CHRISTIAN PARENTS of ESTRANGED ADULT CHILDREN Community Group

Estrangement makes it difficult to talk about with family, friends, neighbors and church members. Christians are NOT immune to broken families. Talk about your experiences with those who know how you feel and get positive support through your Christian faith...."In these last days difficult times will come, for men will be lovers of self...disobedient to parents,...

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poodlegirl61 12/26/2015

No, I didn't come up with that on my own. Theodore Roosevelt actually did, but I find it as applicable today as when he coined that phrase. And I think it really particularly applies to us. Maybe even moreso, now that we have the age of social media and Facebook. It is so hard to scroll through that and see all the pictures of the perfect families lined up in rows in front of their Christmas trees. Or to see them all lined up on the slopes on their Christmas skiing trips. Or to see them holding all of their grandchildren with the slogan "Everyone's home for Christmas" and you are left knowing yours are NOT all home for Christmas and may never be. I have blocked my ES and DIL on Facebook for obvious reasons (the pain and torture they would inflict was way too brutal) but I do still have my account mostly to keep in touch with cousins and remote family members. Anyway, my point in all of this is this: I will be feeling really pretty upbeat and happy until I compare myself to someone else. Then I perceive they are so much better off and I come crashing down. Let's all try to remember not to do this, and to concentrate on our Savior and how much he loves us and not compare ourselves to anyone else. Even though Teddy Roosevelt's words are not scripture and are not found in the Bible, I almost think they could be. And so I will add to that something that IS in the Bible. Whenever I start feeling down on myself and that my life isn't as good as someone else's (on Facebook or wherever) I can remember Teddy's words, and then add "Submit to God. Resist the Devil and he will flee." Because I do think Satan is the one who gives me those bad thoughts in the first place. God bless you all.

lindajoan 12/26/2015

Poodle this is an excellent post. It really is scriptural thinking. I often lately see most people are going through some heartache in their life. No one is living the perfect life. We still have much to be grateful for to God.

missingourson 12/26/2015

I totally agree with you. Since this is our first Christmas without our only son and grandchildren, it seems extremely painful but I don't think it will get any better. We are being held hostage. Either we give gifts and they come and visit or no gifts,, no visit. My DH is adamant that we not do this since this is a continuing cycle for them. Do what they want and we have a couple of weeks of peace, don't do it and things get even uglier. DH is done with all of this. My head knows he is right but my heart so desperately wants to give in so we can see the GC. As you say, it hurts so much to see all the "perfect families" in all of their wonderful pictures and that brings waves of heart break. Of course we will never have any contact if we don't adhere to their wishes and I'm sure GC are being brain washed that we don't love them. Yes, I feel there are times God tells us not to be enablers and I guess I know that is what is happening here. Wishing all of us Peace of Earth, Good Will to All Men. But more than anything, I pray for peace for each of us to put God first and not let the evil one lead us.

Sommersmom 12/26/2015

It is really difficult knowing our EC are telling our grandchildren that we don't love or care about them, simply because we refuse to be continually hurt and used by our EC. I think that pain stings the worst. Our EC are innocent, and being led astray by parents who are selfish and dishonest.

Poodle, thankyou for your post. God is gracious, and loves us all more than we could ever know. I pray so hard whenever I'm feeling insecure or down about my GC, that I will remember to praise God first above anyone and anything.

Sommersmom 12/26/2015

Sorry. I meant "our GC are innocent." Our EC's not so much!! :)

MountainGirl56 12/26/2015

Excellent post - so, so true. We can also be sure that not all is as it seems to us in many of those posts and photos, when so many are carrying their silent crosses, heartbreaks, dealing with hopelessness or grief and are barely holding themselves together for the sake of everyone else, because that is the the reality of the human condition. It's like going about your business in the world, or going to church, all the while your heart is breaking or your world is turned upside down, and yet, when asked how we are, we give the standard answer, "fine, thank you.". We all put on false fronts to face the world, while only a few, if any, really knows what's going on behind the masks we wear.

bella479 12/26/2015

Oh my goodness.....A lot of people only wish their 'family times' were perfect....so fake. People always put on this 'pretend' face and I am silently studying them wondering "yep, everything is fine keep walking on the eggshells and eating the under table crumbs". If I have learned anything in this 64 yrs on the earth is that things are not always what it seems. Sad to say a lot of people love to play the "pretend" game. God has given me a keen sense of being able to discern many things. May sound crazy to some but it is just something I have lived with for many yrs. and it is REAL believe me.

When our ED was in kindergarten...one Mother's Day week they sang this little song while holding up these little signs covering their faces. I have never, ever forgotten it. It went like this, "who's behind this false face, nobody knows but me, I won't tell you, you will have to guess, if your guess is right I will answer YES ! (not sure what message the teacher wanted to portray to the parents and what it had to do with Mother's Day)

Over the years I have thought about that little song many times and how it pertains to so many people these days. I am pretty black and white, if someone asks me about our EC they will get the truth and probably a whole lot more....=) Besides I have nothing to hide or be ashamed of....the EC do, it is their choice not mine how they behave and one day they can stand before God with all their excuses.

faith304 12/27/2015

I applaud this POST! Very true. After reading all of this, my memory took me back several years. This person was married, with a son and daughter. To the natural eye, they presented themselves as the "perfect family". They seemed to have it all, big home, expensive cars, success, happiness, etc. and their children seemed to be everything we all dream our children to be. To be honest, I would have to admit now, I was a bit jealous. They were everything I dreamed my life would be. I had visited them about 2 days before they phoned me. They wanted me to hear the news from them and not through the "grapevine" that they were divorcing. Instantly, I thought, this must be a joke recalling the recent visit how cordial, polite they had been not only to me, but to each other. Not knowing what to say, but knowing I had to say something... I said, " Oh, you probably just had a heated argument, but I am sure it will pass and everything will be fine." Quickly he answered, "No, the divorce will be final in 2 weeks and the house has been on the market for some time."
I completely understand about fake smiles, masks, etc. and don't forget the saying, "You never know what goes on behind closed doors."
Lesson learned early in life for me and it is one that has stuck with me. Yep, I can spot a counterfeit a mile away.

dmw56 01/08/2016

Since first reading this post, I have been thinking a lot about comparison. I think I may have been not only comparing my family to others, but I think I have been comparing my role as a parent with the role of a friend. It has been good food for thought and thanks so much for offering this quote. I really thought I would have a close relationship with all my children into adulthood, but that is not always the way it is. A sermon on Mother's Day, a couple years ago, about Moses mother Jochebed, did help me see that a lot of Mothers in the Bible probably had a hard time letting go of what they thought their life and relationships would be like. This quote of losing joy through comparison kind of brought it all together for me. Thanks again for posting it!

edr1961 01/08/2016

All I ever wanted was to have my children come to visit with there families,have a dinner at my home,and then have dinner at there home nothing big even pizza.See my gc give me hugs,and see them often even stay all night.And the thought of the children being there if we need something,and for us to help if they need us also.Wanted to be loved,and enjoy my family instead of the abuse they have inflicked on us in our aging years.And not knowing what is ahead is frightening.It has been 2 wks since any our son has spoke,he blocked our numbers,and texted so I called his job and he was very hateful but I didn't let him talk over me,I said"all I want to know will he/dil let us see our grandson" he told " no not for a long while" I told him" that's all I want to know you let us know when",he said" good by and thank you".now I know where we stand and I won't be any longer as they say the ball is in there court.I am still upset,emotional,hurt,but give it to God,let him handle this I have done all I can do.

lindajoan 01/08/2016

I agree with you edr. It is in God's hands. May God bless you with His peace. God will answer prayer in His timing.

edr1961 01/08/2016

Linda you have such kind words,and you seem at peace,I hope someday and pray someday I can move on, my dh and I are so mentally exhausted,thank you from bottom of my heart

lindajoan 01/08/2016

edr, I truly know what you mean that estrangement is mentally exhausting. It is physically tiring too. Isn't it? Let's pray that our EC return to God or come to know Him and His ways. I believe this is the best way for a reconciliation to work out. We will hope in the Lord

katesmom95 01/09/2016

For we dare not make ourselves of the number, or compare ourselves with some that commend themselves: but they measuring themselves by themselves, and comparing themselves among themselves, are not wise.
2 Corinthians 10:12...

It is not wise for us to compare ourselves to anyone but rather to strive to be more Christlike.

When I slip into a comparison time, I refer to myself as suffering from comparisonitis.... nothing good ever comes from it, and I never know what I'm actually comparing myself to because no one can know what secretly goes on in someone's home, heart, or head, except for God Himself.

We have to rest in God's peace... and as linda just said, "God will answer prayer in His timing."

Sending hugs and prayer to all of you this morning! Stay strong and remain hopeful ladies. We have a reason for our Hope.

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