CHRISTIAN PARENTS of ESTRANGED ADULT CHILDREN Community Group
Estrangement makes it difficult to talk about with family, friends, neighbors and church members. Christians are NOT immune to broken families. Talk about your experiences with those who know how you feel and get positive support through your Christian faith...."In these last days difficult times will come, for men will be lovers of self...disobedient to parents,...
We all know that God loves us unconditionally. He loved us while we were yet sinners. However, I don't believe He doesn't give or allow natural consequences for our choices to behave in the wrong way just because he loves us.
I think that we can love our estranged adult children unconditionally, but there still has to be consequences for how the treat us. Actually, if we don't give consequences, that isn't really loving them.
I am on the edge about whether continuing to reach out for b-days/holidays, etc. because I feel that I am taking on the role of trying to fix and pulling all the weight of trying to make relationship happen. If I continue to do this, the what is the consequence for my EC not reaching out/responding? I know that the best consequnces are the natural consequences of life and that God gives and allows in the lives of our EC, but do I give any consequences for this estrangement?
Maybe its more of a matter of taking care of myself by stopping the hoiday/bday overtures and not so much about consequences.
How does everyone feel about unconditional love with consequences?
I think that we can love our estranged adult children unconditionally, but there still has to be consequences for how the treat us. Actually, if we don't give consequences, that isn't really loving them.
I am on the edge about whether continuing to reach out for b-days/holidays, etc. because I feel that I am taking on the role of trying to fix and pulling all the weight of trying to make relationship happen. If I continue to do this, the what is the consequence for my EC not reaching out/responding? I know that the best consequnces are the natural consequences of life and that God gives and allows in the lives of our EC, but do I give any consequences for this estrangement?
Maybe its more of a matter of taking care of myself by stopping the hoiday/bday overtures and not so much about consequences.
How does everyone feel about unconditional love with consequences?
I was not taking care of me. A child of his. I neglected myself. I tried to control or fix the situation and in the meantime I got physically and emotionally sick.
I have not walked away, but no longer will I take the abuse. I have to take care of myself so I can do what God wants me to do!
After hitting many levels of the estrangement, it comes down to, Loving her without losing me.
Great Post!
I think what God planned for our best interests is laid out in His original 'Ten Commandments' ... now one of them #4; children to honor their parents [it doesn't put an age limit on it]. If they don't God has strong things to say about those disobedient children. One message I found in the New Testament:
Hebrews 12:5-9
" ..ye have forgotten the exhortation which speaketh unto you as unto children, My son, despise not thou the chastening of the Lord, nor faint when thou art rebuked of Him: 6For whom the Lord loveth He chasteneth, and scourgeth every son whom He receiveth. 7If ye endure chastening, God dealeth with you as with sons; for what son is he whom the father chasteneth not? 8But if ye be without chastisement, whereof all are partakers, then are ye bastards, and not sons. 9Furthermore we have had fathers of our flesh which corrected us, and we gave them reverence: shall we not much rather be in subjection unto the Father of spirits, and live? "
I love Nave's Topical Bible ... you can search any topic here:
http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Hebrews+12&version=KJV
Is 'chastisement' of God similar to the consequences administered by parents ... in my view yes. If the 'child' has no consequences, he will continue in his bad behavior ... surely that's why God told us to administer corporal punishment; terrific scriptures in Proverbs that helped me keep my boys from trouble.
http://naves-topical-bible.com/
Now, in my personal life with my estranged son, I make the same parallel. I say to my son that "I will always love you no matter what you do. When you drew the line in the sand and created this estrangement that separated us, I still offered you my forgiveness. BUT, because you have chosen not to accept that forgiveness and return to the relationship God intended for us to have, there has to be a consequence to your treatment of us and your refusal to accept our forgiveness. That offer of forgiveness and reconciliation will be there until the day your father and I die. At that point there can be no more change of heart and therefore you must accept the consequences of your behavior. For me it is no inheritance.
To me it's unjustified treatment = no forgiveness = consequences = no inheritance.
"....and keep your conscience clear, so that, when you are abused, those who revile your good behavior in Christ may be put to shame. For it is better to suffer for doing right, if that should be God's will, than for doing wrong." 1 Peter 3:16-17
We did our part. We offered forgiveness. We still love our children, but we can't pretend that their choice to estrange from us is ok. Maybe the consequence will be that I will no longer be the victim in my EC's estrangement, I will simply let my EC repair the relationship.
http://www.blueletterbible.org/Bible.cfm?b=Act&c=2&t=KJV#38
In Luke 17:3 it tells us if our offending 'brother' repent we are to forgive.
http://www.blueletterbible.org/Bible.cfm?b=Luk&c=17&t=KJV#3
Acts 8:22
"Repent therefore of this thy wickedness, and pray God,
if perhaps the thought of thine heart may be forgiven thee."