CHRISTIAN PARENTS of ESTRANGED ADULT CHILDREN Community Group

Estrangement makes it difficult to talk about with family, friends, neighbors and church members. Christians are NOT immune to broken families. Talk about your experiences with those who know how you feel and get positive support through your Christian faith...."In these last days difficult times will come, for men will be lovers of self...disobedient to parents,...

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edr1961 10/29/2014

Long story short,son and dil lost home to fire they are getting things together offered meals,place to wash clothes,son came one time.Long before fire son and dil asked to borrow $3,300.00 we agreed to as ong as they paid back when dil recieved a sum of money that was due to her and they said yes.Well they are doing very good financially thank God better than before fire.So yesterday they had to go to attorney to sign papers for her money,she said nothing to us bout our money the only thing she said "I am getting $20,500.00 and getting car for $19,000" That didnt sit to well with us.My dh and i talked after they left andfelt used again so i called my son and told him"what happened to the money they owed us"first time we kind of stood up for ourselves and i felt pretty good about it they now know we are not going to be a push over.Dil has not contacted us so i wonder ifshe is upset withus,i told dh i felt guilty but dil didnt care to spend it on a car and she doesnt even have a roof overher head,where is the priorty in the young people.Our son seems fine with what we said but do you all think i did the right thing by asking for my money?

Norske1 10/29/2014

Absolutely you did the right thing.

edr1961 10/29/2014

And to betruthful they have recieved so much money from us in the past 4 yrs its unbelivable i am ashamedto even say it but i am going to be honest maybe i will feel better if i vent they have recieved from us over $30,000.00 from us so any amount of money they hand to us is not given it is owed.We feel stupid now we furnished there whole house from bedroom sets,washer dryer,living room,mortage payments,money for her childrens clothes,car repaires,i can go on,on,food,christmas money to buy gifts oh boy are we stupid.WE helped till it hurt our relationship.I am glad you think i did the right thing thanks.This maybe a new start for us

whyonlychild 10/29/2014

Our son came to us for money after we told him no more. He has a good job now and if he manages his money, should have sufficient funds. Instead of using his money for his needs, he spends it first on his wants and thinks we should help with the needs. He asked, we said no and that started this strange estrangement. The love of money is the root of all evil. We, too, have given him so much money making car payments, rent payments, etc, etc. Instead of being grateful our EC feel entitled.

You certainly did do the right thing. Stop feeling guilty. At some point you have to take a stance. You already have gone way above and beyond. Our EC feel entitled and not grateful.

nana58 10/29/2014

I believe you did the right thing. According to the numbers there wasn't a plan to repay you.

lindajoan 10/30/2014

I believe yiu did the right thing. When a large purchase was being made it was the perfect time to ask their intention to pay you.

edr1961 10/30/2014

You know something you all have given me confidence and i did do the right thing.And what really made meupset was when his home caught fire our son invited us to go in, it was the first time in i coulnt tell how long we werenever invited.And i saw everything we bought burned,and how the things werenot tookcare of .I told my dh you can see beyond the soot,ashes it was a hot mess.And it broke my heart i am thankful no one was hurt. clothes piled up,toys still in boxes that gs never played with,never seen such a mess,I always felt bad to ask for money back due to son is only one working but they opened up our eyes.

sallyannlass 10/30/2014

You did the right thing. I have to tell you, edr1961, that I envy you sometimes and maybe many on this site do too. Not because of your problems and your son's problems but because as tenuous and hurtful your relationship is with your son and DIL, you have a relationship. Funny as it sounds, I would be thankful if I was discussing problems with my ES instead of accepting that my ES may never again make a connection to us. Blessings

gordos4 10/30/2014

Wow. Yes, you did the right thing! Young people now a days have such a feeling of entitlement. It's unbelievable. Too bad you didn't have them sign papers saying they would pay the money back. Im sorry you are having to go through this..it is painful when you realize your own flesh & blood are so willing to betray you. ((hug))

deleted_user 10/30/2014

Edr, the Bible is very clear that when we don't pay our debts we put financial curses on ourselves. The Bible also says we are to hold others accountable when they trespass against us. Then there is the subject of "enabling" dysfunctional/sinful behavior...so many things to ponder and consider about your situation....may the Holy Spirit guide you into all wisdom and discernment regarding this situation, in Jesus Name Amen!!

wearyofitall 10/30/2014

You did the right thing. However, as my husband and I have learned the hard way, we need to be able to say it when the "event" happens instead of thinking about it. My DH and I feel we lost a lot of credibility with our EC by not standing up for ourselves when something occurred such as not returning things, money, or given abuse to us. It is only a few days later that we graveled over it and finally made a call. Now we say what is on our mind when it is on our mind. There is nothing to loose. Good for you for being bold enough to call back,

deleted_user 10/30/2014

100% did the right thing.

edr1961 10/31/2014

I am thankful to have what little relationship with my son its very strained,nervous,uncomfortable,and when they call they want,need something.My Dil has not worked for 2 yrs due to car accident and she is sue/happy.The money she recieved is settlement,she has applied for ssdi and its been 2yrs since application and when she is approved she will recieve $30,000 back pay,and she has another lawsuit pending due to her accident.And they were going to fix there home up with that,but then the house fire happenend she has all of that money clear.Up till the fire we have given from our heart except for the amount we asked to be paid back and she wasnt going to pay me back until i said something.Please tell me if i shoulnt expect a little money back for what we have given to them,cause i know if i dont take it someone else will that has not helped.Am i wrong

lindajoan 10/31/2014

I believe you did. Our EC need to be accountable. This is God's way.

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