CHRISTIAN PARENTS of ESTRANGED ADULT CHILDREN Community Group

Estrangement makes it difficult to talk about with family, friends, neighbors and church members. Christians are NOT immune to broken families. Talk about your experiences with those who know how you feel and get positive support through your Christian faith...."In these last days difficult times will come, for men will be lovers of self...disobedient to parents,...

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gordos4 03/18/2015

I had my grandson last night. My son, his dad, is the one Im semi-estranged from. I mostly deal with his GF when it comes to my GS. Anyway, last week when my GS was here, he had a pretty bad cough. My sons GF said "Yeah, he's had that cough for a little over a week". Yesterday, it was SO bad, he almost threw up a couple of times. The wind chill was 20 degrees yesterday, & he had on NO coat, just a sweatshirt. I don't know about anyone else, but when my kids were sick for a week, I took them to the doctor. I was thinking to myself that maybe they cant afford to take him to the doctor. So when she came to pick him up this morning I told her "If you guys cant afford to take him to the doctor, I will help you pay it & the medicine". I also asked my GS this morning if he wanted his own box of Kleenex (he has a runny-nose too) & he said yes, & picked out the color of box. She got SO mad at me for offering to help them pay for medicine & the box of Kleenex. She said "I was VERY offended". Do you all think I over-stepped my boundaries? I sent her a message & apologized, because I knew when she left, she was mad. She did not accept the apology & now, I know I will be punished. I'm so sick of walking on eggshells with her. They don't seem to mind when I buy them things to help them out when they ask me. I'm getting fed up with putting up with her attitude. I'm worried he will get pneumonia or worse. Good thing I didn't ask her to bring a coat next time. Sigh

deleted_user 03/18/2015

I am so sorry to hear this. It is so sad and such a shame that the GF was offended that you offered to help, in such a good way, and couldn't have accepted the freely given help that would have benefitted her son. I don't think you overstepped, I think your offer came from a loving heart for your grandson, and the GF should have seen this and been grateful for it, on behalf of her son. I know also the despair you must be feeling, that even a very loving and genuine offer of help for the good of your grandson, which you in no way meant as a criticism of the GF, can be twisted by GF and ES into something wrong and bad you did, that they are going to now be hurt and offended by and punish you for it. It's just truly evil, of the devil, in my opinion. I don't have grandchildren, and I am dreading the day I do, God forgive me, because I see how EC use their own children to punish and hurt their parents, and I know grandparents don't have any rights, re: their grandchildren. I know you must feel so heartsick and sad, and angry. I know you must be worrying about your grandson. My heart goes out to you. Hugs and prayers to you.

lindajoan 03/18/2015

Not that it should be but I have noticed that daughter in laws (I have 2 not estranged) seem to be offended easily. It is probably the same with gfs. If I was the every day day care for my gc (which I am not) I would ask for the right to make suggestions. The MIL role is a delicate one. They twist good intentions and nothing we do or say is quite enough. With this being said, I think it is best to say as little as possible or any headway to peace will be harmed. Such a shame! God bless you.

gordos4 03/18/2015

lindajoan, Oh, believe me, I hardly EVER say anything, but the poor little boy coughed ALL night & almost threw up. Other than that, I keep my mouth shut. I learned my lesson about that a long time ago. But my GS is suffering, needlessly.

agrandmothersheart 03/18/2015

Gordos4, I likely would have done the same thing... and suffered the same consequences. I've come to conclusion that, at least with my first 3 grandchildren, I'm best to say as little as possible. Like you, this is generally how I go about things. I made the mistake 2 years ago of being very vocal about something extremely serious, and now I have zero contact with the children and their father (my son). In my heart I know I did the right thing... life can be unfair at times.

But, I read my Bible and see a lot of people who go through injustice and God uses them. So... he can use us as well.. and that is really what is important.

savedbyhim45 03/18/2015

you absolutely did the right thing. Although I don't have gc yet, I feel like my allegiance would be with the innocent children. I would be afraid he already had pneumonia or whooping cough. I don't understand how someone could not see that. Maybe she is very young and inexperienced. In that case isn't it our duty to say or do something? If we don't , then we are turning our face and ignoring the problem. Then they don't learn anything. I think you did what you could , and would feel even more guilty if something worse happened to the child and didn't say anything.

lindajoan 03/18/2015

Gordos, If they were mature in their ways and especially in the Lord they would be wise to heed your (our) wisdom. God bless you for trying on behalf of your precious gs.

gordos4 03/18/2015

Thank you all. I saw my son's GF & GS walking out of the park today. It was 60 degrees today, but all he had on was shorts & a tee-shirt. He was coughing as he was walking down the sidewalk.
. I gave her something yesterday & sent her a text to see if it worked & got NO reply. It's all about punishment. Yes, she is young & very immature, but for the most part, is a good mommy. She lacks common sense. She doesn't like anyone giving her advice or telling her what to do. She's been through 2 jobs because she doesn't respect authority.

poodlegirl61 03/18/2015

You didn't do anything wrong, so don't beat yourself up. I don't even think you owed her any apology, so you are a better person than I am. My crazy DIL went off her nut when she was pregnant with her first baby and was talking about bumper pads on Facebook one day. Well I didn't say anything, because another mutual friend beat me to it, and just casually mentioned that many specialists nowadays feel that bumper pads COULD be linked to sudden infant death syndrome, and just to be careful. Lindsay went completely ballistic and said we were saying she was an unfit mother and we were accusing her of trying to kill her baby! Of course NOBODY said any such thing! She is always looking for something bad in us, and if she can't find it, she dreams it up. So my point is, people like your son's GF and my DIL are constantly going to think we are putting them down, no matter what we do.

gordos4 03/18/2015

So true poodlegirl. My days of taking crap from of people are numbered. :-) Maybe that sounds harsh, but I'm just sick of it.

agrandmothersheart 03/19/2015

I'm at that same point, gordos--tired of taking crap. There's a family Easter dinner coming up, and I think my daughter and her husband might be coming. I'm thinking of putting some crumbs in a bag, giving it to them and telling them that's their meal. I get the crumbs (if I'm lucky enough to get that) of their life, so they get the crumbs of the meal.

I think about doing these things but never do, though. I'd be punished for it for a very long time.

feellinghelpless 03/19/2015

Gordos, How old is your GS? Does he go to school or preschool? Could you talk to his teachers if he's showing up not dressed properly? Maybe they can talk to the dad. Perhaps he'll listen.

gordos4 03/19/2015

feeling, My GS is only 3. My son's GF leads him around by a ring through his nose. He does whatever she tells him to. She threatens to leave him every 2 weeks, so he has just learned to keep his mouth shut. Good suggestion though.

heartbrokenmema 03/24/2015

I don't think you should have apologized for being concerned about the health of your granchild. Maybe could tell the GF that he coughed all night when you had him, & your just concerned. Maybe give a past cenerio of a friends kid, or your own, & I'm sure you already told her you didn't mean to offend her. I voice my concerns about my gc, whether they like it or not, because that's my right as a GP. Hoping this doesn't. keep your gs from you, he needs you. ; ) Keep us posted.
I also think our AC don't think about the fact a sick child can get the GP sick too, or they just don't care. They are so selfish & caught up in their own lives.

gordos4 03/24/2015

Heartbroken, I did tell GF that he coughed all night, almost to the point of throwing up. She is a tough one. She takes offense at everything. She doesn't get along with her mother OR her sister. She is full of bitterness. I usually keep my GS on Tuesday nights, but I feel so cruddy, & have been nauseous for a week because of all the stress. I just sent her a text to let her know I wasn't feeling well, & I got back "whatever". I know Im lucky to have the ability to see my GS, but his dad (my son) is the one that called me "retarded" & "stupid" last week & yelled at me. I DO NOT want to see him for awhile & I told him he owes me an apology, which I know I will never get. I am no longer willing to put up with large amounts of crap, even if it means not seeing my GS for awhile. They are due to have ANOTHER baby in October, which makes me physically ill. They have no business bringing another child into their dysfunction.. I have let them both get away with being disrespectful, ingrateful & inconsiderate for too long.

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