By loving us and sending his Son to die for us. You may have some very valid thoughts here. Isn't the mother to blame for everything wrong in the world? Isn't it easier to blame us than to really look deep and hard into their problem. I am very impressed with this explanation of estrangement. Perhaps they are in a great deal of pain. But, if they won't even talk to us or read our e-mail or want nothing to do with us how can we possibly help? If they don't want our help then they need to get professional help which I don't see happening in my case. All we can do is pray that God will love our child and show him/her the way back home - back to the light.

Thank you ersloveu. We all have insights as we go through this estrangement, especially when we seek God's wisdom.

Yes. That is what God did. While we were yet lost sinners, God loved us and sent His only Son to die for us so that we could be reconciled to Him. I really think that our EC's estrangement is a spiritual condition more complex than just being about us.

So what can we do if they won't talk to us, read our email or want nothing to do with us? As Christians, we do what God has done for us, we love them even while they are still lost. We pray for them. We reach out to them when God tells us to, no matter what their reaction or lack thereof. We wait on God and on His perfect timing. We trust that God will fulfill His promises.

I wanted to add that we will not be able to change our adult children or "save" them from being lost. That only God can do. We are called to love them and pray for them.

Maria, Your post makes good sense. We can look at it in that manner. Our EC's may be coming from a place of hurt and pain.

I would like to add to that. To me the estrangement is not only the disconnection that they choose, but also a road for us to take in order to be shaped and molded. Maybe God wants us to learn more about ourselves. Our weaknesses, our strengths, our "letting go and letting God." To me its a process that engulfs our very being.

We learn about offenses, hurting back because we hurt and then repenting, feeling lost and finding our way back. The stages of panic that arises when calls, emails, or texts are left unanswered from our EC's. We begin the journey of really trusting God and learning who we are. In the meantime, I believe HE wants us to learn how to regain that joy during pain and still be functional, responsible, dependable, and so on.

Its not a journey for the weak, but if we are, the weak get strong, the offenses roll off our backs, we can look back at the joy they gave us, and thanking God for making it possible to have His creation.

Its all the above and more! We will come out victorious in whatever facet God sees fit individually. He will supply Joy unspeakable and a day of rejoicing when He intervenes in ways we do not understand.

Thought provoking post Maria. Thank you for diving in a little deeper!

Pearl

Pearl, I do believe that God is always teaching us things through the many trials he allows in our lives. He is refining us and growing us. In the natural, it is our nature to get angry and hurt back when someone hurts us or to shun them when they shun us. In the spiritual, we know that the battle we fight is a spritual battle that can only be won by faith, hope and love.

Blessings.

Amen sister Maria!

MariaStevie, it's funny that you should write about the idea that it's not necessarily about us, because that's the idea that my new friend from Church told me she wanted me to "takeaway" from our lengthy phone conversation on Tues. nite. She kept repeating "it's not about us, it's about them" (she has an ES for about 4-5 years now). I get myself so caught up in trying to interpret my ED's thoughts, feelings, actions, that I drive myself crazy with grief, guilt, and even anger. And when all is said and done, all I've really done is meaningless. God knows her heart and mine. He knows our deepest agonies, shame, angers, and longings. I'm just going to have to step back and let God do His thing. I keep reaching a point on this roller coaster where I think I'm heading towards acceptance - but not of God's plan but my own! I'm so sure that my ED does not want me in her life on any kind of worthwhile basis that I'm just trying to write her out of my heart. Instead, I need to keep my love for her alive in prayer and accept that God will take it from here....to places unknown at present.

It isn't about us O&O. We are all responsible for our own behaviors and choices. We can't fix what doesn't belong to us.

We can still love them, just not their behaviors. We love them best when we love ourselves too and when we trust God.

You are so right, MariaStevie. The more I trust the Lord, the more I can experience "true love".