CHRISTIAN PARENTS of ESTRANGED ADULT CHILDREN Community Group
Estrangement makes it difficult to talk about with family, friends, neighbors and church members. Christians are NOT immune to broken families. Talk about your experiences with those who know how you feel and get positive support through your Christian faith...."In these last days difficult times will come, for men will be lovers of self...disobedient to parents,...
A week ago Our oldest ED came back in our life for the second time. She contacted her Dad saying how much she missed him. After a few phone calls, we drove from Louisiana to Florida yesterday. She is a beautician and is the only one that cuts my hair correctly.
Everything went fine with the 1 1/2 hour beauty parlor contact. I've always tipped her a great deal since I know how hard she struggles financially. Then we took her to lunch.
Before our meal came I had a talk with her. I looked into her eyes and told her how much I loved her. I asked her, please .... If in the future there were any problems with anything that myself or her dad said or did to speak with us about it and not just block us out of her life's. I told her how much it hurt me and I was getting too old to handle things like that. I also told her that when she, her sister and her daughter all choose to have nothing to do with us it was like my whole family died. I told her again how much we love her and want her in our life.
She looked into my eyes the entire time I talked, eyes blinking at a face pace and teary eyed. She didn't say yay or nay. The meal went fine ..... Normal conversation. We walked her back to work and exchanged hugs and kisses.
I texted her when we left Florida and when we returned home. My husband and I have both called her and left messages with no return calls.
I know she was having phone problems, but I am a wreck. Is this truly an issue with the phone or did I do wrong and create Chapter 3? I am getting my self sick, again!
Please pray with me that she returns our calls......
Everything went fine with the 1 1/2 hour beauty parlor contact. I've always tipped her a great deal since I know how hard she struggles financially. Then we took her to lunch.
Before our meal came I had a talk with her. I looked into her eyes and told her how much I loved her. I asked her, please .... If in the future there were any problems with anything that myself or her dad said or did to speak with us about it and not just block us out of her life's. I told her how much it hurt me and I was getting too old to handle things like that. I also told her that when she, her sister and her daughter all choose to have nothing to do with us it was like my whole family died. I told her again how much we love her and want her in our life.
She looked into my eyes the entire time I talked, eyes blinking at a face pace and teary eyed. She didn't say yay or nay. The meal went fine ..... Normal conversation. We walked her back to work and exchanged hugs and kisses.
I texted her when we left Florida and when we returned home. My husband and I have both called her and left messages with no return calls.
I know she was having phone problems, but I am a wreck. Is this truly an issue with the phone or did I do wrong and create Chapter 3? I am getting my self sick, again!
Please pray with me that she returns our calls......
I say that because that is what I am being told about my ES. He came to my DH's surgery, sat with family, brought his family the next day, called or texted each day but once DH was released and home again, we haven't heard a word from him, no calls or texts. In fact, he is on vacation with wife's family.
So everyone is telling me give him time. Not sure why us parents have to give "them" time - when does it happen that we parents have to walk on eggshells.
Praying for all of us - God is in control. I am going to wait for our ES to contact us and that is my advice to you also, hard as it is.
My experience with young people today is that they are so "wrapped" up in their own lives, that they forget their parents..at least seem to put us on the back burner. We aren't the first people they will call anymore when they need to talk or need advice. It used to be so different years ago..when adult children would rely on their parent's wisdom and ask them for advice a lot more. Today's youth tend to think that they know more than we do, or at least they don't acknowledge the life skills we've acquired over the years.
kathy..thank you for sharing your experience with your oldest ED. At least you can be thankful for small mercies, and that you had a chance to have that heartfelt sharing time...although one-sided. From what you tell us, she was listening and the tears she had tell me she was processing your words carefully.
We may need to ask for God to give us a lot more patience with our estranged adult children.
Patience has never been a strong character trait of mine, and boy..He's sure working on me in that department. It's been over 2 years now..and counting, since I've seen my son. I've gained a lot of weight over these past years,(emotional eating) and my ES probably wouldn't recognize me since I've changed a lot..I am a lot heavier, and don't look the same as I did two years ago.
The next few weeks this summer, God is impressing on me to get healthier, and to lose those many extra pounds. Not easy..but it'll keep me focused and change my thought patterns. At this rate, I know I'm headed for trouble, and being upset over my ES' isn't going to help.
Norske..you are correct..why we have to be the one's who "give them time"...I keep praying that the time doesn't run out..life is short and too precious to lose too much time, but God knows so much more than I do and His timing is perfect.
God bless you all!
Maddie