caregiver1958 09/14/2014

For many years my middle child , my Son , and I were estranged because of parent alienation . We would bounce back and forth , and there were times that when he was young I just didn't do well at the attitude issues he gave me or his actions . He was a smart mouthed lil cuss at best most of the time . But I always loved him . We stopped our estrangement when my ED took off for Pa . But there is alot missing still with him . His Father passed last Dec and his whole outlook on life seems to have changed ... he believes he entitled to everything both parents have . He took ALL of his Fathers things and sold some of it and has left his older Brother out of everything ( he is in Prison ) . He sold , for example a rifle for 750.00 and sent his Brother in prison 20.00 . Recently after I helped him to get all of his Fathers things back to him ( his family there was taking it all away ) he has treated me like I am a Leper . He doesn't answer calls , or letter , or text messages for weeks and if at all .

We have a lot of bad past together because of the parental alienation . So all last week he threw at me stone after stone ... because he felt ALL my Facebook pics and quotes were aimed at him and they weren't ... I feel his heart was under conviction for not writing his brother and using some of the 100,000.00 his Father left behind to help his dying brother who is in prison ... but he was cussing me , calling me names , using the grandkids at me , being so disrespectful . I had had enough ... so I am going to let him be ... I would rather embrace the estrangement with him again rather than be abused verbally and have my own grandchildren used against me

sallyannlass 09/14/2014

Dear Caregiver: This sounds like a good decision at this time in your life. Maybe time estranged may make him see the error of his ways like the prodigal son. Blessings.

rosearch 09/14/2014

I agree with sally. There is only so much we can do. If our children are determined to "make us pay", when we are not to blame, then the best thing to do is protect ourselves and get out of their line of fire. No one should have to endure abuse to have a relationship with anyone.

lindajoan 09/14/2014

caregiver, I don't blame you for feeling this way. Our children are commanded to honor their parents. If you feel that you are not being honored it should not be accepted. God willing, if you take a step back he may start realizing why and even ask you. Then you can explain it to him. God bless you.

savedbyhim45 09/14/2014

I agree, I feel like if we ignore the abuse , then we are just as much to blame for allowing it to happen to us. I now feel that I have let my own children mistreat me so much over the years that they think it is normal to do so, and that is the way it is suppose to be. I am now looking at it a different way and not contributing to my part of letting my ES's treat me as though I don't exist and don't matter at all or make up false accusations against me. I will no longer beg, walk on egg shells or contribute to my misery. We are human beings who deserve a decent existence.

caregiver1958 09/15/2014

During our 3 day arguments last week , which was not an argument to me because I was calm and nice , he wasn't , the thing that hurt the most was he kept using his oldest to hurt me , my GS is 11 and he gets him to even say hurtful things when on the phone , he is always right there beside him whispering things to say to me ... it just kills me to have to hear and know my GC is being manipulated by his Father .

The second thing that hurt the most was him saying he had more scars in his heart from our estrangement than I could ever have had in my lifetime . He knows of the domestic violence in my life , He knows I am a survivor of childhood abuse , sexual , mental and physical . He is 36 and I am 56 , he truly believes that he has had more hurts in his life than I have ... when he said that I could only shake my head and cry ... he has a great life as a child , spoiled , and given what he asked for by his Father up until the very day his Father died , and he was given all the things I could give , never money tho and he felt and still does an entitlement of what I have .

He was just so mean and cruel ... and this will be our fourth time of walking away from one another , and at this point I have my mind made up its final

Thank you all for the support and understanding

deleted_user 09/15/2014

Caregiver, what you are describing is abusive. I think you should walk away and not go back to that. The fact that he is involving your grandson is also abusive to that boy. It is only my opinion, but I believe you should let it go and just pray about it. Hopefully one day your grandson will want to be a part of your life, and you need to be healthy and strong for him at that time. This is the same decision I've had to come to.

caregiver1958 09/15/2014

@ CM , thats why I said I was " embracing estrangement " . I moved to Ga to get away from the entire family of abusive people , mine included ... and I let him back in after his Father died last year but its been a case where I had to walk on eggshells to even communicate with him and his family . His wife is stuck on herself and the money he provides , whether he works for it or takes it from family , just as he did with his Fathers belongings , he recently called me worthless as a parent and used Bible scripture to prove a point that it says he is to inherit everything or I was worthless .... I could go on and on about what he has said and done but its just useless to try and keep score of the hurts he causes ... Im done this time around ... I will gladly let him go ... last Thursday , I took it to my Pastor and laid it all at God's feet

deleted_user 09/15/2014

My husband reminded me this morning that our children really are not ours. They are entrusted to us for a time, then we need to let them go. He's right. There is much for us to do, and focusing on all the negativity only serves to limit what we do for God. He is able to look after our children and grandchildren. We need to trust in his unfailing love, both for us and for them.

katesMom1995 09/15/2014

You are so right, CanadianMoth… We cannot lean on our own understanding through this--just trust in the Lord with all our heart.

whyonlychild 09/15/2014

We have no idea why we are being so brutally abused by our EC. Mine is just a total lack of the fact that we are alive. I've seen some "public" posts from ES that call the GF and her family "his" family. I was in contact with 2 GD for a while but he has stopped that. Abuse comes in many forms. To me because I need communication, he knows he is hurting me the most by his actions. Although I haven't reached it yet, I know that I have to let go of the whole thing and just leave it in God's hands. I can't be worried and upset every day of my life because then I am wasting my life. He doesn't have the right to take all of that from me. So I agree that I also need to "Embrace Estrangement" and realize that his trying to make my life miserable is not the way I want to live. I can only make my own choices and he can choose his. I need to just stay away from hoping for any kind of contact and leave all social media. My DH and I deserve happiness and good times so I can't waste my life concerned about ES and GC. They clearly don't want us and I some how through the grace of God must realize that. Thanks everyone for your posts

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