CHRISTIAN PARENTS of ESTRANGED ADULT CHILDREN Community Group
Estrangement makes it difficult to talk about with family, friends, neighbors and church members. Christians are NOT immune to broken families. Talk about your experiences with those who know how you feel and get positive support through your Christian faith...."In these last days difficult times will come, for men will be lovers of self...disobedient to parents,...
I have gone through and still do, the feeling of embarrassment. Other family and friends all have children who have become adults with careers/jobs ranging from a copy center in a law firm to pilot and everything in-between, and all have a close relationship with their children. I can't shed the thoughts that they look at me and silently wonder what kind of a mother I was to my children for one to be estranged and the other is loving, but unmotivated.
I do sin by being envious of them, although I don't want anything taken away from them, I am happy for all of them, just wonder why I am where I am and not enjoying the good life of loving adult children and grandchldren.
And also how they "silently" wonder why my ES doesn't want to spend time with us, even if it were secretly so his wife wouldn't find out.
I do sin by being envious of them, although I don't want anything taken away from them, I am happy for all of them, just wonder why I am where I am and not enjoying the good life of loving adult children and grandchldren.
And also how they "silently" wonder why my ES doesn't want to spend time with us, even if it were secretly so his wife wouldn't find out.
There is nothing to be embarrassed about or ashamed of since it was your ECs who made the choices for estrangement, not you. Don't allow Satan to dictate these injurious falsehoods in your minds and hearts. They are not true, but he wants to make a believer out of you! People will think whatever they wish and we humanly cannot control them. Please stop allowing others to worry you and consume your thoughts. Focus on God and what He has and wants for you and your future, not others. Keep your eyes fixed on Jesus and He will help you overcome these thoughts and feelings each new day. You are only heaping on more gloom and doom to your sad grief by worrying what others must think. In the beginning, I was like you in your feelings, but soon realized it just wasn't worth stewing over what people must be thinking. If they are your true genuine friends and acquaintances, then they will be loving, caring and supporting no matter what. If not, then they aren't worth a minute of your time to fret over, simple as that. Only in your heart of hearts you know what kind of mothers you were and if you have tried your best to repair any mistakes that happened in the past. If you have, then there is nothing more either of you can do but to wait patiently, keep praying and trusting God to work a needed miracle in your lives. Fill your moments with positive distractions. As soon as Satan whispers unkind thoughts of you or being a lousy mom and what other busybodies must be thinking, you stop immediately and pray and tell Satan to get behind your back and leave you alone in Jesus' name, that you want absolutely no part of him or the garbage he's telling you. You have to be delivered from his evil clutches and he will flee if he hears Jesus' name mentioned. That is your key to get rid of the untrue trash he continues to dump in your minds and hearts. Be constant about it too, not just when things get their lowest.
gma6, I see you using yourself as whipping post all the time and my heart goes out to you. However, you must stop beating yourself up emotionally and let responsibility lie where it's suppose to be with your EC and not you. We've all made human mistakes, but we are not total failures in the eyes of God. He loves us, cares for us, wants the best for us, and wants us to be happy and fulfilled. None of us in this support group know what went wrong and why it happened to us, but it's how we are reacting in our actions and behaviors while continually seeking God's divine help, comfort and peace that helps us make it and our attitudes to be what we should be as Christians. God is going to see each and every one of us through all this ugly mess! I truly believe that with all my heart. We are His children and He loves us. I am sure Jesus is sad and weeping right along with us in our private moments and is heartbroken too. God is very concerned that none of our children should perish while they are living in their sinful state. Our children are living in sin by their willful choices, decisions and actions and will be held accountable at the Judgment Bar some day. We have to live our lives properly too despite what our cruel children have done to us. God loves you gma6 and so do the rest of us in our support group. Chin up and keep going dear although it's painfully difficult...you'll make it with God's mercy and grace. I am deeply grieving too, but these past two months or so, God has done miraculous works in my heart to help me and not to have a bitter spirit. I know it's His divine grace. I could easily keep angry and bitter, but who is actually winning in that particular battle? Of course, it's the devil himself and he delights in dragging us down and making us feel lower than a snake's belly in grass. We can rise above it with God's divine help and mercy.
Allow me to say a prayer for you both...
Dear God Our Heavenly Father,
I place and commit these two beautiful friends into your loving and caring hands to touch and help heal so they can go on living despite their family-torn circumstances which seem to control their lives. Oh God of mercy, I ask in Jesus' name that you place your protecting hands around them and provide them your divine love, care, comfort, and peace only you can give. Remove any untrue thoughts from their minds and hearts regarding what their friends must be thinking of them as mothers that unceasingly control them. Deliver them from Satan's snares that are creating more upset and heartache in their lives. We ask these things in your blessed Holy Name! Amen...
"Trust and obey, for there's no other way, to be happy in Jesus, but to trust and obey."
God be with you in a special way...you are loved and appreciated by me.
Everyone who knew my ES personally loved his warmth, ability to make people laugh, love for older people, etc. and it wasn't until he met and married my DIL that he changed and threw his whole family under the bus. Most people know it was her who caused the estrangement and they were sympathetic and caring - in the beginning. Now that it has been almost 6 years, no one talks about my ES any more, probably because they don't want to bring up old wounds. Sometimes I wish they would.
It is a day to day challenge to not think about what caused all of this - my disagreements with my DIL who wanted to dictate everything my DH and I would do for them and give them, even though they didn't want to spend any time with us. And most days I am pretty upbeat, but there is Satan always tugging with negative thinking.
Thank you so much for praying for us. We are blessed to have you.