I personally had to move to get away from the abuse. I went to my hometown where I lived prior to marrying the man who caused the majority of my pain. I wish I had left sooner to be honest with you. There is no right or wrong way to handle these relationships. You have to do what i best for YOU. Someone once told me that my children were lent to me by God for a time. My time was shorter than most people's time with their children. But in the end, they are God's children. And whether or not they are in our lives, we have to take care of ourselves.

I agree with you. Our children were on loan to us by God and God wants us to be happy and healthy, not living in depression and pain because of what these EC are doing. We do need to take care of ourselves.

That's why I have felt so good since taking the advice to "detach" right now from my ES and DIL. I feel freedom from tears, from heartache and from feeling worthless. I am not worthless; I have a lot to do with the rest of my life. My DH and I are making so many friends here in our new church and neighborhood and we don't need to be victims any longer of the pain of estrangement.

Ever since I detached and closed the door, my life has improved for the better, I stopped crying and being upset as much, I've resigned myself to the fact my ED has tossed me on the junk heap forever, and I have moved on with my life with God's divine strength. I had blocked her on Facebook for about 5 weeks because of her not communicating with me and keeping her third pregnancy a big secret, never bothering to tell me or share the day baby granddaughter #3 was born this past late February. I recently unblocked her and soon discovered she has officially un-friended me which proves how she really feels about me. It is only confirmation that it's over for us. Sadly, I don't even care anymore. It's not worth it and I'm not allowing someone, not even a family member to ruin the remainder of my life because of her rotten attitude and self-serving choice. She will forever be her daddy-o's girl! If God wills for us to ever reconcile in the future, I honestly will feel like a stranger never trusting her again. The scars go deep and will never leave. She is my only daughter and her three daughters are my only grandchildren. I've been royally cheated. I keep thinking some day God will reward me in Heaven with His babies and children to enjoy who either were aborted or died early in life to make up for what I never had here on earth. Do any of the rest of you feel that way? Also thinking about things, I need to see an attorney in the near future to write my will as I need to make specific plans. ED will be a downright loser! She has much to lose, may be even her eternity in Heaven. I still love her and am praying for her, but she has cut me out of the picture and I am no more.

abandonedor... I have felt wonderful since I read on this site about "detaching". It feels so good; like I am free. I still pray daily for my ES and DIL but I live my days enjoying life again.

Definitely see an attorney. When it was obvious that my ES was not planning to have us in their lives again, that is the first thing we did - made a new will. I worked in a law firm so I learned a lot. Our will specifically leaves everything to our good son and if he isn't alive, we made specific provisions as to where our money, if we have any then, will go.

We have a single paragraph that reads: I specifically leave nothing to my son, [ES].

Won't his nasty wife be suprised? In my case, she is the cause of all this estrangement, but he allows her to demand he has no contact with his family, so it is his fault also.

Protect yourself.

Thanks for your good sound advice Norske1! You are absolutely right in the one legal clause about intentionally leaving NOTHING to your ES. That will definitely be included in my will. However, what happens if this will is completed and later on perhaps my ED reconciles back to me? Can the will be re-phrased with deletions or what?

**We really need to have a topic of discussion on this important legal will matter! Would you mind starting it since you've had experience working in a law firm? I have something to contribute to it. However, we need to stay with this topic gma6 shared here as she needs our reply and support. Thanks Norske1!

I made the same decision and I only regret not making it sooner. I'm still sad and think about my DS a lot, but I no longer expect that anything will change, hoping that he will remember who I was to him until he got married. I allowed him, his wife and her mother to treat me like a piece of garbage because I didn't want to lose him. Then one day I said enough is enough, I have done nothing to deserve this. I feel a lot better since then. Just remember, what goes around, comes around.

Gma6 - I'm so sorry for your pain. It is a very difficult place to be when you finally decide that you do not want a relationship with your EK any longer. For me I believe that my ES is lost forever because he is not the person he used to be. Unfortunately, external forces sometimes play a huge role on our EK (marriage, etc). They lose track of who they are and become someone who is cruel, unloving and unkind. Hoping that you find some peace. Hugs to you!