So sorry for your pain. These situations just make no sense and are hard to get our minds around. Wish there was a set way to deal with this new-normal. All I know is for you to work on controlling the things that you CAN control, and do the best you can to let God deal with the rest. By letting a wayward child (even an adult child) control your happiness, you risk damaging the relationships that you do still have in your life. So glad you have a wonderful husband, but he will not want to lose you (emotionally) to this estrangement that you can't change on your own.
Give yourself some time and space to cry and mourn, and then buck up and get on with your life, the best you can. Take a trip, pick up an old hobby, start some projects, volunteer to help someone, etc.... whatever you enjoy and can get your mind off your pain... It's so hard, but you are worth fighting for, and so are the relationships in your life with the people who love you.
Hugs

I am so glad you found this forum. We all understand what you are going though and feeling. This is a horrible thing to go through. Almost a year ago, God led me to this forum and to these beautiful sisters in the Lord. They're help and support has made a huge difference in my life. One year later, things are not perfect by any stretch of the imagination, but so far I'm still here, and moving forward. It is a process and process takes time, more time than we'd like though. Keep posting and sharing here. We understand and we care!

Love in Jesus,
Mountain Girl

Welcome. Everyone here understands the pain you are experiencing. We're on the same journey, some further along than others. The pain is fresh and raw for you, and we know how that feels. Sometimes it feels like I'm right back there with the open wound. Other times I'm able to find joy in life with those people who do love me. Please be good to yourself. We're here for you and for each other. We cry when someone expresses hurt, and we rejoice when someone has a breakthrough. And we keep each other in our prayers.

Dear Missing, We are thankful that you found us. We understand and care. We can not make sense of the senseless. Estrangement and bad treatment from our adult children do not make sense. We have the Lord and we need to hold on tightly to Him. He will help us. We can not change our EC but God can. We can pray. Please continue to post. We are here for one another. God bless you.

Although, I hate there are others going through estrangement, but I find comfort knowing I am not alone. It
takes someone going through it to understand. Be thankful for your husband and be good to yourself. There is no right reasoning for this happening in our lives, but acceptance is the first step of recovery. Next step is to leave it in the hands of God. Don't condemn yourself. God will see us through!

Dear Missing:
First of all, welcome to the group. I have been estranged 5 1/2 years now from my daughter and grandbabies. My daughter did not tell us, she just went silent and when we went to check on her at their house, they called the police and through them said they wanted zero contact and if we ever contacted them again, it would be a restraining order.
There has been zero communication for all this time. Family illness, deaths and funerals have not prompted her to even pick up the phone or send an email.

So, that's my circumstance ... and I have grieved and it is a deep sorrow ... BUT ... THEN GOD ...
because of Jesus, I've not only survived the rejection and shunning of my daughter and the loss of my grandchildren .... but despite the reality of the circumstances, I can say I have accepted it and because of Jesus I'm more than okay.

Honestly, I can say that the Lord has truly been my strength and my faith has been strengthened from going through this. It is not what I would have chosen ... but I didn't get a vote!!! And, it sounds like you don't have a vote either.

My best advice being 5 1/2 years into this journey, know that it is okay to grieve. This is not something that is yours to fix. Lay it at the feet of Jesus and give Him this burden. It's too much for us mom's to handle. Draw close to the Lord ... He is your strength through this ... and then come here often and talk ... and ask questions .... You will get through this and just know that your happiness is independent of what your son does or does not do. What he does you cannot and do not control, but you can do something about how you respond and my advise is to use this time to lean on Him. He is faithful! HUGS ...

Hi Missingourson, my tale is the same as yours so I know your pain. On this site we share each other's story.. The day to day way we cope with the struggle of our situations. So thankful for these lovely people to help me cope and make sense of things I can't change. Trust in The Lord that he knows everything involved.

May I just add to everyone in this site that this problem with our children seems to be quite common...only yesterday I met two ladies who have the same problem. Obviously not everyone admits it openly and many people have good relationships with their family and in laws. Many of the problems seem to happen because of who they meet and become influenced by. Just saying!

I am so sorry for what your son is doing to you. Our son did the same thing 8 years ago. I didn't meet my granddaughter until she was 4. Sadly it was my husband's illness that brought him back.

Some advice that was given to me on this site many years ago was to consider it "detachment". Detachment is not forever; it is just temporary. I focused on that word and prayed to God to make the detachment short. It still took 8 years.

I would just sit back, take a deep breath and pray. God knows your heart and He also knows the hearts of your son and grandchildren. I know those grandchildren will try to communicate some way with you. You have been in their lives too long for them to not want to continue to see you.

Do they have facebook accounts where you can send them a chat? They are old enough to know that their dad caused this and they will try to fix it someway. The hardest thing is to be patient and wait on God.

Welcome! You will find a wealth of information and so much caring from this group. They are all so wise and give so much comfort. My son was also very close to our family until he met the woman who he eventually married. She is very controlling and manipulative, but she is also mentally ill, with bipolar, histrionic, borderline and narcissistic personalities. In other words, she is a real STINKER! Anyway, he has completely pulled away from us as well. Basically what I have had to do, after much, much prayer, is just accept the situation for what it is, and know that it is his choice. Really that is all you can do. Once you reach that stage of acceptance, I promise you, it does get easier. Now I am not saying you won't still have bad days, but it does get better. Hugs!

Hi missing, welcome to our site. The Lord led you to a place where all of us here understand your pain and confusion. There isn't one of us that hasn't, or still do, feel like a deer in the headlights. We loved, nurtured, supported (financially and emotionally,) our precious child, only to have them turn on their heel and walk away without explanation. "What did I do?" "Why does he/she hate me?"

We're all in different places in our estrangement. I no longer ask those questions, but I clearly remember when the wound was fresh. I could barely breath, I missed my ED and grandchildren so much.

Please know that we are all here to listen, and help if we can. We pray for one another, and I will keep you in my prayers. Blessings and hugs.....

I am so glad you are here....God loves you and we care about you. Do not allow anyone to affect you enough that you want to end your life. I felt the same way until I finally realized I had to "let go and let God". It is the only way, we have completely disowned both of our EC. God does not want us to live a life like this and be in submission to evil doings toward us. Remember the Bible says this will happen in the end times. If we are to survive in this world where satan prowls around we must be strong in the Lord and the power of his might, put on the full armour of God, resist the devil and he will flee from us. This is what the Bible teaches.

If a person wants to pretend and call it "detachment" that is only fooling themselves and putting a Band-Aid on the wound.. We need to be aware of people who "use us and abuse us". It is "estrangement" and actually much worse then that in most cases I have read about..

Why do these women need to drive us away from our children? Regardless to my own situation I have witnessed others speak disrespectfully to their in laws. Something that would not have happened years ago. It seems to be happening more and more these days. Most times you don't have to have done anything to cause the estrangement. What is sad is the helplessness you feel that they have no desire to sort it out. My Son told me he is much happier without me in his life. Hard to live with I know but we must realise we also have a life to live. It isn't easy. Respect and trust has been broken by their actions. Unless they have love and a different attitude it will never work. Just being honest about it. The Lord knows our pain.

I am so sorry that you are going through this. You are not alone. Many of us understand all the emotions you’re dealing with… it’s like walking in a fog. I wish I could say, “it gets easier.” Honestly, you’ll have some good days, but until the relationship is restored, the pain remains, so meanwhile, it’s important that you don’t lock yourself in a cell and throw away the key… come here for support, reach out, cry, throw things if you have to… but know that you’re not alone and you are loved. The body of Christ is your family and we are here to lift your arms on days you’re too weary to do that for yourself.

Ephesians 6:12, exodus 14:14, Psalm 34:18…

These scriptures have been so helpful to me, to remind me of the battle we are in and that our strength will come from the Lord.

Jesus loves you and He understands the pain you feel. This is a season for you to draw closer to the Lord. Spend time in His Word.

Praying for you!

Well said Poodlegirl, we all need the encouragement to carry on day today. All of you dear friends ..one day at a time Sweet Jesus. Bless you all in this lonely walk without our children.