You are not alone, Annabelle03. We are most definitely forever changed because of this situation… I'm still in shock that it's happening, but my eyes are opening to just what a spiritual battle it is… don't grow weary--stay encouraged, know that you are not alone and we will be praying for each other! Some days are more difficult than others… when you feel strong, encourage others, and when you feel weak, come for prayer.

Rejection goes to our very core. Nothing hurts more than rejection… but you must believe that it is a lie from the devil. God proved His love for you--he declared you lovable when he died on the cross for you. He paid the highest price and declared you precious to Him. You are not rejected by God. Satan wants us to feel unlovable and be filled with bitterness, anger, and hate…but he's a liar! Seek God's Word. Pray without ceasing. Stay encouraged. God has already won the victory--He will restore all that has been stolen. It's our job to stand in the gap and pray…pray for our children.

I've been researching prayer and fasting. I just watched a powerful youtube video by Derek Prince on fasting/prayer. It's new to me… The one thing that this estrangement has done is bring me closer to the Lord and I'm learning more. I'm praying and fasting and believing for restoration.

Glad you're here with us annabelle, and at the same time…I'm sorry that you're here with us. One day we will all rejoice together :)

Annabelle, firstly, I'm so very sorry for how you are feeling. Estrangement has to be the most, or at least one of the most, painful things a parent can ever go through.

Like you, estrangement was colouring everything in my life. I could feel no joy, no happiness. I envied others who had relationships with their children and grandchildren. I cried for hours each and every weekend (during the week I was busy and could get through without tears).

Then, I realized that this is nothing short of an attack by the enemy. It makes no logical sense. It cannot be solved by a simple phone call. Therefore, it has to have its roots in something beyond our understanding, and for me, that is the spiritual realm. Once I realized where it is coming from I began to get angry….not at my children, but at that evil being we cal the devil. I resolved that "he" would not be victorious over my life, and I decided to start reaching out to help others, to start talking about what I'm going through, to start giving my testimony in public any time I could. I still have the occasional down day (I did yesterday--spent almost the whole day in bed crying) but for the most part I'm living an active, productive, positive life.

At the end of the day, we are responsible for what we do with our lives. When we stand in front of our God, we can try to say, "but my children were so mean to me." I don't think the good Lord will buy that. I expect he will say, "but you still had your mind, you still had your hands, you still had energy, you still had the tools to reach out to others."

I want to stand in front of God at that time and say, "I was sorrowful, but found ways to help others who were in sorrow. I was hurt, but found ways to help others who were also hurting. My children were not kind to me, but wow! what You, Lord, saved me from, and forgave me for."

I will not allow that evil, bad, awful "thing" to bring me down and limit my effect in this world. He almost killed me once…. "he" is not going to get me to that point again. I WILL be victorious. God will help me, as he has to this point.

I'm not going to proof-read this, so I hope it makes some sense, and I hope I didn't ramble too much.

Thanks to both of you for your responses, and for your powerful reminders that this is a spiritual battle, and letting bitterness and discouragement take over means letting evil triumph. I appreciate both of your comments and reminders, and will keep praying (and praying for strength to not give into discouragement and despair). Thank you again for your words! I know you are right!

Until this past weekend, I was feeling so sorry for myself and all that I had lost. Then ES got very nasty and I became very determined. ES is not going to have power over me even though he controls the GC. I also saw that ES is not the son we raised and that Satan or evil has hold of him. That is when I became even more convinced to put it all into God's hands. I told some others of our struggle but they understood in their own ways. I just needed that nudge to change my attitude from "poor me" to God is my refuge and strength, a mighty help in times of trouble. There is nothing I can do but the good Lord can do it all. So I surrender all to Him. It was a big revelation to me although I know that God is our loving Father. I pray that God saves all of our EC and brings them back to us. Yes, estrangement changes us forever but there are various stages as in grief. There is a roller coaster of emotions but with God's help and us here to help you, you will make it. You are not alone. Peace be with you - we are definitely with you

Yes, I take comfort in the shelter of His wings, but then I fail and flounder, and fall back onto feeling unloved. Thanks for all of these reminders of where my thoughts should be: not on what I have lost, but on the hope I have in Jesus and the promise of life with Him both now and always. I know all these things in my mind, but sometimes easily lose sight of them, and let other thoughts crowd those promises out. Thanks for the reminders from all of you!

We are so glad that you were led here. Please remember how God sees you as His precious daughter. Estrangement is so difficult and the enemy wants to destroy us through it. He is a liar. Stand firm in God's Word which is truth. He will never fail. We are here to support you.

I completely agree with what you all said, Katesmom, Canadian. and whyonly. This is a spiritual battle and we have identified our enemy. the evil one who hates all who belong to Jesus. Annabelle, I would be lying if I didn't admit that this whole experience has made me more than a bit jaded and cautious. I'm fairly new to estrangement (going on 3 years) compared to many seasoned veterans who post on here. I so appreciate their perspectives and comforting words and have taken them to heart. I find my out look changes from month to month. Give yourself time to work through the loss and put things in their proper place. As CanadianMother said, the extreme grief does eventually give way to longer and longer periods of clarity. I hope to become a better person, as she has, in sprite of the enemy's effort to destroy me. I hope the same for you and all who find hope here on Dailystrength.

So much wisdom and lessons learned here in every post annabelle03! I agree with everything said here! I felt compelled to also add my voice to say that you are not alone in how you have reacted and how you feel. I could relate to everything you said and I am one of those veterans spoken about here also! I want to encourage you that rosearch was right and in time you will find your own path through the loss. It takes time to digest it all and then reflect on how we feel about it and how we are going to respond to it. I also grew so weary of the feeling like the Estrangement with my sons colored everything about my life at one point. I can see now that that was a positive sign for me....it was the first sign that I was ready to move on past it and "redefine" my life, to start living again, and ultimately to be who God made me to be. I did not want satan to win this battle he had waged with me personally. I decided the best way to win was to make the devil sorry he had allowed God to use this war to build me stronger spiritually. One way that I am doing that now that I don't have any children or GC in my life at this time, is that my DH and I decided to move back to our hometown to become caretakers 24/7 for my elderly parents. (my father is an alcoholic and has had a huge influence in influencing my ES, none of it good) I am absolutely sure that the last thing satan wanted was for me to be here taking care of my father at this time in his life, but it has become my mission that the more satan wages this war with my family, the more DH and I are determined to used of God because of it.
That was my answer to "redefining my life" from the Estrangement and loss of kids and GC to being a blessing somewhere else where my love and care was needed.

I can now testify after being here for 6 months with my parents and being engaged in all out war with the demon in my father...The Lord is with us still and satan has not prevailed. Most of all, I have had little time to torture myself with memories, regrets, and missing my ES and GC. Better yet, I feel like I have been given my life back again. It is full and useful and has purpose again.

Satan wants us to think our lives can never be good again, or productive, that people look at us and see failures....lies from the father of lies..."I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me"....even survive the loss of our children and make that become a blessing in someone else's life that needs what we still have to give....love!!!

May God give you strength Annabelle03 and make His face to shine upon you and give you peace with your EC situation this day!

Wow, Lostall3, you are certainly showing love under very difficult circumstances. That is Jesus's way.

Estrangement is so difficult and the enemy wants to literally destroy us in every way through it. There are rough days, for sure. I have to remember that Jesus saved us to be an Overcomer. His promise is that He will work ALL things for our good.

God help us to cling to His promises.

Oh yes, Annabelle, I have felt the cynical attitude creep up on me, also looking at others with suspicion because I've been hurt so many times in my life. I am weary today, & yesterday was not a good day for me. I just have to remind myself constantly that this is all in God's plan & for his reasons. We are only human though, our emotions sometimes get the best of us. ((hugs)) to you.

I've only been in the estrangement world for a few months, but I would like to think of it as getting wiser (through experience), but guard against bitterness.

Thanks again for all of your replies, and for your challenges and reminders to keep trusting in (and hoping in) God's plan, even in the midst of these earthly troubles.

Yes, the estrangement has caused me to doubt myself and be suspicious of people's intent. But, like everyone else here I realize this is a trick from the devil, and I realize we don't fight against flesh and blood but spiritual wickedness in high places. And I choose to be positive and not let the devil control me. Let your light shine. Satan wants to put it out.

I think I may have given the wrong impression in my above post in regard to Annabelle's question of "does anyone else feel cynical" here, so wanted to clarify....I also do feel cynical but worse yet, I am so guarded and do not trust at all now those who have any history at all with me of betraying my trust. I have gone from the most "gullible, blindly trusting" person to "if you get over the wall around me, I "might" give you a chance to earn my trust, but you are never going to get it all...only DH gets that space in my heart now and if the Lord takes him first, I will not be long behind him as he is now the only person I care to live here in this miserably evil world with these days!! I don't think that sounds very loving or Christlike, so I can't let you all think that of me!

My point is that none of us here will ever be the same person we were again, nor will the world ever look the same to any of us. We're all savy enough now to know that what we thought could never happen to us....HAS! And so we will remain I believe, cynical, guarded, and distrustful to some degree the rest of our time here, but those feelings just as the Estrangement do not have to define us if we don't want them to. We still have lives to live and a purpose here from God to accomplish. Like the vets coming home from the middle east, we're shot full of holes and some of us blown apart with missing parts, but if we persevere we can put on an artificial limb or retrain ourselves to adapt to our injuries and still be useful to God somehow while we remain here, even with our emotional disabilities...That was the encouragement I wanted to impart to Annabelle.

My above response in how I handled letting the "estrangement" not define me anymore after years and years of it being the "theme" of my life I think made it sound like I was in a better place with my attitude towards others. When more to the point, my caretaking here of my parents has given my life a purpose that it's lacked without my ES and GC to love and be involved with at this stage in my life. Caretaker is not as wonderful a place as Grandmother or mother, but at least I don't feel so "cynical" about myself as I did now that I am here with them, and I think I am at least making progress in healing a bit in the "not being defined" by Estrangement area of my life but I got a long way to go in the "attitude" area of my life for sure!

I too have been affected in the sense that I have a wall around me. I remarried almost 2 years ago and I'm having difficulty getting close to my husband's children and his grandchildren. I am terrified that they will also decide to shut me out and I'll be hurt all over again. I'm missing out, not only on a relationship with my own children and grandchildren, but now also a relationship with my step children and grandchildren.