I am like you in regards to what you have typed. I forgive my son. I am commanded by God to forgive or I won't be forgiven...............for it is written forgive us our tresspasses as WE forgive THOSE that trepass against us............
I will be forgiven the way I have forgiven others is what God is saying.
I do not believe that means I have to go around someone that has threatened me with physical violence and abused me with cursing.
I have the right to say to my adult son, "I love you, I forgive you, BUT you will not come near me or be in my presence until you have truly repented and turned from the way you treated me." Because if I let him back into my life unchanged, unrepentant he will do it again, for it will reinforce his feelings that he has the right to treat me this way.
It is no different that if a husband was beating his wife or cursing and verbally abusing his wife. You wonder what on earth was wrong with that woman why does she stay in that marriage? Why doesn't she get away to somewhere safe? It is no differrent and I believe we must teach others by our actions that they can NOT treat us this way.
If I allow you to slap my face and get away with it I have taught you it is o.k. to treat me this way. Protecting yourself is NOT disobeying God. Protecting yourself from verbal abuse, or physical abuse is NOT in disobedience to God.

Thank you shatteredmom, "protecting yourself is NOT disobeying God", I need to remember that.

Absolutely I wonder if God approves! I wish God would write me a letter or call me on the phone (I would gladly pay any phone charges!). I am not convinced that Jesus is walking through this with me (I am speaking of distancing from a drug/alcohol-addicted son. And because of that I wonder if I am going to be told by God some day, "You absolutely blew it - you did not trust me to get there in the thick of your son's life and "be there" for him. So what if he stole from you, so what if he has no job, no car, no license, no where to live but your couch. So what if he is gone all night and sleeps all day. so what if he lights a candle and then sleeps for 10 hours and you find that candle almost lighting the bedding. So what if he brings drug-using drug-dealing friends to your home who scope out the rooms. so what if whenever you meet him for lunch all he talks about is the misery of his life but is in total denial about the role that drugs/alcohol plays in all that. And the car he does drive (illegally), is dangerous to be on the road - and so you worry that because you asked to meet him for lunch and gets in an accident and kills somebody you are somehow morally complicit in it. So what if it takes you a week to recovery from a lunch like that. And because you stepped away from all that, I (God) had to find somebody else to "show him Christian love." But your absence from his life scarred him irreversibly. So I (God) am distancing myself from you in the same way you are distancing yourself from your son. It is only fair and only what you deserve. I have sent you signs, messages, and other people for years to get you on the right track, but you have self-centeredly justfied your cowardice."

Okay, well, I admit I am struggling now with the holidays and all. Hopefully in a couple of days I will read my post and not feel quite so out of God's favor.

NoWayOutBut the way you describe Jesus with your words is NOT the Jesus I know and love. First of all Jesus never condemned anyone. He showed compassion. Remember the woman caught in the act of adultery? I can't imagine Jesus telling you such condeming words. Also Jesus accomodated people that LOST their faith and doubting. My Sunday school taught me years ago about "Doubting Thomas". Jesus loved Thomas and showed him the scars in his body so he WOULD believe that Jesus rose from the dead. Jesus didn't condemn Thomas for his lack of faith. Remember when Peter lost his faith after walking on the water to meet Jesus? He began to sink. Did Jesus condemn him and say, "Well you blew it! You lost your faith and let him drown?" NO! Instead Jesus saved him. My Jesus would never say such harsh condemnation to you. You my dear are listening to the WRONG voice! I know of only one that condemns and brings such harsh accusations. He is known as the accuser of the brethren the Bible refers to satan as the accuser of the brethren. Do NOT let this accuser bring this to you. Tell him to go back to hell where he belongs and instead listen to Jesus instead. hugs and love to you!

There's a fine line between forgiveness and being a doormat. Sometimes people need to learn a hard lesson. If we bow down and accept this treatment from our kids they will think it's acceptable. Don't we have enough bad behavior in the world that's just being accepted? It isn't doing any of us any good. First and foremost you are MOM. With that title comes authority, life experience and it should be respected.

NoWayOut....

Deuteronomy 21:18-21 "If a man have a stubborn and rebellious son, which will not obey the voice of his father, or the voice of his mother, and that, when they have chastened him, will not hearken unto them. Then shall his father and his mother lay hold on him, and bring him out unto the elders of his city, and unto the gate of his place; and they shall say unto the elders of his city, "This our son is stubborn and rebellious, he will not obey our voice; he is a glutton, and a drunkard." And all the men of his city shall stone him with stones, that he die: so shalt thou put evil away from among you; and all Israel shall hear, and fear. "

I think that you have to look at the fact that the child was rebellious and a drunkard, not the activities of a minor child. You present you objections as if Jesus is talking directly to you in the manner that your "imagination" makes Him verbalize it to you but you do not use scripture to support the "imaginary" conversation.

Now, by using the verses in Deuteronomy I am not implying that parents have their children stoned so please do not go there. But, these verses do not suggest that parents are to endure the kind of treatment that you imply that your child is doing to you either. Does it?

GuelsMom

It may be that a person could be directed by the Holy Spirit to endure abuse for God's purposes, however I doubt that is true in most cases.
Jesus said such things as "if they persecute you in one city flee to another", ..He did not tell us to volunteer for sure martyrdom, though we must be willing to die for our faith if it come to that. So to me, the principal is there that we do not have to stick around for abuse.
We are also told not to participate in another persons sins, but to keep ourselves pure. To enable the sin of another in any way is wrong. To provide for an able bodied son who refuses to work is contrary to scripture.."if any man will not work, let him not eat"
I do believe in the concept of "tough love" or "logical consequences" and I believe God uses those methods of discipline Himself on His wayward children.

I let my son hang for 4 days without a word. In my heart, I couldnt let him just hang in Limbo, it just felt wrong. So this morning, I sent him a text & told him I loved him, & am praying for him, BUT, that I would not tolerate any more "butt chewings". I reminded him of what he said to me 8 years ago "You are a big fat loser mom, you never went to college or got out of this small town". He now denies saying that, but I can still hear those stinging words reverberate through my head. He came back with his regular nasty remarks. All I texted back was "Ok Derek, I love you". Enough said, I think. I felt SO much better after this exchange, I dont know why. I still think it's all the psycology classes he's attending.

I have charged my son with assault, I forgive him for losing his temper but their will be consequences for his actions. We are not doormats, and their is righteous indignation when you are insulted and slandered. Since the day of the assault I have asked for an apology and that if the relationship would ever be healed that he will respect me. That is a long way off. But I won't put up with abuse from anyone and I think you are teaching an extremely value lesson to your EK. I wish I had of realized this many years ago, instead of allowing him to get away with things and ultimately look what happened to me.

NoWayOut

I've known people in your situation, including good Christians. The question is always the same. How to love an adult child who does not love themself and thus is behaving in a self-destructive manner. Two books that I highly recommend - each under $20 and both written by good Christians:

1 - Boundaries, by Drs. John Townsend and Henry Cloud. Make sure you get the original, and not a spin-off "Boundaries in Marriage," "Boundaries with children," "Boundaries in dating," etc...

2 - Establishing Boundaries with Adult Children, by Allison Bottke. This is written from the perspective of a single Christian mother who made mistakes in her life, did her best to try and raise her son, only to have him estrange for drugs and other bad behavior. It is based on the Boundaries book by Townsend and Cloud, but adds a practical application to adult children who are out-of-control.