CHRISTIAN PARENTS of ESTRANGED ADULT CHILDREN Community Group
Estrangement makes it difficult to talk about with family, friends, neighbors and church members. Christians are NOT immune to broken families. Talk about your experiences with those who know how you feel and get positive support through your Christian faith...."In these last days difficult times will come, for men will be lovers of self...disobedient to parents,...
Tonight after reading over 100 posts; I decided to make one last effort with my ED. I wrote her an email:
Don't worry, I won't begin another effort at contacting you, I won't invade your private space and life. I have no need of asking why or rehashing events. I just needed to attempt once more at establishing contact. In the past nearly a year I have taken your words at face value; believing you when you said you no longer want me in your life as your mother. The only thing I have wondered if that was just words of anger, or a new way of life for you. Life itself cannot change the fact that I was put here as your mother and will love until the end of my time, nothing will ever change that. I was unable to "let go" without making a last effort at reconciliation. If your response to me is no response, I will then take that as your continuing desire for not sharing life with me. I wish it could be otherwise, but if that is what you desire I will then forever respect it and move on without you in my as it your choice, not my own. I will always love you daughter, nothing can change that. MOM
That was what I sent. I don't expect a response, was more of my way of not just reaching out, but gaining some finality for myself, getting some amount of closure here. I will never know whether she actually reads it or deletes it....... but I have peace in knowing I tried. Peace in knowing that after months of attempting no contact I tried again when I thought perhaps anger had retreated some....... Even if I never know anything more I am ok with that, with recurring sadness and anger at times which I Know is normal.......
Don't worry, I won't begin another effort at contacting you, I won't invade your private space and life. I have no need of asking why or rehashing events. I just needed to attempt once more at establishing contact. In the past nearly a year I have taken your words at face value; believing you when you said you no longer want me in your life as your mother. The only thing I have wondered if that was just words of anger, or a new way of life for you. Life itself cannot change the fact that I was put here as your mother and will love until the end of my time, nothing will ever change that. I was unable to "let go" without making a last effort at reconciliation. If your response to me is no response, I will then take that as your continuing desire for not sharing life with me. I wish it could be otherwise, but if that is what you desire I will then forever respect it and move on without you in my as it your choice, not my own. I will always love you daughter, nothing can change that. MOM
That was what I sent. I don't expect a response, was more of my way of not just reaching out, but gaining some finality for myself, getting some amount of closure here. I will never know whether she actually reads it or deletes it....... but I have peace in knowing I tried. Peace in knowing that after months of attempting no contact I tried again when I thought perhaps anger had retreated some....... Even if I never know anything more I am ok with that, with recurring sadness and anger at times which I Know is normal.......
My point is, unless you are more confident and more willing to let go, I mean REALLY hold you your words, than I was, then you might find yourself doing just as I, and many others here have done - cave in and try again.
The trouble I see happening when us parents say we are going to do something and then realize after-the-fact that ....um, maaaaybe that was not such a good idea after all, is that on the receiving end, our EK's know that they are controlling us, that we don't really mean it and that they know that we are vulnerable to their whims and their silent treatment means of punishment.
God spoke to me that it as time to let Him handle things and to step out of the way. We keep her in prayer. With God ALL things are possible. GuelsMom is right they must know we mean it.
After that night I began experiencing peace and it continues today. I will always be their Mom and I will always, always love them. The tears and heartache is less all the time. I also say the Serenity prayer often and it helps.
I do continue to send gifts and cards to the grandchildren, but not my daughters. Only God can speak to their hearts and bring about changes. I cannot.
My ED has not contacted her elderly grandparents or great aunt (all in their 80's) since she went silent with me and DH...what a shame to have great grandparents and great aunt of so9und mind able to walk and interact and keep those great grandchildren away...what a chance for 4 generations to know each other and she throws it away.
God have mercy on her soul for what she has done and is continuing to do.
I have not sent any letters or cards or presents...I decided if silence was what she wanted to play...I also could answer silence with silence. I wont put words in writing that might be used against me or phone calls either. It will have to be face to face....probably wont happen as it now 2 and 1/2 years of silence.
I do hope the email you sent makes your ED think and remember that sometimes words are said in anger and the longer she lets it go (and mine too) the harder it is to unstick yourself.
AllK