Well, I wouldn't appreciate the photos from the concerned friend! I think estrangement is very difficult for others to understand and maybe they are not sure what to do, or what to say.

JB

I honestly feel that the vast majority of people do not understand the anguish of parents when a child estranges themselves from us. At the beginning of our estrangement, many people compared the emotions they thought we were feeling to a rebellious sibling they had in their youth. At first, I thought that was a legitimate comparison, that was until I remembered that I too had had a rebellious sister who had estranged herself off and on over the years from my own parents! The emotions are nothing the same. I have decided to ask people if they have ever been "dumped" by a boyfriend/girlfriend or been served divorce papers out of the blue when they never imagined they would be divorced. Though I've never been divorced, I was dumped by a boyfriend in my youth and the emotions of estrangement are much closer to those that I felt with him...anguish, a desperation for him to take me back, always hoping he would change his mind and we would get back together. The BIG difference is that we can never replace our children as we can a new boyfriend or husband, so the pain is always with us, though it does dull a bit with time I've found. I would ask your "concerned friends" if they were ever dumped, if so, ask them how they would have felt if you brought pictures to them of their ex boyfriend and his new girlfriend and some special occasion they were happily celebrating together. It would put your pain in a bit more perspective for them. I plan on doing this myself. I feel your pain...I've endured the same and more.

Sovery, I am so sorry. You are about a year ahead of what will be happening to me.

I do not think someone who sends a pic of an event we miss is being concerned. I think they are being insensitive and unthoughtful. I would let them know in a kind way that it was hurtful and you would appreciate it does not happen again. I have done it.

God bless you during this difficult time.

I love your suggestion rosearch - I am going to remember to do that. I do think some of these "friends" are intentionally being insensitive - like look at me, I'm a better person than you because I know all about everything. It saddens me when people are so insensitive.

Some people are intentionally cruel, some are insensitive, and some honestly just don't get it. Estrangement is incredibly difficult. On the one hand, you want a glimpse into the lives of your children, but then when you get that glimpse it hurts so very much because you aren't/weren't there to be a part of it. I had to take my ED off my Facebook because it hurt so much to hear my other family members telling me "I read such and such on Facebook", then realizing the event had been blocked from me. Or, seeing photos of my grandchildren with other people when I am not able to see them even though they live close by.

When you try to explain that sort of thing to others they don't understand. They can't, and if we weren't going through this we wouldn't understand it either. Because of that, I believe we need to cut others some slack when they say things that hurt us, or as above, show us photos of events which we cannot participate in. (not always easy to do)

Thanks to all and prayers. Rosearch I too have related this pain to being dumped by a boyfriend and when my ex-husband left me. I feel all of those same emotions, like please take me back. You are right though, it's not like we can get a new child to take their place. And I try to relate what they say to what I say when I find out someone has cancer, or their spouse has died, etc. I don't know the right words myself.

I liken the grief to a death of a child without closure which makes it so difficult. We keep praying and remembering that with God nothing is impossible.

I know the pain of seeing pictures too well. Sorry you had to experience that. Other people don't understand.

I agree these pictures were very insensitive. and do not believe these are concerned friends or they would never have done this.

I don't have that happening to me but I can imagine how painful it is for you. I think it is time to evaluate just who are your "friends" and who are your foes. Be kind to, but void the "foes" and keep your friends. If your "friends" are doing this to you then you certainly should be able to let them know how insensitive they are being and ask them to stop discussing or sending pics of your EC's.