CHRISTIAN PARENTS of ESTRANGED ADULT CHILDREN Community Group

Estrangement makes it difficult to talk about with family, friends, neighbors and church members. Christians are NOT immune to broken families. Talk about your experiences with those who know how you feel and get positive support through your Christian faith...."In these last days difficult times will come, for men will be lovers of self...disobedient to parents,...

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blessedfromnc 03/30/2015

The past few years have been intensely painful. I have an adult estranged daughter in California. She will send me gifts on special occasions but tells me NOT to contact her. Her sister feels caught in the middle and I don't talk about it at all with her.(I tried once to gently ask her a question and she got very anxious and almost walked out of my home on Day). To make matters worse none of our other 3 kids (I was a widow with 2 daughters and married a man with 2 sons) ever call us or act like they care to stay in contact with us. My husband is an amazing father and his married sons won't answer his texts 75% of the time and when we do talk to them their non-caring attitude hurts us. My youngest daughter tries to be kind and loving but she never calls or seems to initiate any sort of relationship with us. We both hurt. We both pray SOOO much for our kids. We have released them to God but feel like we are constantly getting stabbed in the heart. How do you all cope with your pain and do you have any advice for me. I am tired of talking about it with relatives and friends as I don't want to drain them. Please pray for us and that God reconciles us to our children but especially to my daughter across the country in CA.
Blessings!!

Sommersmom 03/30/2015

Welcome blessed, We're all glad we can be here for you. I am fairly new to the site, and it's blessed me so much. Only those who've shared the pain of having an estranged child (EC) can truly understand. We are all believers who lean on the Lord, and share our feelings with one another in our time of pain and moments of joy.

We support one another, and pray for one another's EC, that they will seek after God, and reconcile with the families who love and miss them.

Hugs and blessings......

barbyzhere 03/30/2015

Hello blessed - welcome. You've come to the right place. We don't have any magic keys to unlock this problem, but we care about each other and pray for each other. We give us all the reassurance that we are not alone, we're not the only ones going through this. I've been on here for about 8 months and I appreciate the mothers (& fathers?) who have had encouraging words to say. The wisdom and sound advice is so necessary when we're upset and not thinking at our best. We'll be praying for you and your family.

lindajoan 03/30/2015

Dear Blessed,

Welcome here. We understand the pain of estrangement between a parent and an adult child. We gave them so much and the feeling of rejection and betrayal hurts deeply. Jesus knows our pain and went through it. We can not change our EC but God can. I like to pray that my ED ( our EC) will come to the Lord and that He will lead her back to us. The prodigal son story in the Bible is my example. Sometimes a bottom must be reached before change will take place in our EC's lives. Although, we never know what means God will use to get their attention. Our hope for reconciliation and our hope for each day is in God.

God bless you new friend. We will pray for you.

blessedfromnc 03/30/2015

Thank you so much Sommersmom! I am encouraged by the fact that others will know what I am going through. I feel like other Christians judge me because their kids are Christians and they wonder what I have done wrong. It seems to be a badge of shame or something to have a child that is not a Believer. I don't need that judgement and constantly cry out to God to show me what I have done wrong but don't really come up with anything major. I was not a perfect mother but I tried so hard to raise my girls right (with their deceased father)

blessedfromnc 03/30/2015

Thank you sooooo very much for your encouragement lindajoan and barbyzhere! Thank you also for your prayers. I am at my wits end sometimes and the dreams do not help. Most of the time I am ok. I have learned to live through this. But other times like tonight I felt so alone. Until you all replied. Now I feel loved and encouraged. Blessings and prayers for you!!

MariaStevie 03/30/2015

God is a God of reconciliation. Estrangements are not from Him. He is able to do above and beyond what we expect. Prayers and hugs.

chocolatecat 03/31/2015

blessedfromNC - when I read your story it just struck me again how self-absorbed our EC are. My heart really goes out to you. You are not alone. Most of our ECs barely acknowledge that we exist. Trying to make friends and family understand is exhausting and usually fruitless, at least for us. DH and I have 3 ECs at various degrees of estrangement over the past nearly 10 years. They seem to pride themselves on being the "opposite" of us. I don't think that a Christian heritage and upbringing should cause kids to want to be opposite so I believe it is pure rebellion even though they are adults. We just pray for ourselves that the Lord will do what it takes to bring them back to Himself. It would be an amazing feeling to have children who actually brought us joy some day. Blessings and prayers for you and your family, blessedfromNC.

savedbyhim45 04/01/2015

I have tried to switch the focus onto God first, and myself second, those who do show they care about me third. I can't and won't chase someone who doesn't have the decency to at least treat me like a human being. What would happen if you just stopped and waited it out? Place it into Gods hands , read the bible and seek out his guidance. He will show you the way. He doesn't want us to be mistreated and if you keep going like this nothing will change. Every once in awhile send a message but put most of the focus on you and your husband.

tooheartbroken 04/05/2015

I don't think we should send them any messages. Every time I've tried to send a gift, an email or any type of message and didn't get a response at all, I felt the knife in my chest all over again! We are children of the Most High God, not beggars to anybody including our children. My ED isn't robbing me of my dignity any longer even if it kills me. There's a saying.....It's better to die standing than to live on your knees. Why give them the power to devalue us any further? I feel so tired lately. It's exhausting. My husband died and she was my only child. I sacrificed myself for both of them and feel so discouraged that God didn't restore my husband or my life in general. It seems to be getting worse every year.

lindajoan 04/05/2015

Tooheart, I am sorry for your pain. May God bring you comfort. Your ED may be more angry at life than at you.

Let's pray for her to be drawn to Jesus.

savedbyhim45 04/06/2015

Holy Father, We lift up too heartbroken to you for comfort and healing. Please surround her with your strong arms and lift her up Lord. We ask that you will intervene on her behalf and send a Godly person into her daughters life to minister to her. We ask for your peace which surpasses all understanding. In the name of Jesus we pray Amen

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