Just my 2 cents worth, as my daughter has been/is an addict too. I wouldnt sent cash. Maybe a giftcard to a restraunt? Or just a card. I gave my daughter a Christmas gift (very inexpensive). She gave me nothing and she is working and I am unemployed. but it isnt about gifts.......I've seen some changes, some softening in her attitude. So I want to keep the door open. We had a nice christmas dinner, which is rather a miracle. Not perfect, but nice.

sending her a card.

Hi Jackie! SO GOOD to hear from you again! Been wondering how things were going for you! I'm glad that your daughter is now communicating with you and calling occasionally. The thing that concerns about her calling is due to her lifestyle and addictions. I hope I am not being too suspicious but is she calling because you are sending her money that she is using for her drug addiction? I guess I suspicious because of the hope that you had before only to travel to visit her and there was a no-show. (If I remember correctly.)
If the money stopped, do you think the calls would stop too? I hope for your sake she is calling because she loves you and wants nothing more than to talk to you.

As far as sending cards go, I still think that each situation is different and it is not a right or wrong thing. It's sending a card with the expectations of it generating something in return that I don't think is appropriate. I know you love your daughter and you just want her to know it. That is never a wrong thing if that is all that is intended. It is not childish to try and figure out what is appropriate and what isn't. We're all in a quandary about stuff like that.

If you are concerned about her using money for drug, why not send a gift card to a restaurant like broken said above?

(Oops! ...scratch "sending her a card" at the top )

It really isn't about getting back gifts when we choose to give a gift. That's why its a gift, not a loan or anything with a condition attached to it. Broken, I do believe hearts are softened by our kind actions and God can soften hearts by our prayers too.

When someone is battling addiction, practical gifts are better than money. If we choose to keep a loving attitude towards our estranged children along with healthy boundaries and prayer, things can turn around.

LIfe,
To answer your question if its too much to ask for a card from the 22 yo and the answer is YES! I don't know too many 22 year olds that send cards. Only texts, emails, Facebook and twitter! That is as close as they get now to sending a card.

I know that it would be awesome to receive from our kids but to me they just don't understand the importance of reciprocating. So be careful when you send something in hopes of receiving the same thing back. Good friends and loving family members know the protocol.

Addiction is a tough one. You have to be strong in order not to be an enabler in any way. I hope your getting some support for yourself in order not to be manipulated. The one thing addicts know how to do very well.

Thanks for sharing with us. We will be here for ya! Hang in there.

Pearl

My suggestion is just to keep it simple. I would send her a nice card just letting her know you remember it is her birthday--add a nice note that you love her and miss her. That way you haven't ignored her birthday, but you aren't going against your intuition or instincts by sending her something you don't feel like you should. I always try to listen to my gut feeling--and you seem to have a gut feeling that sending her money or a gift isn't the best thing to do right now.

I agree with Pearl, addicts are master manipulators so just be creative about ways to bless her without sending money. You could just send a loving card or voucher for a store maybe. I think it is great that she is talking to you now but be strong and you need to take control of the contact you do have.
I hope it goes well.

Hi again Jackie! Just to have you clarify something please. I think I missed something important in your topic as I was re-reading it this morning. You say your daughter is on Soboxone; a drug to help people who us opioids to keep from using them. From what I read, the person CANNOT be taking opiods while on this Soboxone medication. Is that correct?

I think I might have falsely jumped to the wrong conclusion when you said, "she is however still living a wild lifestyle." I assumbed that she was on the Soboxone "hoping" it would help her to get off while still being able to take opioids - which is what many unfortunately do.

I truly hope that I mis-understood this because it is a huge difference if she is off the opioids and is seeking treatment. This would be a great start for you both. If this is the case, she needs support, encouragement and prayers - from you as well as us.

If that be the case, because she is still living a wild lifestyle, I would still not send money until I saw a complete turnaround of both what she is addicted to and her lifestyle as it is now.

Now matter what, she will still be in my prayers.

Thank you so much for your responses! Emily is not currently using...she is on Soboxone which is a drug that keeps her from using opioids, whch was what she was using. I think that she is drinking although I'm not absolutely sure. She has a good job for a marketing company that is trying to sell pre-packaged foods...kind of like weight watchers....to Krogers. I guess I made her sound worse than what she is but please keep her in your prayers because I can tell from some photos that she is still "partying." I think I'll just send a card though. Pearl55 you really hit the nail on the head...that's the world we live in now with teens and young adults. I just had to be reminded! GruelsMom...need to message you today...thinking about starting a website for Rheumatoid Arthritis....Thanks!!!

Life....thank you for the clarification and I'm sorry I misunderstood it. :-(

Will be glad to help you with that website.

Hugs and prayers to you and DD!

Amen to all the above. It does sound hopeful that she is in contact. I would be thrilled if my 33 year old ES would do anything to a knowledge me. As said above. I do feel you need to proceed with caution. If you send just the card, her response or la k of it will tell you much about her reasons and motives if there are any. I wish you the very best and lots of happiness. Prayers and hugs

Amen to all the above. It does sound hopeful that she is in contact. I would be thrilled if my 33 year old ES would do anything to a knowledge me. As said above. I do feel you need to proceed with caution. If you send just the card, her response or la k of it will tell you much about her reasons and motives if there are any. I wish you the very best and lots of happiness. Prayers and hugs