I can relate to this. My children have relatively good relationships with my siblings and my father. Yes, it hurts a great deal when I hear they got together and I was not invited. The whole thing makes no sense whatsoever. I made a decision to delete my regular Facebook account and created a new one with only a few friends who have no connection with my children. I did add one sister but am considering removing her from the list. It seems childish or something, but I figure why should I let her into my world when I'm not allowed into theirs?

It kinda feels like you is being 'culled from the herd', and isolated, while they all have these fabulous times together, which they simply MUST let you know about.

And if you say anything re: how this hurts, they tend to come back with, "Well, I though you'd want to know how ED is doing!", thereby making you kind of deserving of the estrangement because obviously you don't really care about ED. Good grief!

Removing these good folk from facebook helped. I don't have to worry about the little stabbies one get when one reads about dinners together, trips together, etc. But then this makes ME seem vindictive in their eyes, furthering claims of ED. It never seems to end.

Yes, I understand, EJMA. At the end of the day, you are only responsible to God. You are not responsible to them.

I was thinking about this on my walk just now. I'm wondering if maybe this is God's way of freeing me to be myself, and do what I feel He is leading me to do. In some ways it's sort of liberating.

When our ES and DIL treated us to badly, his aunt and cousins tried to talk with him and he treated them badly as well. So he has no blood family who are happy with what he did.

Our ED gave up all family including 4 generations. Talk about making no sense. Once in a while a friend of mine will see our ED and want to give me a report. If they tell me how wonderful she says her life is then I feel badly. I can understand how you would feel hurt hearing about plans that you were excluded from. I personally feel that anyone who does this is either being insensitive or just does not understand how deeply estrangement hurts. I have found most people can not relate. That makes me not want to discuss things with them at all. Thank God for this place.

This is one of our toughest issues. Everyone loves to tell us how wonderful they think our EC are doing after talking to them or spending time with them. When we contradict that with facts that the EC haven't told them then we just sound "negative" and not hopeful about the kids. Realistic and honest is how we view it.

We just ran into an issue last week. We told a relative some info about our ED, we also told them that it will be in our ED's best interest if she takes responsibility and takes care of the problem herself. It is a $ issue and has been one of her biggest issues of weakness. Well, we just heard from a third party that this relative took care of our ED's $ problem in spite of what we said, and of course, they never told us. Our ED has a reputation for being a mooch and freeloader and now it was just reinforced to her one more time. Meanwhile, I learned my lesson, one more time, not to trust this relative. I don't know why I keep on doing that! Guess I wish I could just trust somebody.

I don't think I can be of much help on this one because my DH and I are the only ones left in our immediate family, except for a niece and nephew that I rarely see due to distance, and our ES's wife cutting them out of their wedding so they have not bothered with him since.

The only thing I can suggest is that when someone is doing something like your relatives are doing to you, sometimes it is out of lack of thinking things through. If you think this is what is going on, then you can explain to them that this is a private family issue that should be kept that way so that it does not drag others who do not know the whole story from having to take sides and create more dissension.

If after that, they continue to send you "stabbies" then you can simply tell them that, unless it is of a serious nature, like health, then you will not discuss ANYTHING about your ED with anyone other than your ED herself and that you would appreciate their co-operation and not inform you of things that are of no importance to you. After that, I would respectfully avoid them by distancing yourself and find family members that will respect it. That is really all you can do.

"unless it is of a serious nature, like health, then you will not discuss ANYTHING about your ED with anyone other than your ED herself"

This is excellent advice. I've not yet been proactive like this, and I think it is time to do so. I've made peace for the most part, as much as one can re: my ED, but this sort of stuff just puts me right back in the 'hurting' place, and I've spent enough time there already.

Thank you all!